Easter Dog

Mutton-009
Originally uploaded by betsyweber.

Why have I not dressed my dog as a chicken for easter? I mean it's an easy and obvious thing to do and I'm not one to miss either the easy or the obvious.

Heading to see family in the UK this week and (time, passport, funds and Visas allowing) heading from there on over to Belgium to see even more family - this time Judith's.

Being back in the hometown is always a little odd - you do the old haunts and then realise that, well you've done the old haunts and you're still only a day into the trip. So this time I'm going to hire a car and go speeding off through the moors to places where I can shoot some decent (and indecent judith and weather permitting) pictures and reaquaint myself with Bronte country and the very hills that bore Compo as he hurtled hilariously downhill on a homemade contraption. They do a marvellous afternoon tea in 'Last Of The Summer Wine' territory - much better than the tourist trap that is 'Heartbeat Country'

Okay this is in danger of becoming whimsical... I'm off for aerobic pilates on a rebounder and a reformer; how very German.

Madness

CIMG0279
Originally uploaded by kingjen.

Spent the day going back and forth with lawyers who seemed to be making things up as they went along. First Judith had top come with me to London, then she didn't, then she needed her own appointment, then she needed to share mine, then she needed a new passport, then she didn't, then I was a snarling, pissed-off dog of a man, then I wasn't.

It's been a horrible, horrible, horrible day and I promise to explain all next week when this is behind me and I have the freedom to talk about all that's going on.

Other than that things are good. We have heat and hot water again - though it's 16c outside even now (weird for November here); Jude should be landing as I write (she was in Calgary the past couple of days) and the world is generally a mild and mellow place - barring the madness of two women who seem intent on driving me to (more drink)

So nothing to really express other than my frustration and fervent hope that soon, very soon, all of this will be behind us.

One year on

This blog has now been up and running for a year - and as I stall heading for work in a bid to get on a less crowded train I'm acutely aware that at this precise moment a year ago my doctor was ushering me into a small, private and quite well furnished room to tell me that I had lymphoma. He told me that I was in for a miserable six months - regardless of which kind of lymphoma the biopsies threw up.

Of course I didn't know how miserable but my view of cancer treatment had been shaped by chick flicks and brave sporting tales and so I was expecting vomitting, weight loss, sudden dashes to the hospital, grave faces and ultimately the buying of hats and searching for that dark tie neccessitated by funerals.

Looking back on the year it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd suspected and the people around me had feared. The literature - and there's lots of it - lists all of the most dire consequences of each and every drug. The people you see in the waiting room as you get ready to be stuck for blood for the 100th time look frail and tired and afraid.

Friends fall into three groups - those who look past the cancer and insist you come for lunch, those who embrace the cancer and insist on advising you what you should be eating for lunch (usually preceeded with 'I read this article') and those who retreat to e-mail and wish you well from a safe distance.

But the weird thing is that life goes on. You're still curious as to whether that catty girl will finally get the slap she's been needing on America's Top Model. You're still anxious to see that the project you've been working on for months goes through without a hitch. You're still irritated and amused by the same things (the closest I came to dying was with laughter - at a Home Video show which aired a clip of an elderly French woman falling repeatedly into some shrubbery - had it not been for Judith's quick intervention I would have suffocated)

And I guess that that's the only message I have for anyone today coming out of a doctor's waiting room with the word lymphoma, Hodgkins or Non-Hodkins attached to them. Get yourself a doctor that you can trust, get yourself the best treatment available (I had R-CHOP Velcade) and then get on with living life - because really that's all there is.

A year today

For Digger
Originally uploaded by honey3bun.

It's a year today since I had the scan that first told me that I had cancer.

A year since getting home and finding a message from the doctor that I should call straight away.

And a year since I sat on this chair, at this computer trying to figure out exactly what I had ahead of an 8am appointment the next morning.

My biggest problem today is that the heating went out in the apartment (a man is coming at 10am) and that I need a catsitter for thanksgiving (I need to be in London for a Visa thing)

The odds of my being here were slim Slimmer even than my odds of still being here next year - but to date all is good and I'm doing fine.

I get to see Judith moving into the next stage of her life (she left at 5.30am this morning for the last of a bunch of interviews in various Universities)

I get to go to the gym (!)

And of course I get to curl up on the sofa with my wife, a glass of wine, some veggie chips and the final weeks of all of our favorite TV shows knowing that, really, the key to happiness is found at home.

It's odd being a year on from last November. And from those first two months of tests, more tests and constant uncertainty. It's odd making plans for the future. It's odd thinking that I'm still writing this bloody thing 9 months after my 'dead by' date passed.

But here I am.

Time I think for a rousing chorus of "I'm Still Here" - the Shirley McClaine version I think

Heading Home

Virgin lounge, Heathrow
Originally uploaded by adactio.

The Virgin lounge at Heathrow is playing easy listening dance music - the modern day elevator music. But at least it's a step closer to home. I'm not good at strange offices, strange new people and stranger hotels. Maybe it's an age thing. Maybe its my obsession with my weight and the fear that every day away seems to see me slipping farther away from the gym and towards the slub in a suit demeanor of the people around me.

The week here was pretty pointless - I didn't get to change the work, to present it or really to comment upon it. I did add expensively flown in numbers to what was a meeting chock full of expensively flown in people.

Anyway the flight is on time I'm told and I should make it home by about 13.30 - so right now all is well with the world

Dr Who in Cardiff

Doctor Who filming Christmas special
Originally uploaded by Walt Jabsco.

They filmed this year's Dr. Who Xmas special in Cardiff. I mention this only because it features Catherine Tate - who I watched last night on TV.

