... right now I'm on a huge Cyndi Lauper kick, which I think makes me a lesbian. Hopefully a Jennifer Beals, L-Word lesbian rather than a placard carrying dykes for open toed shoes lesbian, but a lesbian non-the-less.
I did have a Cyndi Lauper song planned for my funeral 'I'll be your river' from The Body Acoustic. Doubtless it would have sounded tinny on the antiquated speakers of whatever crematorium we found ourselves in but it would have made a welcome change from Robbie Williams' 'Angels' - wouldn't it?
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
all clear - again
My doctor called early yesterday morning... not usually a good sign so when I saw his name pop ip on my caller ID my heart entered zero gravity and floated towards my throat, spinning slowly asw it made its ascent.
My initial thought (after 'shit') was that I couldn't be sick so early after joining a new company. That it wasn't fair on them. I guess that this is either decency, transference or my fear of once again being labelled damaged or fragile. The new guys see me as a new employee. Not as the guy who's sick, or might me sick again, or who was sick or any of that... it's a blank slate that I didn't want smeared with the effulent that is bad news.
And it wasn't bad news, all was clear with my blood, across every test and marker. The hairloss it seems is stress (both current and delayed physical stress from treatment) and should reverse itself. They hope.
In a word "Phew".
I don't like how every illness gets inflated in my mind at the moment - and look forward to the day when a stuffy nose and sore throat equates to Cherry Tunes rather than imminent death.
My initial thought (after 'shit') was that I couldn't be sick so early after joining a new company. That it wasn't fair on them. I guess that this is either decency, transference or my fear of once again being labelled damaged or fragile. The new guys see me as a new employee. Not as the guy who's sick, or might me sick again, or who was sick or any of that... it's a blank slate that I didn't want smeared with the effulent that is bad news.
And it wasn't bad news, all was clear with my blood, across every test and marker. The hairloss it seems is stress (both current and delayed physical stress from treatment) and should reverse itself. They hope.
In a word "Phew".
I don't like how every illness gets inflated in my mind at the moment - and look forward to the day when a stuffy nose and sore throat equates to Cherry Tunes rather than imminent death.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Missed a day
Weird day yesterday. Went in to my new office to sign paperwork and then had to dash to the doctor for blood work and a thyroid panel. The way he casually said - that will be one of things I'll check for, amongst some more serious - sent chills through me. The last time he was this casual I was 24 hrs away from a cancer diagnosis. Let's hope it's 'just' the thyroid huh?
Evening was spent watching women lying about their eating habits. Only real insights were that Americans like to chew their soup and that nutrition has become divorced from food in the US - if you want nutrition you buy the appropriate vitamin or 'fortified superfood' - they'll give it to you in higher concentration than something like a vegetable.
Really fascinating to what the lack of energy too - this really is a 'whatever' culture... shame.
Evening was spent watching women lying about their eating habits. Only real insights were that Americans like to chew their soup and that nutrition has become divorced from food in the US - if you want nutrition you buy the appropriate vitamin or 'fortified superfood' - they'll give it to you in higher concentration than something like a vegetable.
Really fascinating to what the lack of energy too - this really is a 'whatever' culture... shame.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Bun-gee
I once had to stay in Vanuatu.
We were working on an international gambling thing and the client stayed close to his computer servers - which meant the virtually tax free nation of Vanuatu. On the first day of operation an earthquake wiped out the server, on my first day there another almost knocked a scented marker pen out of my hand - though I plowed on through.
I have no idea why Vanuatu comes to mind today but this picture - of a Vanuatu tradition - think bungee using vines rather than elastic and sudden, hip dislocating stops as the 'rope' runs out felt rather apt to my mood.
Just watched Cyndi Lauper live in HD on a Sunday morning and realise that middle age is absolutely upon me - was 'Time After Time' really a quarter of a decade ago?
We were working on an international gambling thing and the client stayed close to his computer servers - which meant the virtually tax free nation of Vanuatu. On the first day of operation an earthquake wiped out the server, on my first day there another almost knocked a scented marker pen out of my hand - though I plowed on through.
I have no idea why Vanuatu comes to mind today but this picture - of a Vanuatu tradition - think bungee using vines rather than elastic and sudden, hip dislocating stops as the 'rope' runs out felt rather apt to my mood.
Just watched Cyndi Lauper live in HD on a Sunday morning and realise that middle age is absolutely upon me - was 'Time After Time' really a quarter of a decade ago?
Saturday, December 02, 2006
The world is too small
Last night I went out with a couple of friends who I hadn't seen in 4 years. One of them brought 'an old friend from Thailand' - who turned out to be the woman who would have been my new client had a stayed in my last job. She had flown to NYC to see me and then been told that I 'wasn't available' - weird huh.
Seeing Lisa again though just served as a reminder that my 'out of sight out of mind' policy on friendships is fundamentally flawed. It was an absolute joy to catch up with her and I'll never let as much time slip by again without getting in touch.
The fact that she's wearing so diaphanous a garment on a December 1st evening is testament to the fact that we've buggered up the globe. It was 21C here last night - about 20C above the average for this time of year and whilst at the beginning of what was supposed to be winter we got lots of weak 'if this is global warming I'm buying a Hummer' gags now there seems to be a genuine air of concern about the city.
Seeing Lisa again though just served as a reminder that my 'out of sight out of mind' policy on friendships is fundamentally flawed. It was an absolute joy to catch up with her and I'll never let as much time slip by again without getting in touch.
The fact that she's wearing so diaphanous a garment on a December 1st evening is testament to the fact that we've buggered up the globe. It was 21C here last night - about 20C above the average for this time of year and whilst at the beginning of what was supposed to be winter we got lots of weak 'if this is global warming I'm buying a Hummer' gags now there seems to be a genuine air of concern about the city.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Long day today
The jetlag is still washing over me at irregular intervals - which means that I was up early this morning. Just as well as the call that I was expecting from my ex-president at 7pm tonight came at 7am this morning.
I do feel as though I have let her down personally and of course this is exactly what I'm supposed to feel. 'Disappointment' is a management tool that's very effective though the words today 'I am disappointed on so many levels' still stung a little.
Still I know that I'm doing the right thing - I need a little less stress, a little more certainty and the opportunity to do some really good work and I think that a move will achieve that, so I'll head in today, hand over my blackberry, send out an emotional farewell and slip quietly into the dark busom of ex-corporate employees.
Got around the problem of patchy baldness by shaving my head yesterday. A practical solution to be sure but one that has me looking in the mirror and remembering being the 'ill' guy. Am told that post illness trauma and stress is common in the 4-12 month period and that all manner of things often happen hair loss, shingles, ME... so it seems that I've drawn the longest of the straws in that my condition is both typical and none debilitating. Hurts to be SO typical yet again.
Today's pic was one that I took whilst walking around Antwerp and it's one that I really like, despite all of the technical imperfections it displays. I do like Tin Tin and he did give us The Thompson Twins... not to mention remarkably accurate imaginings of future spacecraft.
Anyway the gym beckons
I do feel as though I have let her down personally and of course this is exactly what I'm supposed to feel. 'Disappointment' is a management tool that's very effective though the words today 'I am disappointed on so many levels' still stung a little.
Still I know that I'm doing the right thing - I need a little less stress, a little more certainty and the opportunity to do some really good work and I think that a move will achieve that, so I'll head in today, hand over my blackberry, send out an emotional farewell and slip quietly into the dark busom of ex-corporate employees.
Got around the problem of patchy baldness by shaving my head yesterday. A practical solution to be sure but one that has me looking in the mirror and remembering being the 'ill' guy. Am told that post illness trauma and stress is common in the 4-12 month period and that all manner of things often happen hair loss, shingles, ME... so it seems that I've drawn the longest of the straws in that my condition is both typical and none debilitating. Hurts to be SO typical yet again.
Today's pic was one that I took whilst walking around Antwerp and it's one that I really like, despite all of the technical imperfections it displays. I do like Tin Tin and he did give us The Thompson Twins... not to mention remarkably accurate imaginings of future spacecraft.
Anyway the gym beckons
Thursday, November 30, 2006
I'm spending today on the telephone...
... explaining my reasons for leaving my current job to the various big wigs who need to know. To date the conversations have been very adult.
