St Patrick's day today...
Which means green beer, crowds of drunken swine and a sea of watery green vomit flowing down through the gutters of the city.
It's also the day that my brother's baby (hopefully to be named Sugar Walls) is due
Scans Tuesday and Wednesday of next week - Chemo IV (revenge of the revenge's revenge) on Friday
A blog that started as an info site to help people keep up with my cancer treatments and has morphed...
Friday, March 17, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Oh my giddy aunt
After the inactivity forced by my cold and the attendant mucus, dire warnings of infection (and we all saw what happened to Dana on ‘The L Word’ this week) and a need to sleep 18 hrs a day I’m finally back at work. And busy. I’d describe it as a ‘giddy flurry of activity’ – if I was a 74 year old harridan from Harrogate, but I’m not and thus I won’t.
Tuesday was a 6am start (I’d forgotten about rising before dawn) and a quick blast up a familiar road to Tarrytown – where a two day client training course in need of my moderating skills awaited. Of course two other agencies sent planners – and they sent people with real careers. Quite what happened to my career I’ll never know. Splendid as both ‘proper planners’ were they seemed no more able than I – yet they command vast planning empires and more enormous salaries, whilst I languish in squalid anonymity, commanding not even the clout to order pens from the man in the cupboard downstairs and worried about the spiralling cost of Velcro's 'Oooops I poo'd bag'. It’s actually quite shocking the potential I’ve squandered over the years – and what’s more shocking is that I’m not quite sure how. There was a time when I was really good at what I did and yet… never mind. In the words of Mother Teresa ‘Fuck It’
Anyway client day went well – terribly bright people having very interesting conversations and then finding all that they did blunted by the tools, forms and formats that they’re forced to use.
One example – all were accused of being ‘too linear’ in the way they approached filling in a key form. Well yes… BUT the form was numbered. It was a form full of numbered boxes, given that people tended to start at ‘1’…
Such is corporate life (said the man working for the ad equivalent of ‘the man’)
Tonight was a ‘cocktail party’ at SoHo house. The New York SoHo house is much more glam’ that the UK version – though fewer minor celebrities can be spotted doing coke of the lavatory cisterns. I guess it’s a trade off.
Said party was thrown for David Lamb – a man with whom I loved working and moreover loved listening to. My favorite David quote came at the US Open Tennis Tournament where a very overweight Jennifer Capriati was glued to the baseline and losing badly. In crystal clear tones that cut through the stadium David cried,
“Jennifer, think of the net as a buffet… and rush it.’
I swear I saw her tense.
I didn’t want to lose David as a colleague and had I not had one foot sinking quickly into the grave would have attempted some kind of switch to the world of Diamonds (where he now works) in a bid to maintain some contact. As it is the diamond team is quite strong enough. But the idea of diamonds being a solution to the romantic inarticulacy of men is one with which I’d love to play.
Good to see colleagues past and present tonight – though I really ought to make myself some kind of T-Shirt that says ‘It’s not a look, it’s chemo.’ – the explanation gets tiresome after a while and I find myself veering into brutality in the way I deliver the information. People deserve better than that.
Oddly I’ve just received an e-mail from a ‘futurologist’ who wanted to know what I have under my sink. She’s asked me this before. It’s bordering on obsession I think. To the point that should she ask again she may find her entrails joining my recycling bin and old carrier bags.
And on that note, I’m off to bed.
Tuesday was a 6am start (I’d forgotten about rising before dawn) and a quick blast up a familiar road to Tarrytown – where a two day client training course in need of my moderating skills awaited. Of course two other agencies sent planners – and they sent people with real careers. Quite what happened to my career I’ll never know. Splendid as both ‘proper planners’ were they seemed no more able than I – yet they command vast planning empires and more enormous salaries, whilst I languish in squalid anonymity, commanding not even the clout to order pens from the man in the cupboard downstairs and worried about the spiralling cost of Velcro's 'Oooops I poo'd bag'. It’s actually quite shocking the potential I’ve squandered over the years – and what’s more shocking is that I’m not quite sure how. There was a time when I was really good at what I did and yet… never mind. In the words of Mother Teresa ‘Fuck It’
Anyway client day went well – terribly bright people having very interesting conversations and then finding all that they did blunted by the tools, forms and formats that they’re forced to use.
One example – all were accused of being ‘too linear’ in the way they approached filling in a key form. Well yes… BUT the form was numbered. It was a form full of numbered boxes, given that people tended to start at ‘1’…
Such is corporate life (said the man working for the ad equivalent of ‘the man’)
Tonight was a ‘cocktail party’ at SoHo house. The New York SoHo house is much more glam’ that the UK version – though fewer minor celebrities can be spotted doing coke of the lavatory cisterns. I guess it’s a trade off.