The US closes down most of the TV shows in early December and the idea of Xmas specials beyond talk show and game show hosts in hats is unfathomable. It's a shame really because Xmas TV in the UK really is family TV and there's not enough of that.

Of course the first Xmas reality show will be huge... Carol Idol

The Milestone Hotel

The Milestone Hotel
Originally uploaded by Alex Ahern.

Well this is today's hotel in my ever moving hotel tour of London and it's all rather nice. Eastern European doorman, 50s faced northerners behind the concierge desk, stout receptionists in sensible shoes, mint on your pillow, Laura Ashley on your duvet, Union Jack flying, unused pool owning, floorboard creaking, porn disguising (special offer 24 hour internet access that just happens to unlock all porn) and overlooking the park. A shame then that it's miles from anywhere you'd want to be and seems to repel taxis.

Outrageous

IMG_3698
Originally uploaded by hellofaboymind.

so, having spent $900 on a one night stay in what could best be described as a hotel that had seen its heyday at around the same time as Cyndi Lauper had seen hers I've now moved to another hotel so far north of the office it comes with its own sled and team of huskies.

My, isn't London expensive?

And yet it's packed with Bentleys - you can't move for them - each looking for all the world like a Chrysler 300 - but with more fake looking wood. I'm amazed at the number of people here who seem to be rolling in dough - and it's not just the Russians and their 'model girlfriends'... it is (it seems) everybody but me.

I watched a while this morning as a group of young guys set about sweeping the leaves from the street outside a row of expensive houses. Moving carefully between the tonnes and tonnes of expensive German sheet metal they barely seemed to cast a glance upward. Which made me wonder - where are the riots? where is the class war? why haven't the Prosche drivers been garrotted.

At least in the US we have the good sense to place the disenfranchised well away from the people with money. In places like New Orleans. And where proximity is forced (LA for example) we build large electric fences and have them patrolled by trigger happy young men with something to prove. This, it seems to me, is entirely sensible and neccessary.

Yet the Brits seem to work on their own particular caste system - on people knowing their place and believing that what they have is what they ought to have. There's a satisfaction here that amazes me - a carefully balanced social system too delicate even to be examined.

I'll stop meandering and try to get to a point - if you want me I'll be out keying Mercs

Just a test

reality
Originally uploaded by Christina Lutze.

post to follow

London

PA040025.JPG
Originally uploaded by English man in New York.

Flying to London tonight... my return has been delayed so not back until Saturday now but at least the delay means that I get to take the purple plane back and to feel like a proper Jetrosexual.

More stuff from London when I get there. If you're in London and wanna drink / dance / cook me dinner then leave a comment - I promise to get back to you

I started to cough today...

chemotherapy bag, one of many
Originally uploaded by headur.

... and whilst rationally I know that people get coughs in winter I can feel death's warm stench damp upon my neck.

More scared today than I've ever been. Weird huh? The threat of disease being more terrifying than the presence of disease.

Time to pull myself together, get on a plane and talk food with people who don't respect my opinion (again) all the while mourning for my lost sense of triviality.

Brrrr

an_viewsat
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

It's 11C outside

Last night it dropped to about 3C

Why did people choose to settle here? Surely when the first winter hit they must have thought 'bugger this' and at least considered following the migrating birds?

I'm missing Singapore this morning.

It must be bad.

Time I think for a week in the sun somewhere

stuck in Seattle

airportsleeper1
Originally uploaded by LornaLou.

Having just made her connection on the way the way to Victoria Jude managed to miss her return connection by 3 minutes - meaning a 7 hr wait at the airport in Seattle and a red-eye flight.

So coped with massage, winebras, paella and pizza (which she carried onto the plane hoping to find hungry passengers to feed) and insists that the airport in Seattle is the best in the country - an opinion fuelled partly by the wine and partly by a well stocked Barnes and Nobel replete with Fantasy section.

Of course she didn't sleep on the flight and has consequently been a space cadet all day - but it's cute.

Next week sees me in London and Jude in Troy (Velcro is off to Eva's Play Pups, the cats to a neighbor)... the week after Jude in Calgary and me in New York and we're hoping to soon after be back in London exchanging work permits and making my dream of a move a reality.

Ultimately what I want to do is talk for a living. I love to present. I love models and theories pulled down into simple actions. I love the scale of theory and the possibility of execution. There's something about taking a concept as big as fractured narrative and applying it to a disposable razor that just floats my boat. I don't know why.

Anyway the move won't turn me into a professional talker immediately - but that's the aim. To be a brain and a brand on the conference circuit (a giant amongst pygmies).

To do it I'll most probably have to write a book that I can shamelessly promote - but let's face it the book is well overdue anyway.

madman

pianimation18
Originally uploaded by zen♫.

Yesterday's post made me seem like a madman. And I was a madman yesterday. I have this desire to be treated with respect, courtesy, dignity - that kind of thing and when it doesn't happen I tend to lose my shit, descending to the level of the people who make booking travel hell because they jealously see travel as a luxury rather than a chore - and impose their own misery as a tax upon it.

Anyway yesterday's post was more disjointed than a geriatric post bungee jumping weekend and I apologize, if for nothing else then for the frantic grammar.

Today I am MUCH more chilled.

I saw Borat - which was short, fitfully hilarious and so un-American that I want to fly to Utah to watch it with a real US audience. Manhattan, as Marty sometimes reminds me, is an island off the coast of America and should be treated as such on matters of national taste and social temperature.

I made a bid for secondwife.com

I talked with a very cool guy about a couple of TV show ideas (he has a good track record)

I walked the dog.

And i realized that I'm only 2 weeks from it being a year to the day that I was diagnosed.