The reasons for my going are actually quite simple - MOMEMTUM (I need to feel as though I'm moving toward being in charge of something), MONEY (a salary that keeps pace with the rent / mortgages) and MISSION (a place that knows why it exists, what it's trying to do and how I can help)
I'm in the lucky position of being able to do what I love and to demand decent reward for doing it and I'm finally flexing some of that power.
It doesn't help of course that I'm having these calls whilst suffering the jet lag to end all jet lags - having spent the last 10 days getting to various places in the world whilst planning how to get back. We lost a day heading to London. a day at the embassy, a day heading north to my parents' house, a day getting to Antwerp, a day getting to and from Amsterdam and a day getting home yesterday.
Mind I'd rather be at home on the telephone than running the maurading pre-Xmas shopping hoards of Brits who have descended upon New York on the back of a dollar to pound exchange rate of 1.95 - if I hear another Essex voiced cry of 'I'll need an extra suitcase to get all of this stuff home' then I shall scream. If there's one thing that NYC can do without it's fat, 'blonde', tasteless gangs of clueless British housewives clucking 'cheap, cheap, cheap' as they elbow their way around Macy's (which isn't the American Harrod's ladies - it's the American Debenhams)
Perhaps Bloomberg could pass a decibel law and turn back screeching harridans at customs...
The reasons for my going are actually quite simple - MOMEMTUM (I need to feel as though I'm moving toward being in charge of something), MONEY (a salary that keeps pace with the rent / mortgages) and MISSION (a place that knows why it exists, what it's trying to do and how I can help)
I'm in the lucky position of being able to do what I love and to demand decent reward for doing it and I'm finally flexing some of that power.
It doesn't help of course that I'm having these calls whilst suffering the jet lag to end all jet lags - having spent the last 10 days getting to various places in the world whilst planning how to get back. We lost a day heading to London. a day at the embassy, a day heading north to my parents' house, a day getting to Antwerp, a day getting to and from Amsterdam and a day getting home yesterday.
Mind I'd rather be at home on the telephone than running the maurading pre-Xmas shopping hoards of Brits who have descended upon New York on the back of a dollar to pound exchange rate of 1.95 - if I hear another Essex voiced cry of 'I'll need an extra suitcase to get all of this stuff home' then I shall scream. If there's one thing that NYC can do without it's fat, 'blonde', tasteless gangs of clueless British housewives clucking 'cheap, cheap, cheap' as they elbow their way around Macy's (which isn't the American Harrod's ladies - it's the American Debenhams)
Perhaps Bloomberg could pass a decibel law and turn back screeching harridans at customs...
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Not my life yet...
It will disappoint many of you almost as much as it disappoints me to hear that I'm not, yet, a man of infinite leisure and flexible gym appointments. Jude is still beavering away at the PhD and won't graduate until May after which there's at least a few months before she starts a job - and still no firm indication of what and where that job may be.
So no Colorado or Canada for me just yet - instead I'm moving all the way to Tribeca where I'll be doing any number of projects for What If? - an innovation company that has a really interesting social strategy side and offers the chance to work with big brands on short projects again.
Why innovation? Well I'm good at it, I liked the people that I met at the company, I like that it's growing and the direction in which it's growing, I like that it will keep me in lofts and age inappropriate clothing in a way that the last lot couldn't and I like the degree of flexibilty that it will give me.... right now I'm working out of New York but snow capped mountains and gainful employment need not be mutually exclusive anymore. But what I liked most is that they wanted me there, really wanted me there and that's something I crave (sad but true)
So it's goodbye cruising, goodbye sofa, goodbye self-pity and hello to a new challenge, a new cast of characters and a fresh start.
So no Colorado or Canada for me just yet - instead I'm moving all the way to Tribeca where I'll be doing any number of projects for What If? - an innovation company that has a really interesting social strategy side and offers the chance to work with big brands on short projects again.
Why innovation? Well I'm good at it, I liked the people that I met at the company, I like that it's growing and the direction in which it's growing, I like that it will keep me in lofts and age inappropriate clothing in a way that the last lot couldn't and I like the degree of flexibilty that it will give me.... right now I'm working out of New York but snow capped mountains and gainful employment need not be mutually exclusive anymore. But what I liked most is that they wanted me there, really wanted me there and that's something I crave (sad but true)
So it's goodbye cruising, goodbye sofa, goodbye self-pity and hello to a new challenge, a new cast of characters and a fresh start.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Succinct
Well I finally got to hand in my resignation today. Or rather to e-mail it in as I'm still in Belgium - I'll do the official handing of paper and clearing of desks on Thursday when I'm physicakky able to pick up my shit and go.
The temptation of course was to wait another 4 days and claim the pay for those days before telling anyone but that would have been both greedy and just a little below me (I like to think)... besides I've been having the most extraordinary dreams about my ex-president in which she was setting Spy vs. Spy like traps and used all kinds of Monkey magic on both Judith and me in revenge for my leaving and I'm hoping that doing the decent thing will stop the nighttime horrors.
Leaving was harder than I thought but a glance in the mirror (the hair is falling out, I haven't had to shave in 10 days and the hands shake) showed that it was time. Too much travel, too little reward and too great a distance from the decision making process was what killed the bizarre Bobby and Whitney affair that I had with company of old. So it's done. Done, done, done - despite the fact that the corporate e-mail was down this morning.
Spent yesterday in Amsterdam - Jude's mom was with family at a very Grand hotel in a very ungrand area of the red light district, Jude was in Edam visiting granny and I got to wander the Brit filled streets and photograph them propositioning Eastern European women who see their grubby hands as a step closer to a better life - if not for them then for future generations. Pics will be posted on Flickr just as soon as I get home to upload them.
I'm hoping that the sudden hair loss is a stress related thing - it's quite common 3-6 months after major disease; the body suddenly says 'well that was nasty" and starts to play up a bit. Of course I have managed to find 18 cases of cancer of the scalp and thus have that sitting somewhere in my primative lizard brain. Hey - rare versions of common cancers are my thing.
But anyway - here's to the next year. A new job at last, a PhD'd wife and a fresh cast of characters...
The temptation of course was to wait another 4 days and claim the pay for those days before telling anyone but that would have been both greedy and just a little below me (I like to think)... besides I've been having the most extraordinary dreams about my ex-president in which she was setting Spy vs. Spy like traps and used all kinds of Monkey magic on both Judith and me in revenge for my leaving and I'm hoping that doing the decent thing will stop the nighttime horrors.
Leaving was harder than I thought but a glance in the mirror (the hair is falling out, I haven't had to shave in 10 days and the hands shake) showed that it was time. Too much travel, too little reward and too great a distance from the decision making process was what killed the bizarre Bobby and Whitney affair that I had with company of old. So it's done. Done, done, done - despite the fact that the corporate e-mail was down this morning.
Spent yesterday in Amsterdam - Jude's mom was with family at a very Grand hotel in a very ungrand area of the red light district, Jude was in Edam visiting granny and I got to wander the Brit filled streets and photograph them propositioning Eastern European women who see their grubby hands as a step closer to a better life - if not for them then for future generations. Pics will be posted on Flickr just as soon as I get home to upload them.
I'm hoping that the sudden hair loss is a stress related thing - it's quite common 3-6 months after major disease; the body suddenly says 'well that was nasty" and starts to play up a bit. Of course I have managed to find 18 cases of cancer of the scalp and thus have that sitting somewhere in my primative lizard brain. Hey - rare versions of common cancers are my thing.
But anyway - here's to the next year. A new job at last, a PhD'd wife and a fresh cast of characters...
Sunday, November 26, 2006
My brother has a baby
you can see her here - 9 months old and raring to go at life - everything still an adventure to be tasted (literally).
It's an attitude I try to share - and with my hair suddenly and rapidly falling out it might be a look that I soon share too - thank God Matt Lucas made 'baby faced baldness' something other than social death huh?
Driving from Antwerp to Amsterdam today - Jude's mom at a party, Jude visiting granny, me taking as many pictures as I can in the couple of hours I have before meeting an old friend and her new family on a houseboat.
I need to write a piece on American Value brands too - so I'll take pen and pad with me and get that done. It's actually a piece on value brands in the US so am thinking Wal-Mart, Target, Kia, Suave and some other cheap yet cheerful offer (Kraft? / South west airlines?)