Said party was thrown for David Lamb – a man with whom I loved working and moreover loved listening to. My favorite David quote came at the US Open Tennis Tournament where a very overweight Jennifer Capriati was glued to the baseline and losing badly. In crystal clear tones that cut through the stadium David cried,
“Jennifer, think of the net as a buffet… and rush it.’
I swear I saw her tense.
I didn’t want to lose David as a colleague and had I not had one foot sinking quickly into the grave would have attempted some kind of switch to the world of Diamonds (where he now works) in a bid to maintain some contact. As it is the diamond team is quite strong enough. But the idea of diamonds being a solution to the romantic inarticulacy of men is one with which I’d love to play.
Good to see colleagues past and present tonight – though I really ought to make myself some kind of T-Shirt that says ‘It’s not a look, it’s chemo.’ – the explanation gets tiresome after a while and I find myself veering into brutality in the way I deliver the information. People deserve better than that.
Oddly I’ve just received an e-mail from a ‘futurologist’ who wanted to know what I have under my sink. She’s asked me this before. It’s bordering on obsession I think. To the point that should she ask again she may find her entrails joining my recycling bin and old carrier bags.
And on that note, I’m off to bed.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Ask your Doctor if WobLeX is right for you
Time to update the blog again – but with what? This cold has taken so long to shake and left me so utterly and totally wiped out that most of the tales that I have to tell are tales of Rip van Winkel like sleep marathons and ‘wobbly leg’ syndrome.
Actually all I need is an acronym, a celebrity spokesperson and a sugar coated pill and I could make a fortune with Wobbly Leg Syndrome.
‘Do you wake up in the mornings? Do you get breathless on stairs? Do you sometimes get tired in the mall? Does the idea of your completing the Iron Man Triathlon seem ridiculous to you? If so then you may have Wobbly Leg Syndrome. Millions of Americans suffer from WLS… but you need suffer no more. Thanks to WobLeX. WobLeX is a revolutionary new drug that can address or sometimes even relieve some of the partial symptoms that you think you might possibly have. Ask your doctor if WobLeX is right for you, he'll write a script immediately. Side effects often include weight gain, weight loss, nausea, rectal bleeding and tired, heavy legs”
I tell you throw a celebrity chunkester (chubby but not fat, heaven forfend) at it and we’re rich.
I’m feeling much better today. Still waiting on approval for my scans – will follow up on Monday. Check (cheque) in the mail (post) to the villa people. Ready for action here.
Actually all I need is an acronym, a celebrity spokesperson and a sugar coated pill and I could make a fortune with Wobbly Leg Syndrome.
‘Do you wake up in the mornings? Do you get breathless on stairs? Do you sometimes get tired in the mall? Does the idea of your completing the Iron Man Triathlon seem ridiculous to you? If so then you may have Wobbly Leg Syndrome. Millions of Americans suffer from WLS… but you need suffer no more. Thanks to WobLeX. WobLeX is a revolutionary new drug that can address or sometimes even relieve some of the partial symptoms that you think you might possibly have. Ask your doctor if WobLeX is right for you, he'll write a script immediately. Side effects often include weight gain, weight loss, nausea, rectal bleeding and tired, heavy legs”
I tell you throw a celebrity chunkester (chubby but not fat, heaven forfend) at it and we’re rich.
I’m feeling much better today. Still waiting on approval for my scans – will follow up on Monday. Check (cheque) in the mail (post) to the villa people. Ready for action here.
Friday, March 10, 2006
A place in the sun
Ok so we've finally booked a place in the sun - we're off to Anguilla July 2nd through July 10th.
Decided to book a villa so that we would have some privacy, the chance to chill out by our own pool and to cook for ourselves rather than falling for the 'Continental Breakfast'
There's a link here to where we're staying
http://www.18degreesnorth.com/amenitites.htm
Of course there's no guarantee that I'll be finished with treatment by July but I'm assured that treatment can e worked around my being away for eight days and that my having something in the diary that doesn't involve my ingesting poisons is a positive thing.
It's on days like this that I start to feel lucky again. We have access to the best treatment for this disease, the support of really good friends and the ability to buy ourselves a little light at the end of the tunnel. That's something that very few people can say.
Now if anyone fancies a spot of pet sitting in early July - we have a 16,000 BTU aircon unit and a 'fridge full of ice-pops.