At which point the travel, the pettiness, the lack of consideration and the general intensity of the situation melted away as I counted the facts that I'm still breathing, breathing without coughing and well enough to rail against the inconsiderate as blessings.

Sick as a dog

Resigned Molly
Originally uploaded by 66Alpine.

I have to go to London this week - for a meeting that's as pointless as a mental institute's crayons. The meeting is on Tuesday and because the finance department at work managed to lose my expense reports I'm having to do the 'there and back in a day' flight. My corporate card has been suspended and so I simply can't afford to pay for a hotel. So it's arrive Tuesday morning / leave Tuesday night.

To add insult to injury finance then cancelled the flight that I had on Virgin (flat beds, free cars and a 6.30am arrival for a 9am meeting in town) in a bid to save money. Instead they booked me AA (no beds, pay for the cars and an 8.20am arrival - too late to make the meeting as I'll be travelling by public transport)... in a bid to save about seventy quid.

Of course there's a big (and pointy) meeting coming up later the same week - and I'll not be there for that meeting. Because I can't afford a hotel (finance fuck up, no cards remember) I have to fly back Tuesday and my doctors won't let me get on another trans-atlantic flight that week.

So it's all fucked up - by people who swore that it wouldn't be - and in a bid to save less money than the average exec memeber spends in a couple of days on coffee.

I say bollocks to it all. Enough of this shit. And some other profanity laden expression of being 'over it'. Call the lawyers, call the embassy, get me the hell out of here.

Halloween Parade - observations

hallpumpkin
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

The more bridges you've crossed to reach the parade the sharper your elbows

Ordering champagne (and tipping big) gets you great post parade service.

Barstaff have better bodies than bar customers

New York students use Halloween as an excuse to dress as sluts

I am too old to live in this town

Queeny old men have the pinkest tint to their nostalgia prescription specs.

Continuous focus and flash eats batteries

Halloween is the city's anonymous sex festival

Pumpkins are cool

Halloween Parade in New York

Halloween Parade in New York
Originally uploaded by azakeri.

By all accounts the NYC Halloween parade is attended by 2m people. Why they'd line up in the dark to watch people dressed as tarts, tramps, hookers, monsters and politicians parade by I don't quite understand. You can see more authentic versions of all of the above in many areas of the city despite the Guilliani clean up of yesteryear.

Smut, it seems, like air bubbles behind cheap wallpaper can by moved but not eliminated. A friend of mine who recently attended an S&M club close to her house told me that the patrons there were bemoaning the internet. By all accounts the net had managed to fragment the S&M community into ever more specialized groups - until having one place to meet no longer made sense. Instead the former members of the club now met less frequently, in smaller numbers and indulged in specialties that were ever more narrow.

I imagine that the ghettoizing of Halloween is sure to follow suit one day. A kids parade. A gay parade. A political parade. A covens only parade. A cartoon character parade. And it will be a great shame. There's something about the tension between the bare breasted dykes on bikes and the proud moms of autistic mid-western children that makes for a more electric parade - and a better time.

Of course I'm now banging on about something that makes me seem like even more of a 'fogey' (in my day all the perverts had to march together) but I can't be alone in mourning the fact that we're increasingly alone. That we're living more and more in our heads. That communication is becoming virtual rather than actual. That we have more myspace friends than real friends.

Maybe I am alone - but I'm not alone in being alone. And that makes me feel better.

Halloween is coming

jude_halloween
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

and so I took a scary pic of Jude waiting for the subway to take her into Manhattan... one of the tyhings I love most about her is how unselfconscious she is in front of a camera - and how willing she is to do ugly / weird beautiful as well as smiley / happy faced beautiful.

I on the other hand become tight jawed, eyebrow raised and quite unnatural... as it should be.

Weekend

fishbird
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

So Friday night we went to an exhibition of photos that featured naked women posing with dead fish of different sizes. Our friend Ali had posed for such a picture one snowy night on the Brooklyn bridge - and I have to say that hers was the best picture of all. Aptly we followed the show with sushi.

Saturday saw me buying a book by one of the people that I"ve been working with, some gloves from a five store collective, taking in a movie (The Prestige - go see) and then going to dinner at a space that projects entertainment onto the walls as you sit on sofas and eat. Last night's piece was pretty cool - five people told stories of 'Haunted Appliances' whilst on the walls were images of post-it notes that illustrated their stories. From there it was on to an empty warehouse / Clown bar that catered only it seemed for a very gay barman.

Today we have brunch with some ex-friends of Judith's followed by dinner at the house of a guy we met when Judith was assistant directing an improvisational theatre piece about beauty and destruction. I met him when our house became the screening venue for a black and white filmed mime against war - and he now wants to interview me, for some reason.

It's not an untypical weekend and I can't help but think to myself - this wouldn't happen in Denver

Gym bunnies wanted

BunnyGym
Originally uploaded by ScottieCorp.

I'm determined to be in better shape by Christmas and in fantastic shape by the summer. The last year has given me the perfect excuse not to exercise (other than doing 5 miles a day with the dog) and the perfect excuse to indulge in food. And I'm heading in the direction of the gym bunny pictured.

Of course I'm disguising my body vanity as a quest for better health. As all body dismorphioc people do. As you know I'm working with nutritionists at the moment and each seem to find the name and the naming of this blog worrysome.

The name you see came as an immediate reaction to being told that I was going to need chemo. Far from devastation or a need for a moment to process the information I immediately pictured myself as Ivan Lendl, hollow cheeked, gaunt and pale and thought 'Wow, I'm going to be fabulously thin.' This - by expert accounts - is not a normal reaction.

Nor was it an accurate picture. The steroid, the bloating, the food cravings and the post cancer feeling of immunity from death all led to the pounds piling on and the muscle falling off.