Breakfast though calls and so I'll retreat to the kitchen in the hope that Jude's muffin has thawed sufficiently to be edible....
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Antwerp
So after a long LONG journey we finally made it to Antwerp. Incorrect tickets, airport misinformation and broken down trains all slowed us down but eventually determination prevailed and we made it.
This will be short - these split handed keyboards are made for two handed typists and typing isn't an activity I do two handed. So just a 'where in the world?' update - but on Monday I shall reveal all here... what's been going on, with whom and why...
This will be short - these split handed keyboards are made for two handed typists and typing isn't an activity I do two handed. So just a 'where in the world?' update - but on Monday I shall reveal all here... what's been going on, with whom and why...
Thursday, November 23, 2006
What has become of us?
So I've been in England for 4 days now - and have noticed an obsession with a show that a scant decade ago would have appeared only fleetingly one of Chris Tarrant's "Let's Laugh At The Japanese" 'specials' (Clive James would not have stooped so low)"I'm a celebrity get me out of here" is a show designed to humiliate ex-celebrities in need of airtime whilst extracting maximum coinage from the 'voting public'. So the producers decide that somebody has to bathe in cockroaches / eat a Kangaroo's tongue, penis, eye, balls and anus (both genuine challenges) and the 'great British public' phone in at 50p a minute to nominate the posh bird or the poof.
This means that this week Jan Leeming (the second most famous female newsreader of the late 70s) and Scott something or other (a poofy designer of no reputation) get to participate in every nasty little 'challenge' for our amusement.
The only real high to date has been David Gest - husband to Liza - and a man of whom little was known. He's had the good sense to date to tell the most outrageous and bare faced lies, to leap into challenges without flinching (deny the public this and they tire of bullying you) and to refuse to eat the swill provided even when the alternative was hunger. Well done David.
But really when did we become so petty? So pathetic? When did torture (for the challenges are torture) become entertainment? And when did our class and sexuality divide become so self evident? It would be easy to dismiss "I'm a Celebrity..." as a nasty minded piece of filth - it's less easy to ignore the glee with which the British public embrace that filth.
What next? Celebrity torturers in Iraqi prisons? Faith Brown blacked up and forced into a 'stress position' in a black hoel prison somewhere in the far east? Jason Donovan forced to listen to his back catalogue?
It may seem far fetched - but then so did the idea of that camp man from the children's BBC broom cupboard being forced to bathe in frog's intestines being served up as entertainment... didn't it?
Where did all the people go?
I know that the blog posts have been thin and boring of late but it seems that nobody will havwe noticed as nobody reads this anymore... I promise major news and possible sickness in the near future.
Until then I have 5 trains and a plane to catch in a bid to get to Belgium
Until then I have 5 trains and a plane to catch in a bid to get to Belgium
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Oh I do like to be beside the Seaside
Oh I do like to be beside the sea... Back in Redcar for a couple of days - ostensibly to wait on passports (they arrived at 7.50am this morning) but in reality to catch up with friends and family. It's been an age since Jude was here - and she's very excited about both cooking something and heading in to a revamped M'bro in search of boots. She's already bought eco-friendly, Kevlar soled shoes... which she checks excitedly on the half hour, so the boots will be vying for space in the increasingly overloaded hand luggage. Good to spend time with her though... it's been ages since we just chilled out together and I'd forgotten how cool she is
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
London Calling
Steve said I could write a blog post.
So - we're traveling from London to Redcar. A trip I haven't done in a while, on the wonderful Flying Scotsman, or GNER as it is now stylishly called. The fact that it's got modern amenities like wireless connection is deceiving. In fact, the chairs look like they were last upholstered in 1964, and the "off the trolley" lady doesn't use deodorant.
Very English.
All the stewards are Scottish, just like on the Virgin flight on the way over. We feel like we lost Sunday, since most of it was spent lying down 38,000 feet up, from dark to dark (with some light in between).
Saw my brother, Dave, yesterday. And our friend Varya who's now married. But not to Dave.
Anyhoo - Steve says all I do is moan, so I'll keep further thoughts to myself.
:)
So - we're traveling from London to Redcar. A trip I haven't done in a while, on the wonderful Flying Scotsman, or GNER as it is now stylishly called. The fact that it's got modern amenities like wireless connection is deceiving. In fact, the chairs look like they were last upholstered in 1964, and the "off the trolley" lady doesn't use deodorant.
Very English.
All the stewards are Scottish, just like on the Virgin flight on the way over. We feel like we lost Sunday, since most of it was spent lying down 38,000 feet up, from dark to dark (with some light in between).
Saw my brother, Dave, yesterday. And our friend Varya who's now married. But not to Dave.
Anyhoo - Steve says all I do is moan, so I'll keep further thoughts to myself.
:)
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Momentum
Well sheer momentum carries us toward London and the embassy in search of new visas. We jump on a plane tomorrow and head for london in search of two small pieces of paper that will allow me to change my job and us to continue to live in the states for another year or two at least (at which point we'll have been here WAY too long ) and will have to head for the hills, new pastures and the distant horizon.
The last week has been a frustrating one with lawyers visibly making it up as they went along, travel agents booking everything but travel, work piling on the pressure for me to do more and more, fly more and more and resist less and less
But we're here - with arms full of documentation and hearts full of optimism, now helpless against the current of the process and hoping for the soft landing we've been promised.
The last week has been a frustrating one with lawyers visibly making it up as they went along, travel agents booking everything but travel, work piling on the pressure for me to do more and more, fly more and more and resist less and less
But we're here - with arms full of documentation and hearts full of optimism, now helpless against the current of the process and hoping for the soft landing we've been promised.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Easter Dog
Why have I not dressed my dog as a chicken for easter? I mean it's an easy and obvious thing to do and I'm not one to miss either the easy or the obvious.
Heading to see family in the UK this week and (time, passport, funds and Visas allowing) heading from there on over to Belgium to see even more family - this time Judith's.
Being back in the hometown is always a little odd - you do the old haunts and then realise that, well you've done the old haunts and you're still only a day into the trip. So this time I'm going to hire a car and go speeding off through the moors to places where I can shoot some decent (and indecent judith and weather permitting) pictures and reaquaint myself with Bronte country and the very hills that bore Compo as he hurtled hilariously downhill on a homemade contraption. They do a marvellous afternoon tea in 'Last Of The Summer Wine' territory - much better than the tourist trap that is 'Heartbeat Country'
Okay this is in danger of becoming whimsical... I'm off for aerobic pilates on a rebounder and a reformer; how very German.
Heading to see family in the UK this week and (time, passport, funds and Visas allowing) heading from there on over to Belgium to see even more family - this time Judith's.
Being back in the hometown is always a little odd - you do the old haunts and then realise that, well you've done the old haunts and you're still only a day into the trip. So this time I'm going to hire a car and go speeding off through the moors to places where I can shoot some decent (and indecent judith and weather permitting) pictures and reaquaint myself with Bronte country and the very hills that bore Compo as he hurtled hilariously downhill on a homemade contraption. They do a marvellous afternoon tea in 'Last Of The Summer Wine' territory - much better than the tourist trap that is 'Heartbeat Country'
Okay this is in danger of becoming whimsical... I'm off for aerobic pilates on a rebounder and a reformer; how very German.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Madness
Spent the day going back and forth with lawyers who seemed to be making things up as they went along. First Judith had top come with me to London, then she didn't, then she needed her own appointment, then she needed to share mine, then she needed a new passport, then she didn't, then I was a snarling, pissed-off dog of a man, then I wasn't.
It's been a horrible, horrible, horrible day and I promise to explain all next week when this is behind me and I have the freedom to talk about all that's going on.
Other than that things are good. We have heat and hot water again - though it's 16c outside even now (weird for November here); Jude should be landing as I write (she was in Calgary the past couple of days) and the world is generally a mild and mellow place - barring the madness of two women who seem intent on driving me to (more drink)
So nothing to really express other than my frustration and fervent hope that soon, very soon, all of this will be behind us.
It's been a horrible, horrible, horrible day and I promise to explain all next week when this is behind me and I have the freedom to talk about all that's going on.