Decided to book a villa so that we would have some privacy, the chance to chill out by our own pool and to cook for ourselves rather than falling for the 'Continental Breakfast'
There's a link here to where we're staying
http://www.18degreesnorth.com/amenitites.htm
Of course there's no guarantee that I'll be finished with treatment by July but I'm assured that treatment can e worked around my being away for eight days and that my having something in the diary that doesn't involve my ingesting poisons is a positive thing.
It's on days like this that I start to feel lucky again. We have access to the best treatment for this disease, the support of really good friends and the ability to buy ourselves a little light at the end of the tunnel. That's something that very few people can say.
Now if anyone fancies a spot of pet sitting in early July - we have a 16,000 BTU aircon unit and a 'fridge full of ice-pops.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
A slow day
Other than the ongoing war I'm having with our heating (sometimes it responds instantly, occasionally it decides to hang out a while, to chill, to relax, to heat only, say, the kitchen for 20 mins bfore moving on to the rest of the big room we live in) things are ok.
Nose is still streaming, legs feel as though they're made of some weird polymer but the cough is all but gone and I cope better with what I see as 'unrelated' symptoms.
Still waiting on insurance approval for the CAT and PET scans, will follow up with Adela tomorrow, meanwhile it's sit tight and do nothing today - hard as I'm bored already
Nose is still streaming, legs feel as though they're made of some weird polymer but the cough is all but gone and I cope better with what I see as 'unrelated' symptoms.
Still waiting on insurance approval for the CAT and PET scans, will follow up with Adela tomorrow, meanwhile it's sit tight and do nothing today - hard as I'm bored already
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
That's better!
After a week of coughing and spluttering and three days of eyes, nose and anything else that can produce liquid just streaming away I woke up this morning feeling SO MUCH BETTER.
It may be the big, red horse pills that Maureen (my nurse) gave me; it may be the gallons or tea that I drank, it may be the change in weather (they're talking an 18C weekened and spring is springing as I write) but it feels great not to be surrounded by snot pagodas, assembled from tiny mounds of coughed into tissue
It may be the big, red horse pills that Maureen (my nurse) gave me; it may be the gallons or tea that I drank, it may be the change in weather (they're talking an 18C weekened and spring is springing as I write) but it feels great not to be surrounded by snot pagodas, assembled from tiny mounds of coughed into tissue
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Oscar Night
So whilst the starlets are being plucked, the stars tucked into their tuxes and Isaak Mizrahi's hands warmed (whose tits will he grab on tonight's red carpet) I'm starting to feel the effects of the Rituxin.
Had a great day yesterday and woke up this morning feeling fabulous but knowing that at any moment my body would start pumping out anti-bodies to attack the cancer cells now clearly marked by the man-mouse hybrid drug.
And so it is... I'm not feeling bad, just a little 'flu like, a little achy, a little tired, a little congested, glands just a little swollen. Exactly what I should be feeling - another $5k well spent.
More Velcade and Neulastra tomorrow and a drastic decrease in the number of drugs I'm taking, so we'll see if it has the same effects as last time.
Cough still knocking around, but deeper, less frequent and more 'boomy' a good sign I hope.
On the Oscars I'm shocked and scandalized that Dakota didn't get a nod for 'Dreamer : Inspired by a true story"; I, like her agent, had seen it as the Liz taylor way to Oscar stardom - involve a horse and surely you're there
But Oscar this year was feeling political... perhaps if it had been a gay, soon to be gelded arab horse trained in Israel .. who knows?
Ok - time for some pre-Oscars filler TV
Had a great day yesterday and woke up this morning feeling fabulous but knowing that at any moment my body would start pumping out anti-bodies to attack the cancer cells now clearly marked by the man-mouse hybrid drug.
And so it is... I'm not feeling bad, just a little 'flu like, a little achy, a little tired, a little congested, glands just a little swollen. Exactly what I should be feeling - another $5k well spent.
More Velcade and Neulastra tomorrow and a drastic decrease in the number of drugs I'm taking, so we'll see if it has the same effects as last time.
Cough still knocking around, but deeper, less frequent and more 'boomy' a good sign I hope.
On the Oscars I'm shocked and scandalized that Dakota didn't get a nod for 'Dreamer : Inspired by a true story"; I, like her agent, had seen it as the Liz taylor way to Oscar stardom - involve a horse and surely you're there
But Oscar this year was feeling political... perhaps if it had been a gay, soon to be gelded arab horse trained in Israel .. who knows?
Ok - time for some pre-Oscars filler TV
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Chemo III - big bit done
Chemo went well yesterday
No vomitting! Yeah!
Pretty quick too, which was a relief as the i-pod REALLY needs updating with something a little more contemporary than 'Cyndi Lauper sings her old songs in a different key'... or whatever thealbum is called. Sometimes I just have to pinch myself to remind myself that the world already has one Nathan Lane - and that's one too many.