Leaving Sydney I weighed 155lbs and had 10% body fat. During chemo that was 157lbs and 11.5%. Now I'm 165lbs and larding it around like Bella Emberg after a vacation at a Donut factory.

So it's time to say no to alcohol, no to snacks, no to the sofa and hello gym, hello pilates, hello carrots, hello 7 mile walks with the dog.

I want trousers that don't brand me when I lean over. I want not to be able to pinch more than an inch. I want to escape the invisibility of middle age and be noticed on the streets, checked out in Chelsea and comfortable on a T-shirt. I want to say goodbye to man boobs and the Florida or Texas waistline decision.

So it's back to the grindstone - I have a second gym session in 30 mins and a 2 hr dog walk planned thereafter. I also have 'before' photos to take. This, I think, is gonna be a bumpy ride

Outsourcing parenting

happy together
Originally uploaded by Hantta.

I'm doing more and more work on how we're outsourcing parenting these days - so desperate to be our kids friends that we're prepared to pay to have somebody else police them. Be it a real nanny, a net nanny or a GPS system attached to their car / phone that alerts the police when errant children stray from the boundaries set for them.

Moms wanna be 'chat buddies', dads wanna be 'sports buddies' and everyone wants to be liked. It's a weird trend, this discipline at a distance by a paid stranger but it's quite an industry

2nd full day at work

15
Originally uploaded by ferklint.

I did two days back to back at work this week.
Punctuated by long breakfasts and lunches
And finished with my getting slaughtered on the cheap Hungarian plonk served up by NylonNehru suited barmen at agency functions
Sad but true.
Still no word on my move
Or on my staying

A change is gonna come

when I was a lad when Nike wanted my attention they wrote an ad that dragged Eric Cantona and Robbie Fowler down to the park for a kick-a-bout with some amateurs, mixed in some Blur and had us all falling over ourselves to throw our praise and money at them. This year they decided to get people to participate in sport with Run London - North vs South, in competition and varying colors. I could download myself crossing the line, keep my timing device, alter the course of the competition and choose my virtual training partner. It was about involvement. Why write an ad when you can stage an event - and film it?

More and more this is the way that 'advertising' is going. Less show, less tell, more invitation, more innovation. It's what I want to do too. I've said before that my job is to have people appreciate the things that they buy and own more. Coke tastes better out of a can than in a blind taste test. Handing over a Lexus keyring feels great (if you're a fat old guy who loves Valet Parking). There's an argument to be made here - but I'm at work. And people are playing the 'I'm loud and therefore right' card... making it impossible to concentrate on anything other than bad puns, poor strategy and perpetuating the belief that we're the only intelligent people in the world.

a real post when I get home

Dawn of a new era

pilates-Andrew1
Originally uploaded by yogandrew.

I started my Pilates today. 1 on 1 sessions with a very encouraging women who did her best not to dissolve into fllods of tears / laughter at my pathetic efforts. I shall be returning twice a week for the next 6 weeks as well as piling on the gym sessions.

With Jude already scheduled for Niagara, Denver, Calgary and Victoria BC and with more dates piling up for her it's good that I have something to keep my devilish hands occupied. There is, after all, a time when even the Internet can fail to entertain.

My desperate need for physicality - and the idea of my running along beaches, cycling through crisp mountain air and skiiing with the hoi poloi is shaping Judith's job search I think. Though the idea of Hong Kong is financially appealing.

I'm wondering whether all of this 'must be in the open air, under a big sky' nonsense is a late reaction to near death, the early onset of a mid-life crisis (okay, not so early) or a sudden realization that I've been selling my soul for pennies in cities that have made me ill for too long.

So the exercise started today. And the books start tomorrow. I have two ideas for books on advertising and deciding which to write has been paralyzing... so I'm going to do both.

The first is a simple '12 shapes that shape advertising' - a How To... for planners.

The second asks the question 'if advertising started today; with all of the technology that we have but none of the history' what would it look like? what would advertising agencies look like? and what would our cities look like?'

So - exercise for body and mind - cool

Vroom

Suzuki SX4 WRC
Originally uploaded by friedmad.

Judith back from the second of her interviews and very enthused about the idea of cleaner air, new challenges and a living somewhere that means we need a car, gardening tools and more furniture.

I, of course, hear only the word 'car' in that battery of must haves and even though any potential move is a year away I've picked it out. The Suzuki SX4 JX AWD is about the size of a VW Golf, has all wheel drive (she's only looking at places where it snows) and 143bhp. I'm lovin' it.

All a long way off but the ideas of pastures new and my working remotely where and when I can really does appeal. I have this very real urge to be more physical at the moment. I've signed up for one on one pilates, my bike has come out of storage, I loved the immediate physicality of archery, the dog is going thrice around the park and I want to do more. A move will help with that.

As for not being in an office everyday - that's exactly how I'm working now; with teams spread from Argentina through Australia to Sydney and South Africa and clients in London and Amsterdam. And whilst sometimes the 'there by phone' thing is a frustration the amount of focussed time and pure thinking I can give people has at least doubled.

So a year away at least - but I have to say that I'm pretty excited.

Back from Miami

Haulover - the clothing-optional section of Miami Beach
Originally uploaded by JasonUnbound.

Where it was 32C, warm and about 50% cheaper to rent a place than it is here in NYC. It did make me wonder why I choose to live here - though with my still having a total sun ban post Radiation treatment I think that the sun and the proximity of the beaches would be torture.

I wanted a picture of a sign that said "No loitering in the sea grass" but couldn['t find one - so here's someone's arse on an overcast haulover beach

Bleary eyed in foggy Frankfurt

1114_1
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

Didn't sleep on the way over here, due to leaving at 5pm, sloping 'beds' and Lufthansa's insistance that good service and waking people on the hour are positively connected.