Other than that things are good. We have heat and hot water again - though it's 16c outside even now (weird for November here); Jude should be landing as I write (she was in Calgary the past couple of days) and the world is generally a mild and mellow place - barring the madness of two women who seem intent on driving me to (more drink)
So nothing to really express other than my frustration and fervent hope that soon, very soon, all of this will be behind us.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
One year on
This blog has now been up and running for a year - and as I stall heading for work in a bid to get on a less crowded train I'm acutely aware that at this precise moment a year ago my doctor was ushering me into a small, private and quite well furnished room to tell me that I had lymphoma. He told me that I was in for a miserable six months - regardless of which kind of lymphoma the biopsies threw up.Of course I didn't know how miserable but my view of cancer treatment had been shaped by chick flicks and brave sporting tales and so I was expecting vomitting, weight loss, sudden dashes to the hospital, grave faces and ultimately the buying of hats and searching for that dark tie neccessitated by funerals.
Looking back on the year it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd suspected and the people around me had feared. The literature - and there's lots of it - lists all of the most dire consequences of each and every drug. The people you see in the waiting room as you get ready to be stuck for blood for the 100th time look frail and tired and afraid.
Friends fall into three groups - those who look past the cancer and insist you come for lunch, those who embrace the cancer and insist on advising you what you should be eating for lunch (usually preceeded with 'I read this article') and those who retreat to e-mail and wish you well from a safe distance.
But the weird thing is that life goes on. You're still curious as to whether that catty girl will finally get the slap she's been needing on America's Top Model. You're still anxious to see that the project you've been working on for months goes through without a hitch. You're still irritated and amused by the same things (the closest I came to dying was with laughter - at a Home Video show which aired a clip of an elderly French woman falling repeatedly into some shrubbery - had it not been for Judith's quick intervention I would have suffocated)
And I guess that that's the only message I have for anyone today coming out of a doctor's waiting room with the word lymphoma, Hodgkins or Non-Hodkins attached to them. Get yourself a doctor that you can trust, get yourself the best treatment available (I had R-CHOP Velcade) and then get on with living life - because really that's all there is.
Monday, November 13, 2006
A year today
It's a year today since I had the scan that first told me that I had cancer.
A year since getting home and finding a message from the doctor that I should call straight away.
And a year since I sat on this chair, at this computer trying to figure out exactly what I had ahead of an 8am appointment the next morning.
My biggest problem today is that the heating went out in the apartment (a man is coming at 10am) and that I need a catsitter for thanksgiving (I need to be in London for a Visa thing)
The odds of my being here were slim Slimmer even than my odds of still being here next year - but to date all is good and I'm doing fine.
I get to see Judith moving into the next stage of her life (she left at 5.30am this morning for the last of a bunch of interviews in various Universities)
I get to go to the gym (!)
And of course I get to curl up on the sofa with my wife, a glass of wine, some veggie chips and the final weeks of all of our favorite TV shows knowing that, really, the key to happiness is found at home.
It's odd being a year on from last November. And from those first two months of tests, more tests and constant uncertainty. It's odd making plans for the future. It's odd thinking that I'm still writing this bloody thing 9 months after my 'dead by' date passed.
But here I am.
Time I think for a rousing chorus of "I'm Still Here" - the Shirley McClaine version I think
A year since getting home and finding a message from the doctor that I should call straight away.
And a year since I sat on this chair, at this computer trying to figure out exactly what I had ahead of an 8am appointment the next morning.
My biggest problem today is that the heating went out in the apartment (a man is coming at 10am) and that I need a catsitter for thanksgiving (I need to be in London for a Visa thing)
The odds of my being here were slim Slimmer even than my odds of still being here next year - but to date all is good and I'm doing fine.
I get to see Judith moving into the next stage of her life (she left at 5.30am this morning for the last of a bunch of interviews in various Universities)
I get to go to the gym (!)
And of course I get to curl up on the sofa with my wife, a glass of wine, some veggie chips and the final weeks of all of our favorite TV shows knowing that, really, the key to happiness is found at home.
It's odd being a year on from last November. And from those first two months of tests, more tests and constant uncertainty. It's odd making plans for the future. It's odd thinking that I'm still writing this bloody thing 9 months after my 'dead by' date passed.
But here I am.
Time I think for a rousing chorus of "I'm Still Here" - the Shirley McClaine version I think
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Heading Home
The Virgin lounge at Heathrow is playing easy listening dance music - the modern day elevator music. But at least it's a step closer to home. I'm not good at strange offices, strange new people and stranger hotels. Maybe it's an age thing. Maybe its my obsession with my weight and the fear that every day away seems to see me slipping farther away from the gym and towards the slub in a suit demeanor of the people around me.
The week here was pretty pointless - I didn't get to change the work, to present it or really to comment upon it. I did add expensively flown in numbers to what was a meeting chock full of expensively flown in people.
Anyway the flight is on time I'm told and I should make it home by about 13.30 - so right now all is well with the world
The week here was pretty pointless - I didn't get to change the work, to present it or really to comment upon it. I did add expensively flown in numbers to what was a meeting chock full of expensively flown in people.
Anyway the flight is on time I'm told and I should make it home by about 13.30 - so right now all is well with the world
Friday, November 10, 2006
Dr Who in Cardiff
They filmed this year's Dr. Who Xmas special in Cardiff. I mention this only because it features Catherine Tate - who I watched last night on TV.
The US closes down most of the TV shows in early December and the idea of Xmas specials beyond talk show and game show hosts in hats is unfathomable. It's a shame really because Xmas TV in the UK really is family TV and there's not enough of that.
Of course the first Xmas reality show will be huge... Carol Idol
The US closes down most of the TV shows in early December and the idea of Xmas specials beyond talk show and game show hosts in hats is unfathomable. It's a shame really because Xmas TV in the UK really is family TV and there's not enough of that.
Of course the first Xmas reality show will be huge... Carol Idol
Thursday, November 09, 2006
The Milestone Hotel
Well this is today's hotel in my ever moving hotel tour of London and it's all rather nice. Eastern European doorman, 50s faced northerners behind the concierge desk, stout receptionists in sensible shoes, mint on your pillow, Laura Ashley on your duvet, Union Jack flying, unused pool owning, floorboard creaking, porn disguising (special offer 24 hour internet access that just happens to unlock all porn) and overlooking the park. A shame then that it's miles from anywhere you'd want to be and seems to repel taxis.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Outrageous
so, having spent $900 on a one night stay in what could best be described as a hotel that had seen its heyday at around the same time as Cyndi Lauper had seen hers I've now moved to another hotel so far north of the office it comes with its own sled and team of huskies.
My, isn't London expensive?
And yet it's packed with Bentleys - you can't move for them - each looking for all the world like a Chrysler 300 - but with more fake looking wood. I'm amazed at the number of people here who seem to be rolling in dough - and it's not just the Russians and their 'model girlfriends'... it is (it seems) everybody but me.
I watched a while this morning as a group of young guys set about sweeping the leaves from the street outside a row of expensive houses. Moving carefully between the tonnes and tonnes of expensive German sheet metal they barely seemed to cast a glance upward. Which made me wonder - where are the riots? where is the class war? why haven't the Prosche drivers been garrotted.
At least in the US we have the good sense to place the disenfranchised well away from the people with money. In places like New Orleans. And where proximity is forced (LA for example) we build large electric fences and have them patrolled by trigger happy young men with something to prove. This, it seems to me, is entirely sensible and neccessary.
Yet the Brits seem to work on their own particular caste system - on people knowing their place and believing that what they have is what they ought to have. There's a satisfaction here that amazes me - a carefully balanced social system too delicate even to be examined.
I'll stop meandering and try to get to a point - if you want me I'll be out keying Mercs
My, isn't London expensive?
And yet it's packed with Bentleys - you can't move for them - each looking for all the world like a Chrysler 300 - but with more fake looking wood. I'm amazed at the number of people here who seem to be rolling in dough - and it's not just the Russians and their 'model girlfriends'... it is (it seems) everybody but me.
I watched a while this morning as a group of young guys set about sweeping the leaves from the street outside a row of expensive houses. Moving carefully between the tonnes and tonnes of expensive German sheet metal they barely seemed to cast a glance upward. Which made me wonder - where are the riots? where is the class war? why haven't the Prosche drivers been garrotted.
At least in the US we have the good sense to place the disenfranchised well away from the people with money. In places like New Orleans. And where proximity is forced (LA for example) we build large electric fences and have them patrolled by trigger happy young men with something to prove. This, it seems to me, is entirely sensible and neccessary.