Drilled all about my cough - they were very doctorly.
My lungs are clear, I'm taking in more air, I haven't developed any classic lymphoma systems and I'm tolerating treatment well which means there are three possible causes for the 'Return Of The Cough'
1) Most likely. I have a cold
2) Quite Likely. It's a reaction to the chemo drugs (a cough is a common side effect)
3) Unlikely but possible. I'm not responding to the treatment, the tumor is growing again, I'm screwed
Option THREE will be discounted or proved after my PET and CAT scans (about then days from now, so results in about two weeks)
After months of optimism I'm firmly in camp three - necessitating new (unproven and dangerous) treatment (possibly given in a bubble for extra drama), an against the odds cure and juice for the narrative of the film sure to follow.
It's the classic Don Simpson 'Top Gun' structure; you need to have hopelessness in the second real so that you can have triumph in the third - that's why Goose died.
Anyway coffee done, Jude up and as I have no signn of nausea (yet)) I'm about to eat more than any man should. Pancakes, hmmm.
Steve
No vomitting! Yeah!
Pretty quick too, which was a relief as the i-pod REALLY needs updating with something a little more contemporary than 'Cyndi Lauper sings her old songs in a different key'... or whatever thealbum is called. Sometimes I just have to pinch myself to remind myself that the world already has one Nathan Lane - and that's one too many.
Drilled all about my cough - they were very doctorly.
My lungs are clear, I'm taking in more air, I haven't developed any classic lymphoma systems and I'm tolerating treatment well which means there are three possible causes for the 'Return Of The Cough'
1) Most likely. I have a cold
2) Quite Likely. It's a reaction to the chemo drugs (a cough is a common side effect)
3) Unlikely but possible. I'm not responding to the treatment, the tumor is growing again, I'm screwed
Option THREE will be discounted or proved after my PET and CAT scans (about then days from now, so results in about two weeks)
After months of optimism I'm firmly in camp three - necessitating new (unproven and dangerous) treatment (possibly given in a bubble for extra drama), an against the odds cure and juice for the narrative of the film sure to follow.
It's the classic Don Simpson 'Top Gun' structure; you need to have hopelessness in the second real so that you can have triumph in the third - that's why Goose died.
Anyway coffee done, Jude up and as I have no signn of nausea (yet)) I'm about to eat more than any man should. Pancakes, hmmm.
Steve
Thursday, March 02, 2006
handbags at dusk
Feeling just a tad shirty today. The reason? Work, mainly.
Spent the week dragging my cancer infested carcass across town, on public transport, to the asbestos filled building site that doubles as my office- all in a bid to help come up with some answers for an important upcoming meeting.
This regime saw me manage to catch a cold, start coughing again and generally exhaust myself - but we got to a good place. I wrote up all my thoughts, quite nicely I thought and then reminded people that I have chemo Friday and Monday – so I wouldn’t be working the weekend or available before the Tuesday am meeting. Tuesday am would be tough but I agreed to drag my recently poisoned self there, downing steroids and anti-nausea pills as I went.
Of course nobody heard the last bit. Today has been a barrage of ‘you have to come in’ calls. Of coercing, pleading and emotional blackmail.
‘Hey’, they said, ‘why not come in at 6pm and we can work late?’
‘Because’ said I ‘There’s a very real danger that my dragging myself in through a snow storm, to work late, the day before chemo, might just kill me.’
‘You’ll be fine. We need you here. You said you didn’t feel THAT sick. If this goes well you’ll be able to take some time off, it’ll all be agreed’
‘F*ck right off.’
‘5pm?’
I really do think that if I do end up in the 50% of people who are killed by this disease there will be a move from my account management team to have my headstone wired for broadband – just in case they need help with PowerPoint charts.
Spent the week dragging my cancer infested carcass across town, on public transport, to the asbestos filled building site that doubles as my office- all in a bid to help come up with some answers for an important upcoming meeting.
This regime saw me manage to catch a cold, start coughing again and generally exhaust myself - but we got to a good place. I wrote up all my thoughts, quite nicely I thought and then reminded people that I have chemo Friday and Monday – so I wouldn’t be working the weekend or available before the Tuesday am meeting. Tuesday am would be tough but I agreed to drag my recently poisoned self there, downing steroids and anti-nausea pills as I went.
Of course nobody heard the last bit. Today has been a barrage of ‘you have to come in’ calls. Of coercing, pleading and emotional blackmail.
‘Hey’, they said, ‘why not come in at 6pm and we can work late?’
‘Because’ said I ‘There’s a very real danger that my dragging myself in through a snow storm, to work late, the day before chemo, might just kill me.’