On to Miami and 35C heat today, I only wish that the beach was an option but my weight and the fact that post radiation I'll burn like a peeled albino at the introduction of sun mean that it's the hotel and sleep for me.

The pic btw is Deliah, Jude and Velcro enjoying the Indian summer in Billyburg

An aimless ramble

Isn’t this just the most fantastic image? There’s something about smoke suspended in air that’s undeniably sensual. I think that it’s the fluidity that does it, smoke doesn’t move with purpose, it lingers. It lingers around the mouth, it dares you to inhale; reminds us of our proximity to other people, that we share the same air.

If the world was black and white, the women were French and slouched the louche slouch of the aristocratically debauched and if the walls of every bar reeked of the decadence of the torch song then I’d be a happy man.

What am I blathering on about? I’m not sure but I find that as I get older I get more nostalgic for times I didn’t witness. I love the idea of 20s Harlem or 30s Berlin. The danger, the slumming, the energy, the easy outrage. The idea that there were still boundaries to push against, minds to expand.

I find myself nostalgic for times when experience required effort. How different was life when entertainment had to be sought out. I think that that’s the major change I’ve seen in my lifetime. 25 years ago if you wanted entertainment you had to leave the house and seek it out. You wanted a saucy thrill and to see what all the ‘Deep Throat’ fuss was about, you headed to the nearest ‘porn cinema’ and dealt with all that that meant. These days entertainment doesn’t live outside the home, it lives inside our every device. ‘Deep Throat’ is available On Demand, it’s inside this computer, it’s available on my phone, I could even get a fridge that could find it. We’re so used to having entertainment available that we expect everything from Church to the shape of our Fish Fingers (Fish Sticks) to entertain us.

Mind this change is the basis of my theory that boredom was a 20th century disease. Prior to the 20th century you were too busy throwing piss out of a window and burying your children to be bored. Just look at any of those ‘ye olde house’ shows where people ‘travel back in time’ and end up spending 16 hrs a day polishing the fireplace.

Then came labor saving devices. And around the same time radio and TV. Both offered tantalizing glimpses of other worlds. Both entertained. Both raised our expectations – and both fell silent for long periods of the day. We were shown that the world could be endlessly entertaining; we were excited to the point of giddy by masked men and their sidekicks and then… nothing. The screens went blank and nothing else seemed as interesting. We were prisoners to scheduling and the dead time dragged.

But no more. This is a 39 / 7 economy. That’s how long a day is these days. 39 hours. Or at least when you ask people to keep a record of all that they’ve done and how long it took them the tasks add up top 39 hrs. There’s multi-tasking for you. So no more boredom. 10 mins to wait – TXT. 20 mins to wait – e-mail. A half hour – Messenger. A whole say – Secondlife.

So no more boredom. But no more illicit thrills. And no more smoke. No more Marlenes, no more Mae Wests, no more Josphene Bakers. No more. Pig Porn yes. Old school provocation no. Sad huh?

Thank you very much... we are STILL the Pet Shop Boys

psb_855
Originally uploaded by _Giulio.

Pet Shop Boys last night and they were much better than I'd expected. Neil's voice, which I always had assumed relied heavily on studio steroids, was actually really strong. The set was simple but innovative and the crowd pretty appreciative - to the point of bonkers on any song that was more than 15 years old.

The new song old song routine did have us up and down like a tart's knickers - as people 'danced like their dad' then caught second wind during the new stuff. But I really enjoyed it.

I'd have enjoyed it more if Jude and I weren't simultaneously at breaking point. She has two big interviews, a thesis, a paper and teaching to contend with. I have two huge presentations, pressure from two offices to give them my undivided attention and a potential life shift coming up. I think we've both felt this tense before, but never at the same time and we're feeding off the other's edginess.

Still nothing we can do other than put our heads down and grind through the next two months.

What a miserable entry.

The Archer

And it feels so much lighter
Originally uploaded by roo.db.

After one of the most awful work days I can remember I set off yesterday for Queens and a spot of Archery. And it was fantastic. Okay so some of the bizarre hunting magazines "White Spot's Stag Of The Month' featured a deer as the centrefold and one or two of the posters looked a tad dodgy - swinsuit, highheels, longbow being an odd combo but taking a low tech bow and slowly realizing that 'yes' I could plant the arrows consistently was very cool and very calming. Every other thought melted away as the target loomed back into view. I shall return and soon.

Not much else happening here - Pet Shop Boys at Radio City Music Hall tonight (the place has sold out, no tickets available 'even for ready money'); Jude off to Buffalo tomorrow (weather permitting - they got 22 inches of snow yesterday) and then on to Denver. I off to Frankfurt Monday - landing Tuesday.

Boring huh?

A dreadful awakening

minifig famous people # 10: britney spears
Originally uploaded by minifig.

Career wise I've been kidding myself that I'm Kylie Minogue
(popular in some places, a few hardcore fans, the occasional rump
shaking piece of brilliance then three turgid albums full of dross)

But it's just hit me - I'm Britney Spears (the cellulite years)

This is a jaw slackening moment of self awareness.

BTW - Check out more of minifig's work over at flickr.com

A question

bullshit
Originally uploaded by Martinish.

How much food bullshit have you swallowed?

Do you still believe any of the nutritional advice out there?
Or the fad diets?
Are you still eating Atkins?
Is anyone still on the cabbage diet?
Are you eating food for its vibrational energies?