Yet the Brits seem to work on their own particular caste system - on people knowing their place and believing that what they have is what they ought to have. There's a satisfaction here that amazes me - a carefully balanced social system too delicate even to be examined.
I'll stop meandering and try to get to a point - if you want me I'll be out keying Mercs
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
London
Flying to London tonight... my return has been delayed so not back until Saturday now but at least the delay means that I get to take the purple plane back and to feel like a proper Jetrosexual.
More stuff from London when I get there. If you're in London and wanna drink / dance / cook me dinner then leave a comment - I promise to get back to you
More stuff from London when I get there. If you're in London and wanna drink / dance / cook me dinner then leave a comment - I promise to get back to you
Sunday, November 05, 2006
I started to cough today...
... and whilst rationally I know that people get coughs in winter I can feel death's warm stench damp upon my neck.
More scared today than I've ever been. Weird huh? The threat of disease being more terrifying than the presence of disease.
Time to pull myself together, get on a plane and talk food with people who don't respect my opinion (again) all the while mourning for my lost sense of triviality.
More scared today than I've ever been. Weird huh? The threat of disease being more terrifying than the presence of disease.
Time to pull myself together, get on a plane and talk food with people who don't respect my opinion (again) all the while mourning for my lost sense of triviality.
Brrrr
It's 11C outside
Last night it dropped to about 3C
Why did people choose to settle here? Surely when the first winter hit they must have thought 'bugger this' and at least considered following the migrating birds?
I'm missing Singapore this morning.
It must be bad.
Time I think for a week in the sun somewhere
Last night it dropped to about 3C
Why did people choose to settle here? Surely when the first winter hit they must have thought 'bugger this' and at least considered following the migrating birds?
I'm missing Singapore this morning.
It must be bad.
Time I think for a week in the sun somewhere
Saturday, November 04, 2006
stuck in Seattle
Having just made her connection on the way the way to Victoria Jude managed to miss her return connection by 3 minutes - meaning a 7 hr wait at the airport in Seattle and a red-eye flight.
So coped with massage, winebras, paella and pizza (which she carried onto the plane hoping to find hungry passengers to feed) and insists that the airport in Seattle is the best in the country - an opinion fuelled partly by the wine and partly by a well stocked Barnes and Nobel replete with Fantasy section.
Of course she didn't sleep on the flight and has consequently been a space cadet all day - but it's cute.
Next week sees me in London and Jude in Troy (Velcro is off to Eva's Play Pups, the cats to a neighbor)... the week after Jude in Calgary and me in New York and we're hoping to soon after be back in London exchanging work permits and making my dream of a move a reality.
Ultimately what I want to do is talk for a living. I love to present. I love models and theories pulled down into simple actions. I love the scale of theory and the possibility of execution. There's something about taking a concept as big as fractured narrative and applying it to a disposable razor that just floats my boat. I don't know why.
Anyway the move won't turn me into a professional talker immediately - but that's the aim. To be a brain and a brand on the conference circuit (a giant amongst pygmies).
To do it I'll most probably have to write a book that I can shamelessly promote - but let's face it the book is well overdue anyway.
So coped with massage, winebras, paella and pizza (which she carried onto the plane hoping to find hungry passengers to feed) and insists that the airport in Seattle is the best in the country - an opinion fuelled partly by the wine and partly by a well stocked Barnes and Nobel replete with Fantasy section.
Of course she didn't sleep on the flight and has consequently been a space cadet all day - but it's cute.
Next week sees me in London and Jude in Troy (Velcro is off to Eva's Play Pups, the cats to a neighbor)... the week after Jude in Calgary and me in New York and we're hoping to soon after be back in London exchanging work permits and making my dream of a move a reality.
Ultimately what I want to do is talk for a living. I love to present. I love models and theories pulled down into simple actions. I love the scale of theory and the possibility of execution. There's something about taking a concept as big as fractured narrative and applying it to a disposable razor that just floats my boat. I don't know why.
Anyway the move won't turn me into a professional talker immediately - but that's the aim. To be a brain and a brand on the conference circuit (a giant amongst pygmies).
To do it I'll most probably have to write a book that I can shamelessly promote - but let's face it the book is well overdue anyway.
Friday, November 03, 2006
madman
Yesterday's post made me seem like a madman. And I was a madman yesterday. I have this desire to be treated with respect, courtesy, dignity - that kind of thing and when it doesn't happen I tend to lose my shit, descending to the level of the people who make booking travel hell because they jealously see travel as a luxury rather than a chore - and impose their own misery as a tax upon it.
Anyway yesterday's post was more disjointed than a geriatric post bungee jumping weekend and I apologize, if for nothing else then for the frantic grammar.
Today I am MUCH more chilled.
I saw Borat - which was short, fitfully hilarious and so un-American that I want to fly to Utah to watch it with a real US audience. Manhattan, as Marty sometimes reminds me, is an island off the coast of America and should be treated as such on matters of national taste and social temperature.
I made a bid for secondwife.com
I talked with a very cool guy about a couple of TV show ideas (he has a good track record)
I walked the dog.
And i realized that I'm only 2 weeks from it being a year to the day that I was diagnosed.
At which point the travel, the pettiness, the lack of consideration and the general intensity of the situation melted away as I counted the facts that I'm still breathing, breathing without coughing and well enough to rail against the inconsiderate as blessings.
Anyway yesterday's post was more disjointed than a geriatric post bungee jumping weekend and I apologize, if for nothing else then for the frantic grammar.
Today I am MUCH more chilled.
I saw Borat - which was short, fitfully hilarious and so un-American that I want to fly to Utah to watch it with a real US audience. Manhattan, as Marty sometimes reminds me, is an island off the coast of America and should be treated as such on matters of national taste and social temperature.
I made a bid for secondwife.com
I talked with a very cool guy about a couple of TV show ideas (he has a good track record)
I walked the dog.
And i realized that I'm only 2 weeks from it being a year to the day that I was diagnosed.
At which point the travel, the pettiness, the lack of consideration and the general intensity of the situation melted away as I counted the facts that I'm still breathing, breathing without coughing and well enough to rail against the inconsiderate as blessings.
Sick as a dog
I have to go to London this week - for a meeting that's as pointless as a mental institute's crayons. The meeting is on Tuesday and because the finance department at work managed to lose my expense reports I'm having to do the 'there and back in a day' flight. My corporate card has been suspended and so I simply can't afford to pay for a hotel. So it's arrive Tuesday morning / leave Tuesday night.
To add insult to injury finance then cancelled the flight that I had on Virgin (flat beds, free cars and a 6.30am arrival for a 9am meeting in town) in a bid to save money. Instead they booked me AA (no beds, pay for the cars and an 8.20am arrival - too late to make the meeting as I'll be travelling by public transport)... in a bid to save about seventy quid.
Of course there's a big (and pointy) meeting coming up later the same week - and I'll not be there for that meeting. Because I can't afford a hotel (finance fuck up, no cards remember) I have to fly back Tuesday and my doctors won't let me get on another trans-atlantic flight that week.
So it's all fucked up - by people who swore that it wouldn't be - and in a bid to save less money than the average exec memeber spends in a couple of days on coffee.
I say bollocks to it all. Enough of this shit. And some other profanity laden expression of being 'over it'. Call the lawyers, call the embassy, get me the hell out of here.
To add insult to injury finance then cancelled the flight that I had on Virgin (flat beds, free cars and a 6.30am arrival for a 9am meeting in town) in a bid to save money. Instead they booked me AA (no beds, pay for the cars and an 8.20am arrival - too late to make the meeting as I'll be travelling by public transport)... in a bid to save about seventy quid.
Of course there's a big (and pointy) meeting coming up later the same week - and I'll not be there for that meeting. Because I can't afford a hotel (finance fuck up, no cards remember) I have to fly back Tuesday and my doctors won't let me get on another trans-atlantic flight that week.
So it's all fucked up - by people who swore that it wouldn't be - and in a bid to save less money than the average exec memeber spends in a couple of days on coffee.
I say bollocks to it all. Enough of this shit. And some other profanity laden expression of being 'over it'. Call the lawyers, call the embassy, get me the hell out of here.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Halloween Parade - observations
The more bridges you've crossed to reach the parade the sharper your elbows
Ordering champagne (and tipping big) gets you great post parade service.
