... and whilst rationally I know that people get coughs in winter I can feel death's warm stench damp upon my neck.
More scared today than I've ever been. Weird huh? The threat of disease being more terrifying than the presence of disease.
Time to pull myself together, get on a plane and talk food with people who don't respect my opinion (again) all the while mourning for my lost sense of triviality.
3 comments:
I had a lovely dream last night Steve, in which you, Hugh and I... were all chatting in Drew's swanky loft flat - so I reckon it's going to be alright :)
Drew doesn't have a loft flat, but I think upward mobility is important in dreams
Ta ta
Hi Steve
Again with the cliches - at Sandhurst they teach you one founding mantra; what would you do if you weren't scared?
Your fear will protect you; it is panic that will betray you.
Breathe deep and long.
Drew
And Dave, thanks for aspiring vicariously for me to have a swanky loft flat - was I there or will I be in the habit of allowing my old chums to lounge around in it?
Just glad that I can breath deep and long these days. A year ago today I was deciding which pocket to throw up into - not having the breathe to make the bathroom.
It's odd that at no point during diagnosis, treatment and 'all clear' was I ever afraid. I became very zen and at one with what was happening - I started from acceptance.
Now that the big thing is 'don't relapse' I'm feeling a weird lack of control - as though there are steps that I could be taking but just can't grasp.
All very weird.
Oh and Mr David - I do have a swanky loft flat does that make me upwardly mobile of middle aged and 'Queer as Folk' obsessed?
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