Gillian 'Poo lady' McKeith thinks that you should - whilst embracing internal photosynthesis and an alkeline regime to combat acidosis. The charge is that she bought her PhD and that now we're buying her bullshit. I don't feel qualified to comment - I'm still eating my crusts in an attempt to make my hair curl="all" />

the latest attempt to kill me

Frankfurt skyline at dawn
Originally uploaded by Photomotion.

the latest attempt to kill me is to have me fly overnight to Frankfurt where I'll deliver a briefing - to a bunch of non-English speakers (I don't speak Spanish, Mandarin or Portugese so it could be a problem)

then jump on a flight to Miami where I'll deliver a speech about all things trendy (to people who are slightly less trendy than me, which is not at all)

before hopping on a flight to NYC where I have a 7am meeting to talk about expert opinion on what we're trying to do.

Still I rack up some miles on my Star Alliance card, get to sample the Lufthansa beds, get to spend a day in Miami and don't have to travel to London in person for the expert meeting.

So I'll be killed slowly rather than in one go.

Isn't it nice to know that you're company has your health and well-being at its centre?

Another escapee

twelve
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

My erstwhile colleague Mr Eben Strousse announced his departure from the building this week. He's off to get married, start a new job and move home to California, cleaner air, real space and a little bit of happiness.

His leaving drinks on a Sunday afternoon, surounded by Walk Against Breast Cancer 'athletes' was a lovely affair and I must concede a terrible jealousy. He seems to have done exactly the right thing for exactly the right reasons.

11 months before I can contemplate the same.

And counting

Where next?

perfect happiness
Originally uploaded by Debbie G.

Jude is approaching the end of her PhD. and suddenly the calls are coming in thick and fast - asking her to interview all over the States and possibly all over the world. Of course this ought to raise questions like "is there anything for Steve to do in these far flung places?" and "Do you really want to live in Lubbock, TX?" but right now it doesn't. Any move is about a year away and a lot can happen in a year.

I think that I'm at a stage where I can live anywhere and still manage to get work - even if it's freelance. It may mean a cut in salary but hey if that means that I get to walk the dog along the beach and allow the cats outside again then I'm pretty happy. Money is nice but I just need enough for it not to be a problem. I'm not into the whole salary escalation thing - if that's how you define success then you're kinda narrow. I know - I was virtually two dimensional at one point.

Actually that last point isn't true. I've never moved job for more money. In fact I've always taken a pay cut when I've moved. But I've either moved because I knew I'd learn more elsewhere, because I needed a challenge, because I saw potential or - most recently - because I needed to be in a country long enough for my wife to finish up her PhD.

What I find compelling about a change of lifestyle is that we are all now showing signs of stress. Jude with a back more knotted than an amnesiac's handkerchief, Velcro with her bi-monthly stomach upsets, Ink with his highly strung UTIs and of course me with my 'up at 6am to start on the e-mail' sessions.

Whatever we decide to do I think that a more relaxed attitude to life. More time in the sunshine. More time with the sand between our toes. More time doing what we want to do and less doing what we don't.

I have an idea of working for agencies / ideas companies on 4 pitches a year. A month each pitch - a fee plus win bonus on each. Then I'd do four months writing - I want to do an advertising book. And four months in the sun during the summer. It's actually quite a do-able idea.

The dogs above btw are Bearded Collies and they're on a beach in Victoria, BC, Canada. Which would be nice.

So You Think You Can Dance

So You Think You Can Dance
Originally uploaded by beesquare.

So. You. Think. You. Can. Dance.

Live.

I think that this might be the show that changed my life - that turned positive intention around getting fit into real action.

I think that it's time to celebrate just how amazing the body can be - and that means building an amazing body. Starting right now.

Fitter at 30 than 20, fitter at 40 than 30. The hrad work starts here

Past. Present. Future.

Past. Present. Future.
Originally uploaded by snowdog101.

Today was far to nice a day to waste in an office – so I got up at 5.30am. Had all that I needed to be done finished by 10am and headed off into the city in search of sun, shoes and a cool place to have lunch.

Got off at 8th Ave and 14th street and walked North into Chelsea. Rainbow flags hung tattered, seemingly recoiling from the sunlight whilst the shutters on the coolest clothing stores remained resolutely shut.

To fill in the time I decided to experiment a little and set off to see two separate psychics – with the idea of testing one against the other.

The first decided that my Chakras were seriously out of whack. That my previous attempts at therapy had failed due to their being singular in focus and that the stomach problems I was having were caused by a confused sexual chakra. The solution. A $125 research reading and a course of psychic therapy. Oh and sex with men. I guessed that being in Chelsea made this a safe assumption on her part.

The second looked much more the part and had a no-nonsense approach to absolute nonsense that had me nodding along. The issue she said was that there was a woman who had been dead set against my marriage and who was feeding mt rtelationship regular doses of poison even now. Then there was the physical, psychological or sexual abuse that I must have suffered to make me so susceptible to ‘dark energy’. I explained that I’m British and that we run on cynicism but she shrugged that off and thought that $150 worth of past life regression might help shed some light on the issue.

I made my excuses and left.

What did they have in common? Well both probed potential relationship and work issues – which I guess is a safe bet, most people seeing a psychic would be looking for advice in one area or the other. Both flattered me in terms of my ‘Creative Spirit’ – though both chided me for not doing more with my ‘writing ability’

Both asked that I write every day. Both had treatments ready to go for me.

#1 seemed to suggest that I was a potentially suicidal bisexual who was emotionally, spiritually and sexually stunted. #2 that I was prone to depression, cynicism and a darkness that keeps me shackled in its basement dungeon.

Hardly uplifting. But a very entertaining way to spend $20.