Barstaff have better bodies than bar customers
New York students use Halloween as an excuse to dress as sluts
I am too old to live in this town
Queeny old men have the pinkest tint to their nostalgia prescription specs.
Continuous focus and flash eats batteries
Halloween is the city's anonymous sex festival
Pumpkins are cool
Ordering champagne (and tipping big) gets you great post parade service.
Barstaff have better bodies than bar customers
New York students use Halloween as an excuse to dress as sluts
I am too old to live in this town
Queeny old men have the pinkest tint to their nostalgia prescription specs.
Continuous focus and flash eats batteries
Halloween is the city's anonymous sex festival
Pumpkins are cool
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Halloween Parade in New York
By all accounts the NYC Halloween parade is attended by 2m people. Why they'd line up in the dark to watch people dressed as tarts, tramps, hookers, monsters and politicians parade by I don't quite understand. You can see more authentic versions of all of the above in many areas of the city despite the Guilliani clean up of yesteryear.
Smut, it seems, like air bubbles behind cheap wallpaper can by moved but not eliminated. A friend of mine who recently attended an S&M club close to her house told me that the patrons there were bemoaning the internet. By all accounts the net had managed to fragment the S&M community into ever more specialized groups - until having one place to meet no longer made sense. Instead the former members of the club now met less frequently, in smaller numbers and indulged in specialties that were ever more narrow.
I imagine that the ghettoizing of Halloween is sure to follow suit one day. A kids parade. A gay parade. A political parade. A covens only parade. A cartoon character parade. And it will be a great shame. There's something about the tension between the bare breasted dykes on bikes and the proud moms of autistic mid-western children that makes for a more electric parade - and a better time.
Of course I'm now banging on about something that makes me seem like even more of a 'fogey' (in my day all the perverts had to march together) but I can't be alone in mourning the fact that we're increasingly alone. That we're living more and more in our heads. That communication is becoming virtual rather than actual. That we have more myspace friends than real friends.
Maybe I am alone - but I'm not alone in being alone. And that makes me feel better.
Smut, it seems, like air bubbles behind cheap wallpaper can by moved but not eliminated. A friend of mine who recently attended an S&M club close to her house told me that the patrons there were bemoaning the internet. By all accounts the net had managed to fragment the S&M community into ever more specialized groups - until having one place to meet no longer made sense. Instead the former members of the club now met less frequently, in smaller numbers and indulged in specialties that were ever more narrow.
I imagine that the ghettoizing of Halloween is sure to follow suit one day. A kids parade. A gay parade. A political parade. A covens only parade. A cartoon character parade. And it will be a great shame. There's something about the tension between the bare breasted dykes on bikes and the proud moms of autistic mid-western children that makes for a more electric parade - and a better time.
Of course I'm now banging on about something that makes me seem like even more of a 'fogey' (in my day all the perverts had to march together) but I can't be alone in mourning the fact that we're increasingly alone. That we're living more and more in our heads. That communication is becoming virtual rather than actual. That we have more myspace friends than real friends.
Maybe I am alone - but I'm not alone in being alone. And that makes me feel better.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Halloween is coming
and so I took a scary pic of Jude waiting for the subway to take her into Manhattan... one of the tyhings I love most about her is how unselfconscious she is in front of a camera - and how willing she is to do ugly / weird beautiful as well as smiley / happy faced beautiful.
I on the other hand become tight jawed, eyebrow raised and quite unnatural... as it should be.
I on the other hand become tight jawed, eyebrow raised and quite unnatural... as it should be.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Weekend
So Friday night we went to an exhibition of photos that featured naked women posing with dead fish of different sizes. Our friend Ali had posed for such a picture one snowy night on the Brooklyn bridge - and I have to say that hers was the best picture of all. Aptly we followed the show with sushi.
Saturday saw me buying a book by one of the people that I"ve been working with, some gloves from a five store collective, taking in a movie (The Prestige - go see) and then going to dinner at a space that projects entertainment onto the walls as you sit on sofas and eat. Last night's piece was pretty cool - five people told stories of 'Haunted Appliances' whilst on the walls were images of post-it notes that illustrated their stories. From there it was on to an empty warehouse / Clown bar that catered only it seemed for a very gay barman.
Today we have brunch with some ex-friends of Judith's followed by dinner at the house of a guy we met when Judith was assistant directing an improvisational theatre piece about beauty and destruction. I met him when our house became the screening venue for a black and white filmed mime against war - and he now wants to interview me, for some reason.
It's not an untypical weekend and I can't help but think to myself - this wouldn't happen in Denver
Saturday saw me buying a book by one of the people that I"ve been working with, some gloves from a five store collective, taking in a movie (The Prestige - go see) and then going to dinner at a space that projects entertainment onto the walls as you sit on sofas and eat. Last night's piece was pretty cool - five people told stories of 'Haunted Appliances' whilst on the walls were images of post-it notes that illustrated their stories. From there it was on to an empty warehouse / Clown bar that catered only it seemed for a very gay barman.
Today we have brunch with some ex-friends of Judith's followed by dinner at the house of a guy we met when Judith was assistant directing an improvisational theatre piece about beauty and destruction. I met him when our house became the screening venue for a black and white filmed mime against war - and he now wants to interview me, for some reason.
It's not an untypical weekend and I can't help but think to myself - this wouldn't happen in Denver
Friday, October 27, 2006
Gym bunnies wanted
I'm determined to be in better shape by Christmas and in fantastic shape by the summer. The last year has given me the perfect excuse not to exercise (other than doing 5 miles a day with the dog) and the perfect excuse to indulge in food. And I'm heading in the direction of the gym bunny pictured.
Of course I'm disguising my body vanity as a quest for better health. As all body dismorphioc people do. As you know I'm working with nutritionists at the moment and each seem to find the name and the naming of this blog worrysome.
The name you see came as an immediate reaction to being told that I was going to need chemo. Far from devastation or a need for a moment to process the information I immediately pictured myself as Ivan Lendl, hollow cheeked, gaunt and pale and thought 'Wow, I'm going to be fabulously thin.' This - by expert accounts - is not a normal reaction.
Nor was it an accurate picture. The steroid, the bloating, the food cravings and the post cancer feeling of immunity from death all led to the pounds piling on and the muscle falling off.
Leaving Sydney I weighed 155lbs and had 10% body fat. During chemo that was 157lbs and 11.5%. Now I'm 165lbs and larding it around like Bella Emberg after a vacation at a Donut factory.
So it's time to say no to alcohol, no to snacks, no to the sofa and hello gym, hello pilates, hello carrots, hello 7 mile walks with the dog.
I want trousers that don't brand me when I lean over. I want not to be able to pinch more than an inch. I want to escape the invisibility of middle age and be noticed on the streets, checked out in Chelsea and comfortable on a T-shirt. I want to say goodbye to man boobs and the Florida or Texas waistline decision.
So it's back to the grindstone - I have a second gym session in 30 mins and a 2 hr dog walk planned thereafter. I also have 'before' photos to take. This, I think, is gonna be a bumpy ride
Of course I'm disguising my body vanity as a quest for better health. As all body dismorphioc people do. As you know I'm working with nutritionists at the moment and each seem to find the name and the naming of this blog worrysome.
The name you see came as an immediate reaction to being told that I was going to need chemo. Far from devastation or a need for a moment to process the information I immediately pictured myself as Ivan Lendl, hollow cheeked, gaunt and pale and thought 'Wow, I'm going to be fabulously thin.' This - by expert accounts - is not a normal reaction.
Nor was it an accurate picture. The steroid, the bloating, the food cravings and the post cancer feeling of immunity from death all led to the pounds piling on and the muscle falling off.
Leaving Sydney I weighed 155lbs and had 10% body fat. During chemo that was 157lbs and 11.5%. Now I'm 165lbs and larding it around like Bella Emberg after a vacation at a Donut factory.
So it's time to say no to alcohol, no to snacks, no to the sofa and hello gym, hello pilates, hello carrots, hello 7 mile walks with the dog.
I want trousers that don't brand me when I lean over. I want not to be able to pinch more than an inch. I want to escape the invisibility of middle age and be noticed on the streets, checked out in Chelsea and comfortable on a T-shirt. I want to say goodbye to man boobs and the Florida or Texas waistline decision.
