Quite a night

So after a lovely dinner at my friend kajsa's house we decided to head down to The Slipper Room and Burlesque. At first all was as Burlesque so often is - tape over the nipples in the shape of swastikas, drinking the blood of Jewish babies, a great flashdance routine, an exterimator routine that ended with cockroach nipple tassles and so on.

And then came Rabbi Rose Wood. Dressed as a Rabbi 'Rose' almost immediately removed the lower half of her clothing revealing, well her 'thorn' - (s)he then proceeded to dance a merry gig - stopping only to shove a wine bottle up her ass and continue dancing with it dangling what I imagined was precariously. Of course the rest of the clothes come off to reveal a large (but fake?) chest which seemed inconguous with the Haseed beard she was sporting. Most odd. The crowd of course lapped it up but I couldn't help but wonder when the arrests would start.

Guilliani - a man who claims a lot of credit as America's mayor rose a dip in crime to pass through a lot of regulations that all but closed down New York Nightlife. The club scene never recovered - but now it seems that performance art is fighting back. Sure you can't show a nipple anymore - unless it's fake, so here's to blasphemy, political incorrectness, huge fake boobs and a bottle trick that I'm sure I won't be seeing in Michigan.

As that hideous old trout always says "Only in New York"

I saw this and thought of you

It was described thus(ly)

The Cone may appear to be just a stylish sculpture on your nightstand, but press the light-up buttons at its base and this unique vibe will knock your sheets off. The adjustable speeds range from a gentle purr to a rumbling roar through any of The Cone's sixteen vibration patterns (including an "orgasm button" that skips automatically to the highest intensity vibration). Sit astride it in the lotus position while reading or watching your favorite erotica, or lay over it during partner sex. And the shape isn't just about style—its tapered proportions are easy and fun to use by all genders and people with varied mobility.

Size: 7-1/2" diameter, 4-1/2" high
Material: Silicone
Volume: ****
Intensity: *****
Batteries: Three C batteries

It's like a poor man's sybian machine.... who's up ifirst

Traffic

How fast you want to go?
Originally uploaded by Edge of Space

Today it seems I have more traffic than the B5023 Wirksworth Road through the town of Idridgehay - the residents of which are forever banging on about people speeding and bemoaning the day that the government saw fit to allow motorized horses loose without a preceding man with yellow flag.

What this means I'm not sure. It's been a while since I tried the old trick of dropping blogsearch friendly terms and phrases like "Koreans eat Ellen's dog" or "Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape" into a paragraph to lure the perverted and unsuspecting (most of whom seemed to come from Saudi Arabia I have to say) so I'm thinking that this sudden surge must be something else.

I refuse to believe that people are visiting to hear my veilled hints at possible changes afoot or that they're here to hear me complain about having to call the movers. And much as I'd like to believe it I doubt that people are here for the gags - like the eyes of two Cyclops in a long distance relationship they are few and far apart (cylopses? cyclopsi?)

Maybe it's the spectre of death. The promise that something mentioned in passing is actually a malignancy that's killing me as I type. But then the spectre of death has hung over these pages in the past and the only extra people who visited were those who thought that a funeral may have good sandwiches and perhaps a decent song or two (no Angels for this guy)

Then what? What would drive me to a site is the pressure cooker recently described. Am I about to be minted a diamond or instead squished down to primordial sludge and used to manouvre a Buick around 4 and a half inches? There's certainly interest in there. The potential for total meltdown is high and the consequences potentially hilarious - if Britney could make the front pages with 5 blows of an umbrella then what celebrity could I muster from a street tantrum?

A therapist would say that it might be an indicator that people genuinely cared and were interested in me and my wellbeing. But then if I had so many caring people around yme, miss therapist, why am I paying for someone to talk to?

So instead I'm going to plump for an entirely different theory. There's been a groundswell, an upturn, a deluge of interest in the idea of Dakota Fanning playing me in a movie and people want to be able to say - oh well of course, I read the blog years ago.

Okay 8pm - Quorn time.

A quickie

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

Quite stupidly busy at the moment - even without MRI scans, moving people, posts of unwanted stuff on Craigslist and all the other thigs that come with shipping a house, working a project, updating your health status and generally being under the gun.

Still I'm coping. I'm losing weight. And I've yet to attempt murder - so I'm either more repressed than anyone thought or I'm coping.

More when I have some time - which of course will be anytime. Let's face it if I drop a ball people barely hear the thud - if some people drop the ball their patient's veins explode. I have a story about that - of which more later.

One last thing. A psychic (don't ask) told me that I wake up every night screaming in agony but don't remember because someone that Judith dated in the past was a wizard who has cast black magic upon us. A mere $200 would pay for research into who this person is - and another $800 could help break the spell. Sounds like a bargain. You know it wasn't until I mocked the idea in writing that I started to wonder about the likelihood of her being 100% genuine and 100% right. That's how they do it.

Exposed

Bullfighter 2
Originally uploaded by miscellaniaphile

Well today went about as well as could be expected. The movers made grumbling progress towards a signed contract, I managed to find cover for LA, the client promised to sign, the MRI people are scanning diaries, the life changing decision thing moved forward a step and I played rather a nice bingo on an internet scrabble site.

Of course nothing is tied down but I feel as though I'm starting to crawl out from under the weight of organization that I've been under for the last 18 months or so. It's going to be so nice not to get up with a list of people to chase that day.

coming up - a trip to the bahamas for a wedding - with stops in Florida both ways. A trip to Vegas - and a Xmas being quiet in Michigan as Jude tries to get a million and one papers out.

Nae bad - all this and Barking Bard Billy Bragg on Saturday

The most stressful day of all time...

>waiting on movers, a recruiter, a client signature, a big decision which could change everything and over which I have no control and a time and date for my MRI. It's a sit and wait game and so I'm sitting and waiting. And of course once this stuff is out of the way I have to deal not only with cleaning the shit from the fan but from all the walls that it hit while the fan was spinning.

A low key weekend

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

It's been a low key weekend - which is what I needed after a high drama week. It's been good just to run up the cell phone bill with Jude, play a little internet scrabble, catch up on the old TV and do a little bit of writing for myself. I did pop down to Sketchy's which seemed to have found a bit of form actually - with a 'beauty tames the beast' theme that had great monsters and a 'beauty' all too ready to tame him.

Today has consisted of a long walk with the dog in brilliant sunshine but cooler temps (16c); a half hour harboring the neighbors and their baby as the removal guys in their apartment took out the final pieces and I'm about to go and meet Will to talk about his cartoon series.

This afternoon? Kaiser and her new hair, maybe a movie (it's been ages since I went to the cinema) and then an evening spent writing up some of the work notes that I made this morning.

As I said pretty much exactly what I needed.

It's been an odd week - but it's been a good week. Here's hoping that Monday brings good news on something that I've been waiting to hear on forever and a date on the MRI that will look at the 'rupture' in my neck