Rest of the day was altogether better. Found some shoes. Ate a very healthy lunch. Unlocked my gym membership. Tried on ridiculous clothing. Helped a women who got trapped under a fallen fixture at Barney’s co-op. Walked the dog. Wrote a speech.

Think I might go in to work tomorrow.

As I write this

do exactly ...
Originally uploaded by all is revealed.

I'm filling my i-pod with 19 Russian Romance songs. I wish that I could say that Russian Romance were an underground hipster group about to make it big but alas I can't. The songs I'm collecting are from people like Ilya Lagutenko and Mikhail Aptekman. Why? I have no idea other than a vague feeling of my being more windswept and interesting this morning than I was yesterday morning.

I was at work by 7am yesterday which is hardly bohem' and not really conducive to good health. On the flip side I went out for a decent breakfast, had lunch with some charming people and a take-out dinner with my wife in front of the TV and a binge-watching session of Lost.

Jude has interviews all over the place in the next couple of weeks, so I'm having much fun as I book flights and search for hotels whilst wondering whether any are practical given that I may well need to work to supplement any academic salary she makes.

This is nothing more than fluff now - so I'm going to sign off, head for work and use the photocopier a lot (we need copies of current visas etc. before Jude hands in her passport for renewal)

Cheers all

Weirdness abounds

I decided to take my own food advice this morning and headed out to a diner for a huge breakfast that should tide me through the day and fend off vending machine cravings. Sitting at the next table were two men, dressed in the freshly laundered shirts of mid-level bankers - who were reading passages from the bible to each other. Eah would take turns whilst the other would conduct the choir of voices in his head, punctuating the air with mini hand gestures and rolling their heads on necks bent by rapture.

It was very strange. One man preaching to the other - describing the life of Jesus in terms of business strategy

"The advisors say, go after the pharisees; get the power on board and let them spread the word... but Jesus has a grassroots approach... those guys must have thought - hey, he's crazy... time for us to get ourselves a new client."

Where it went from amusing to sinister however was when they started to talk about recruitment to their breakfast bible bashing.

"The best way to 'disciple a guy'" they said "is to stick to the five questions. But remember the first is always to question his sexual integrity"

Odd but fascinating - it was all I could do to stay in my seat and not join them

Strange way to start the day

10 Minute Tan- Frontal
Originally uploaded by videoal.

In the all new Heathrow tanning lounge and decided to start the day with a spray tan.

"into the booth
on with the paper pants
I'll be back in a minute"

trilled the chirpy assistant.

Well the paper pants were of the 'minimal coverage' variety, failing to cover even the barest of essentials and pretty much over reliant on a rather flimsy looking peiece of string.

Panty liner shaped and made in China sturdy they were foul looking.
Luckily I managed to distract the girl with the sheer awfulness of my body. I'm about 10 lbs above a decent weight and it shows in the gelatenous sag of everything above the waist. Y-euch.

Gym for me this afternoon and a session with Sherry Strong next week. Time to go from sick to fit - in time for my friends Chris and Ray getting wed by a brillo pad (or something)

Rather a glam day today

For Kat.
Originally uploaded by 1009Photography.

I woke up rather late, 'drew' a bath and sauntered into the office for breakfast at around 10am.

By 12 I was feeling a little knackered so walked down to a local health bar and had a weirdy juice concoction that tasted so odd it must have been good for me.

Talked to a nutritionist (always working you see) and then had a massage from a man that my mom would have called 'Dishy' but I found terrifying. Imagine a Kiwi Dolph Lungren moving your limbs with what felt like reckless abandon and you're getting close. Luckily nothing snapped, nothing tore and I managed to 'breathe through' the worst of the pain.

I'm now downing Yerba Mate based drinks in a bid to keep the good health thing going for a couple of hours ahead of my meeting up with an old friend and running down to Bibendum for my second fish 'n' chip supper of the week. Still I'm eating well the rest of the time and trying to walk at least and hour a day.

I'm taking the stairs a lot too - and trying to feel as though this is a celebration of my well-being rather than a determination to out climb death.

Drinks with a work-mate last night reminded me that the company I work for isn't full of insufferable prigs

Oh dear

Freddie
Originally uploaded by naughton321.

My creatve director has a picture of Freddie Mercury in his office too.

Statues, photos, pictures, books, musicals - it's the start of a religion I tell you

Weird office shit

limahl-color
Originally uploaded by blackbeau66.

Amid the whinnying, braying, clacking and cut glass accents in our London office can be see a woman with the hair of Limahl and the wardrobe of Max Wall - if Max Wall had worn heels.

She really is quite extraordinary and you do want to ask her whether she doubles as a street mime or perhaps as the door-bitch in an 80s throwback theme club. But of course you don't, you just stare. And all of the stares feed her convivtion that she's gorgeous. And perpetuates the cycle.

Tragic, yet fun.

Have drinks tonight with the 'rotund gays'
Dinner tomorrow at Bibendum (was he gay?)
And Lunch Friday with a woman I've not seen in aeons.#

Almost enough to convince me that I'm having a good time here.

Funny old town

Model Town
Originally uploaded by Olly C.

London is a funny old place. Yesterday everybody was desperately scrambling to have an opinion on Gordon Brown's speech at the Labour party conference - despite their not having heard said speech.

Of course the whole thing was hijacked by human pizza oven Cherie Blair (have you seen the width of her mouth? even Carly Simon was shocked). Blair's missus was heard muttering darkly as Brown did the requisite arse licking - and was reported by Bloomberg news.

A summary of what Brown said. He cares about Hot Button issues, is prudent, but fun loving and would love to be PM because, face it, the last guy has made a bit of a mess of it, hasn't he?

La Belle Toni talked today. I'm sure that he promised Angel Delight for every pensioner and a billion pound pension fund for every kid. What does he care? He's off.