So it's back to the grindstone - I have a second gym session in 30 mins and a 2 hr dog walk planned thereafter. I also have 'before' photos to take. This, I think, is gonna be a bumpy ride
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Outsourcing parenting
I'm doing more and more work on how we're outsourcing parenting these days - so desperate to be our kids friends that we're prepared to pay to have somebody else police them. Be it a real nanny, a net nanny or a GPS system attached to their car / phone that alerts the police when errant children stray from the boundaries set for them.
Moms wanna be 'chat buddies', dads wanna be 'sports buddies' and everyone wants to be liked. It's a weird trend, this discipline at a distance by a paid stranger but it's quite an industry
Moms wanna be 'chat buddies', dads wanna be 'sports buddies' and everyone wants to be liked. It's a weird trend, this discipline at a distance by a paid stranger but it's quite an industry
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
2nd full day at work
I did two days back to back at work this week.
Punctuated by long breakfasts and lunches
And finished with my getting slaughtered on the cheap Hungarian plonk served up by NylonNehru suited barmen at agency functions
Sad but true.
Still no word on my move
Or on my staying
Punctuated by long breakfasts and lunches
And finished with my getting slaughtered on the cheap Hungarian plonk served up by NylonNehru suited barmen at agency functions
Sad but true.
Still no word on my move
Or on my staying
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
A change is gonna come
when I was a lad when Nike wanted my attention they wrote an ad that dragged Eric Cantona and Robbie Fowler down to the park for a kick-a-bout with some amateurs, mixed in some Blur and had us all falling over ourselves to throw our praise and money at them. This year they decided to get people to participate in sport with Run London - North vs South, in competition and varying colors. I could download myself crossing the line, keep my timing device, alter the course of the competition and choose my virtual training partner. It was about involvement. Why write an ad when you can stage an event - and film it?More and more this is the way that 'advertising' is going. Less show, less tell, more invitation, more innovation. It's what I want to do too. I've said before that my job is to have people appreciate the things that they buy and own more. Coke tastes better out of a can than in a blind taste test. Handing over a Lexus keyring feels great (if you're a fat old guy who loves Valet Parking). There's an argument to be made here - but I'm at work. And people are playing the 'I'm loud and therefore right' card... making it impossible to concentrate on anything other than bad puns, poor strategy and perpetuating the belief that we're the only intelligent people in the world.
a real post when I get home
Monday, October 23, 2006
Dawn of a new era
I started my Pilates today. 1 on 1 sessions with a very encouraging women who did her best not to dissolve into fllods of tears / laughter at my pathetic efforts. I shall be returning twice a week for the next 6 weeks as well as piling on the gym sessions.
With Jude already scheduled for Niagara, Denver, Calgary and Victoria BC and with more dates piling up for her it's good that I have something to keep my devilish hands occupied. There is, after all, a time when even the Internet can fail to entertain.
My desperate need for physicality - and the idea of my running along beaches, cycling through crisp mountain air and skiiing with the hoi poloi is shaping Judith's job search I think. Though the idea of Hong Kong is financially appealing.
I'm wondering whether all of this 'must be in the open air, under a big sky' nonsense is a late reaction to near death, the early onset of a mid-life crisis (okay, not so early) or a sudden realization that I've been selling my soul for pennies in cities that have made me ill for too long.
So the exercise started today. And the books start tomorrow. I have two ideas for books on advertising and deciding which to write has been paralyzing... so I'm going to do both.
The first is a simple '12 shapes that shape advertising' - a How To... for planners.
The second asks the question 'if advertising started today; with all of the technology that we have but none of the history' what would it look like? what would advertising agencies look like? and what would our cities look like?'
So - exercise for body and mind - cool
With Jude already scheduled for Niagara, Denver, Calgary and Victoria BC and with more dates piling up for her it's good that I have something to keep my devilish hands occupied. There is, after all, a time when even the Internet can fail to entertain.
My desperate need for physicality - and the idea of my running along beaches, cycling through crisp mountain air and skiiing with the hoi poloi is shaping Judith's job search I think. Though the idea of Hong Kong is financially appealing.
I'm wondering whether all of this 'must be in the open air, under a big sky' nonsense is a late reaction to near death, the early onset of a mid-life crisis (okay, not so early) or a sudden realization that I've been selling my soul for pennies in cities that have made me ill for too long.
So the exercise started today. And the books start tomorrow. I have two ideas for books on advertising and deciding which to write has been paralyzing... so I'm going to do both.
The first is a simple '12 shapes that shape advertising' - a How To... for planners.
The second asks the question 'if advertising started today; with all of the technology that we have but none of the history' what would it look like? what would advertising agencies look like? and what would our cities look like?'
So - exercise for body and mind - cool
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Vroom
Judith back from the second of her interviews and very enthused about the idea of cleaner air, new challenges and a living somewhere that means we need a car, gardening tools and more furniture.
I, of course, hear only the word 'car' in that battery of must haves and even though any potential move is a year away I've picked it out. The Suzuki SX4 JX AWD is about the size of a VW Golf, has all wheel drive (she's only looking at places where it snows) and 143bhp. I'm lovin' it.
All a long way off but the ideas of pastures new and my working remotely where and when I can really does appeal. I have this very real urge to be more physical at the moment. I've signed up for one on one pilates, my bike has come out of storage, I loved the immediate physicality of archery, the dog is going thrice around the park and I want to do more. A move will help with that.
As for not being in an office everyday - that's exactly how I'm working now; with teams spread from Argentina through Australia to Sydney and South Africa and clients in London and Amsterdam. And whilst sometimes the 'there by phone' thing is a frustration the amount of focussed time and pure thinking I can give people has at least doubled.
So a year away at least - but I have to say that I'm pretty excited.
I, of course, hear only the word 'car' in that battery of must haves and even though any potential move is a year away I've picked it out. The Suzuki SX4 JX AWD is about the size of a VW Golf, has all wheel drive (she's only looking at places where it snows) and 143bhp. I'm lovin' it.
All a long way off but the ideas of pastures new and my working remotely where and when I can really does appeal. I have this very real urge to be more physical at the moment. I've signed up for one on one pilates, my bike has come out of storage, I loved the immediate physicality of archery, the dog is going thrice around the park and I want to do more. A move will help with that.
As for not being in an office everyday - that's exactly how I'm working now; with teams spread from Argentina through Australia to Sydney and South Africa and clients in London and Amsterdam. And whilst sometimes the 'there by phone' thing is a frustration the amount of focussed time and pure thinking I can give people has at least doubled.
So a year away at least - but I have to say that I'm pretty excited.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Back from Miami
Where it was 32C, warm and about 50% cheaper to rent a place than it is here in NYC. It did make me wonder why I choose to live here - though with my still having a total sun ban post Radiation treatment I think that the sun and the proximity of the beaches would be torture.
I wanted a picture of a sign that said "No loitering in the sea grass" but couldn['t find one - so here's someone's arse on an overcast haulover beach
I wanted a picture of a sign that said "No loitering in the sea grass" but couldn['t find one - so here's someone's arse on an overcast haulover beach
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Bleary eyed in foggy Frankfurt
Didn't sleep on the way over here, due to leaving at 5pm, sloping 'beds' and Lufthansa's insistance that good service and waking people on the hour are positively connected.
On to Miami and 35C heat today, I only wish that the beach was an option but my weight and the fact that post radiation I'll burn like a peeled albino at the introduction of sun mean that it's the hotel and sleep for me.
The pic btw is Deliah, Jude and Velcro enjoying the Indian summer in Billyburg
On to Miami and 35C heat today, I only wish that the beach was an option but my weight and the fact that post radiation I'll burn like a peeled albino at the introduction of sun mean that it's the hotel and sleep for me.
The pic btw is Deliah, Jude and Velcro enjoying the Indian summer in Billyburg
Sunday, October 15, 2006
An aimless ramble
Isn’t this just the most fantastic image? There’s something about smoke suspended in air that’s undeniably sensual. I think that it’s the fluidity that does it, smoke doesn’t move with purpose, it lingers. It lingers around the mouth, it dares you to inhale; reminds us of our proximity to other people, that we share the same air.
If the world was black and white, the women were French and slouched the louche slouch of the aristocratically debauched and if the walls of every bar reeked of the decadence of the torch song then I’d be a happy man.
What am I blathering on about? I’m not sure but I find that as I get older I get more nostalgic for times I didn’t witness. I love the idea of 20s Harlem or 30s Berlin. The danger, the slumming, the energy, the easy outrage. The idea that there were still boundaries to push against, minds to expand.
I find myself nostalgic for times when experience required effort. How different was life when entertainment had to be sought out. I think that that’s the major change I’ve seen in my lifetime. 25 years ago if you wanted entertainment you had to leave the house and seek it out. You wanted a saucy thrill and to see what all the ‘Deep Throat’ fuss was about, you headed to the nearest ‘porn cinema’ and dealt with all that that meant. These days entertainment doesn’t live outside the home, it lives inside our every device. ‘Deep Throat’ is available On Demand, it’s inside this computer, it’s available on my phone, I could even get a fridge that could find it. We’re so used to having entertainment available that we expect everything from Church to the shape of our Fish Fingers (Fish Sticks) to entertain us.
Mind this change is the basis of my theory that boredom was a 20th century disease. Prior to the 20th century you were too busy throwing piss out of a window and burying your children to be bored. Just look at any of those ‘ye olde house’ shows where people ‘travel back in time’ and end up spending 16 hrs a day polishing the fireplace.
Then came labor saving devices. And around the same time radio and TV. Both offered tantalizing glimpses of other worlds. Both entertained. Both raised our expectations – and both fell silent for long periods of the day. We were shown that the world could be endlessly entertaining; we were excited to the point of giddy by masked men and their sidekicks and then… nothing. The screens went blank and nothing else seemed as interesting. We were prisoners to scheduling and the dead time dragged.
But no more. This is a 39 / 7 economy. That’s how long a day is these days. 39 hours. Or at least when you ask people to keep a record of all that they’ve done and how long it took them the tasks add up top 39 hrs. There’s multi-tasking for you. So no more boredom. 10 mins to wait – TXT. 20 mins to wait – e-mail. A half hour – Messenger. A whole say – Secondlife.
So no more boredom. But no more illicit thrills. And no more smoke. No more Marlenes, no more Mae Wests, no more Josphene Bakers. No more. Pig Porn yes. Old school provocation no. Sad huh?
Thank you very much... we are STILL the Pet Shop Boys
Pet Shop Boys last night and they were much better than I'd expected. Neil's voice, which I always had assumed relied heavily on studio steroids, was actually really strong. The set was simple but innovative and the crowd pretty appreciative - to the point of bonkers on any song that was more than 15 years old.
The new song old song routine did have us up and down like a tart's knickers - as people 'danced like their dad' then caught second wind during the new stuff. But I really enjoyed it.
I'd have enjoyed it more if Jude and I weren't simultaneously at breaking point. She has two big interviews, a thesis, a paper and teaching to contend with. I have two huge presentations, pressure from two offices to give them my undivided attention and a potential life shift coming up. I think we've both felt this tense before, but never at the same time and we're feeding off the other's edginess.
Still nothing we can do other than put our heads down and grind through the next two months.
What a miserable entry.
The new song old song routine did have us up and down like a tart's knickers - as people 'danced like their dad' then caught second wind during the new stuff. But I really enjoyed it.
I'd have enjoyed it more if Jude and I weren't simultaneously at breaking point. She has two big interviews, a thesis, a paper and teaching to contend with. I have two huge presentations, pressure from two offices to give them my undivided attention and a potential life shift coming up. I think we've both felt this tense before, but never at the same time and we're feeding off the other's edginess.
Still nothing we can do other than put our heads down and grind through the next two months.
What a miserable entry.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
The Archer
After one of the most awful work days I can remember I set off yesterday for Queens and a spot of Archery. And it was fantastic. Okay so some of the bizarre hunting magazines "White Spot's Stag Of The Month' featured a deer as the centrefold and one or two of the posters looked a tad dodgy - swinsuit, highheels, longbow being an odd combo but taking a low tech bow and slowly realizing that 'yes' I could plant the arrows consistently was very cool and very calming. Every other thought melted away as the target loomed back into view. I shall return and soon.
Not much else happening here - Pet Shop Boys at Radio City Music Hall tonight (the place has sold out, no tickets available 'even for ready money'); Jude off to Buffalo tomorrow (weather permitting - they got 22 inches of snow yesterday) and then on to Denver. I off to Frankfurt Monday - landing Tuesday.
Boring huh?
Not much else happening here - Pet Shop Boys at Radio City Music Hall tonight (the place has sold out, no tickets available 'even for ready money'); Jude off to Buffalo tomorrow (weather permitting - they got 22 inches of snow yesterday) and then on to Denver. I off to Frankfurt Monday - landing Tuesday.
Boring huh?
Thursday, October 12, 2006
A dreadful awakening
Career wise I've been kidding myself that I'm Kylie Minogue
(popular in some places, a few hardcore fans, the occasional rump
shaking piece of brilliance then three turgid albums full of dross)
But it's just hit me - I'm Britney Spears (the cellulite years)
This is a jaw slackening moment of self awareness.
BTW - Check out more of minifig's work over at flickr.com
(popular in some places, a few hardcore fans, the occasional rump
shaking piece of brilliance then three turgid albums full of dross)
But it's just hit me - I'm Britney Spears (the cellulite years)
This is a jaw slackening moment of self awareness.
BTW - Check out more of minifig's work over at flickr.com
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
A question
How much food bullshit have you swallowed?
Do you still believe any of the nutritional advice out there?
Or the fad diets?
Are you still eating Atkins?
Is anyone still on the cabbage diet?
Are you eating food for its vibrational energies?
Gillian 'Poo lady' McKeith thinks that you should - whilst embracing internal photosynthesis and an alkeline regime to combat acidosis. The charge is that she bought her PhD and that now we're buying her bullshit. I don't feel qualified to comment - I'm still eating my crusts in an attempt to make my hair curl="all" />
Do you still believe any of the nutritional advice out there?
Or the fad diets?
Are you still eating Atkins?
Is anyone still on the cabbage diet?
Are you eating food for its vibrational energies?
Gillian 'Poo lady' McKeith thinks that you should - whilst embracing internal photosynthesis and an alkeline regime to combat acidosis. The charge is that she bought her PhD and that now we're buying her bullshit. I don't feel qualified to comment - I'm still eating my crusts in an attempt to make my hair curl="all" />
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
the latest attempt to kill me
the latest attempt to kill me is to have me fly overnight to Frankfurt where I'll deliver a briefing - to a bunch of non-English speakers (I don't speak Spanish, Mandarin or Portugese so it could be a problem)
then jump on a flight to Miami where I'll deliver a speech about all things trendy (to people who are slightly less trendy than me, which is not at all)
before hopping on a flight to NYC where I have a 7am meeting to talk about expert opinion on what we're trying to do.
Still I rack up some miles on my Star Alliance card, get to sample the Lufthansa beds, get to spend a day in Miami and don't have to travel to London in person for the expert meeting.
So I'll be killed slowly rather than in one go.
Isn't it nice to know that you're company has your health and well-being at its centre?
then jump on a flight to Miami where I'll deliver a speech about all things trendy (to people who are slightly less trendy than me, which is not at all)
before hopping on a flight to NYC where I have a 7am meeting to talk about expert opinion on what we're trying to do.
Still I rack up some miles on my Star Alliance card, get to sample the Lufthansa beds, get to spend a day in Miami and don't have to travel to London in person for the expert meeting.
So I'll be killed slowly rather than in one go.
Isn't it nice to know that you're company has your health and well-being at its centre?
Monday, October 09, 2006
Another escapee
My erstwhile colleague Mr Eben Strousse announced his departure from the building this week. He's off to get married, start a new job and move home to California, cleaner air, real space and a little bit of happiness.
His leaving drinks on a Sunday afternoon, surounded by Walk Against Breast Cancer 'athletes' was a lovely affair and I must concede a terrible jealousy. He seems to have done exactly the right thing for exactly the right reasons.
11 months before I can contemplate the same.
And counting
His leaving drinks on a Sunday afternoon, surounded by Walk Against Breast Cancer 'athletes' was a lovely affair and I must concede a terrible jealousy. He seems to have done exactly the right thing for exactly the right reasons.
11 months before I can contemplate the same.
And counting
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