Anyway London is knee deep in the mouth froth of talk radio participants and I'm finding it all rather amusing.

Haircut

IMG_2706
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

Before leaving for London I had my first post chemo haircut, which was a bit of a milestone. And rather thrilling.

I'm now temporarily resident in The Capitol hotel - which seems to double as a home for the bewildered. The average age of a resident seems to be 80, the only activity a breathless stagger to Harrods with a nurse in tow and incontinence pants top of the list. The room service menu offers a 'pre-chewed food' option and all I'm kept awake at night by the sound of resporaters.

Change of weekend plans - am flying home on Saturday; all the better to walk the dog, see my wife and eat something that didn't come out of a deep fat fryer (went to Stamford Bridge for Harry Ramsden's Fish 'n' Chips today!)

Off to London

Tower bridge
Originally uploaded by brunoat.

I'm off to London for 10 days or so.

My hand luggage is EXACTLY the right size to be allowed on board, is a half pound under my maximum allowance and contains no liquids, gels, pastes, pasties or items given to me by nice Arabian men.

I have packed my own suitcase and said goodbye to my toiletries.

I am ready to fly.

Of course Jude just spent 10 days in Sweden and the idea was to have the two trips match up so that we could meet up and minimize time spent alone in New York. But, like so many Liverpudlians, it didn't work.

Never mind. My Sunday will be filled with powerpoint. My Moday with rehearsal of the powerpoint. My Tuesday with the presentation of the powerpoint and the rest of my week with the repercussions of the presentation.

I'm going to head up to Redcar at the weekend - despite the fact that the parents are away. Hoping that I can still stay at home, failing which I quite fancy a room at what used to be 'The Sexcroft' - Redcar's Swinging B&B where forty quid got you bed, breakfast, chicken in a basket, access to the rubber lined orgy room and use of Dave - the well-hung barman.

Alas it's no longer the Sexcroft, business went south faster than the Canadian pensioners in Winter but I'm sure that the stains remain. And what could be more appealing? Or appalling?

Missed a friend's wedding today. I wanted to be there but all manner of work things got in the way; not least of which was a two day 'search, support and steal' mission that saw me in the dreary offices of two less than dreary ad / design agencies. Both agencies had good ideas. One underdeveloped, one overdeveloped to the point of grotesque and irrelevant. We on the other hand have a sound idea in need of fairy dust. And fairy dust is currency in the presentation game.

Oh and is it just me or do 90% of men in New York ad agencies sound 'sitcom gay'?

The end of summer

Tonight I finally admitted defeat, climbed out onto the fire escape and took the aircon out of our window. One less pimple on the acned faced of Williamsburg. One more admission that the summer is over.

I've enjoyed this summer, at home, with the dog - going for long walks, watching people in the park, realizing that whilst I used to spend hours in an office with no outside views of the world others were out living life. Feeling the sun on their faces. The grass under their feet. No doubt my face will pay the price of too many hours outside but a few lines and patches of leather are a small price to pay for a summer that was glorious and unexpected.

Had I died, as well I might, back in the bleak days of February I would never experienced the feeling of work punctuating life - only of life occasionally being allowed to peak around the long shadow that work cast over my every thought.

Jude got it far earlier than I did. With Africa and her PhD. Blur were right - modern life is rubbish. And the secret is that you can opt out. Choose not to be the monkey. Choose to define yourself by what you do - not who you work for. I think that I might, just might, do exactly that and pretty soon

A good day

915chainsawbw
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

talk ideas and taking dictation from a client today. It was so good to be in a room with somebody - rather than on the phone to them. Made me realize that more than anything I'm lonely at work.

Guy I now sit next to finally realized that my 'bald sick looking phase' was more circumstance than fashion choice and looked suitably embarrassed.

Have meeting with la grande toupee de la creative global tomorrow at 9am - I have no idea why but I guess we'll see.

Sorry that these have been infrequent, short and crap. We'll see what happens tomorrow - and make up stuff if the meetings are as mundane as ever

Don't mess with blurry but beefy biker babes

915bfgang
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

One last pic from my 'biker excursion.' I've been trying to keep to the 'real photographer' ethos and attempting not to use zoom when taking candid street pics. It sounds easy - but it's not. Whilst it's perfectly legal to take pictures of people on the street (unless they're going to be used commercially) most people don't know that little fact and proceed to get very blousey.

Still thes chicks gave me no trouble - mainly because I was hiding behind the tall bloke whose shoulder is visible bottom right.

Got quite a lot of work done this morning. Jude will be home in about an hour and a half (she just landed at Newark), fresh direct are coming and I've promised to take a bunch of Aussies for Dinner, Smut and Burlesque (which sounds like a SandDancer act, but isn't)

Jeez

Jude's Away

915what
Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

And everywhere I go there are near naked women tying themselves up in knots (see pic) or twirking their glittery nipple tassles (see the Slipper room last night) It's all very odd and I'm blaming the suddenly hot weather (27c today, 29c tomorrow)... it's like a second spring, a last chance to throw off the clothes and feel some heat before the winter comes crashing in on us.

I'd forgotten all about winter until yesterday - when I went back and looked at the first few posts on this blog. It seemed to be a time of constant icy winds, snow, slush, drenching rains and almost constant darkness. Weird to think that it's all just weeks away. Still who'd have thought that I'd be here to throw snowballs at passing trucks and moan about how ugly my coat is? Not me. Not my doctors. Not anyone objective.

Jude home tomorrow (for some reason I'd thoughtTuesday) so now I'm looking for places to stash all of my crap and easy ways to dust without having to pic up a duster (trying a pigeon to the cat's tail was working until the pigeon kinda exploded)