‘You’ll be fine. We need you here. You said you didn’t feel THAT sick. If this goes well you’ll be able to take some time off, it’ll all be agreed’
‘F*ck right off.’
‘5pm?’
I really do think that if I do end up in the 50% of people who are killed by this disease there will be a move from my account management team to have my headstone wired for broadband – just in case they need help with PowerPoint charts.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
$5493.01
That's what it costs for a single shot of Rituxin here.
Yep the first chemo bill came in and a single shot of the R in Chop-R costs close to $5500.
If I get that back against my taxes today I shall turn loop de loop and cartwheel through Union Square.
Thank god for insurance, huh? It 'only' cost me $550.
Still full of cold here, nose dripping onto the dog as I type. But a cold I can cope with.
Mail this week brought novelty wigs, sideburns, moustaches, fake glasses, lollipops and a bag of toffees (!) from my cousin Janet who is almost as mad as she is loud.
Wigs for the NY winter cold, lollipops for a Kojak impression should it turn warm, toffees because she thinks I can afford American denistry.
It is tax day today. That means heading into a tax preparation office, whipping out your pay stubs and answering lots of detailed questions within the hearing of 20 strangers - all of whom you have to think have the wherewithall to commit identity theft (I know I have, I lived as Liza Minelli for two years in the early 80s). Franky I hate sitting in H&R block having people tut at my lack of 401k and sigh at my lack of write-offable receipts., but to date they've handed me a cheque at the end of the inquisition and I've been happy.
Hoping to get a refund big enough to pay the hospital bills so I can get back to looking at mad (if unresponsive) Frenchmen on Caribbean isles
Yep the first chemo bill came in and a single shot of the R in Chop-R costs close to $5500.
If I get that back against my taxes today I shall turn loop de loop and cartwheel through Union Square.
Thank god for insurance, huh? It 'only' cost me $550.
Still full of cold here, nose dripping onto the dog as I type. But a cold I can cope with.
Mail this week brought novelty wigs, sideburns, moustaches, fake glasses, lollipops and a bag of toffees (!) from my cousin Janet who is almost as mad as she is loud.
Wigs for the NY winter cold, lollipops for a Kojak impression should it turn warm, toffees because she thinks I can afford American denistry.
It is tax day today. That means heading into a tax preparation office, whipping out your pay stubs and answering lots of detailed questions within the hearing of 20 strangers - all of whom you have to think have the wherewithall to commit identity theft (I know I have, I lived as Liza Minelli for two years in the early 80s). Franky I hate sitting in H&R block having people tut at my lack of 401k and sigh at my lack of write-offable receipts., but to date they've handed me a cheque at the end of the inquisition and I've been happy.
Hoping to get a refund big enough to pay the hospital bills so I can get back to looking at mad (if unresponsive) Frenchmen on Caribbean isles
Monday, February 27, 2006
What are people expecting?
Was visited by a couple of old friends this weekend. They seemed surprised, perhaps disappointed, that I wasn't more fragile. Of course I don't feel fragile at all - the cough that started late last week persists but the lungs are clear and I'm coughing up nothing and the days of crawling to the bathroom to, quite literally, puke up bits of my guts are (I hope) way behind me.
So when asked these days
'How are you coping?'
I usually say
'With tremendous elan'
And people know to leave it be.
That's not to say that the whole thing is worry free, as I said I'm so suspicious of this cough I could be a hypocondriac Hettie Wainthrop but generally life goes on, the dog demands walking, the bills require paying and the clients - whilst sympathetic - demand the same value for their monies.
The truth is it's a bit like having a cold - but being told to watch for signs of bird flu. Your antennae is up but you just keep trucking along.
We hit Chemo Three (the halfway point) this week; a couple of weeks later it's scan time and we'll have an indictation of how I'm responding; and to what to expect post Chemo 6. The likelihood is radiation therapy, I had a big mass and standard procedure is to radiate, but who knows? It could be good news and May 5th sees me done with treatment or bad news and 2006 sees the world done with me. Such, as they say, is life.
Anyway enough early morning musing from me, I've breakfast to eat, a dog to walk and a wife to pack off to Albany.
Later
So when asked these days
'How are you coping?'
I usually say
'With tremendous elan'
And people know to leave it be.
That's not to say that the whole thing is worry free, as I said I'm so suspicious of this cough I could be a hypocondriac Hettie Wainthrop but generally life goes on, the dog demands walking, the bills require paying and the clients - whilst sympathetic - demand the same value for their monies.
The truth is it's a bit like having a cold - but being told to watch for signs of bird flu. Your antennae is up but you just keep trucking along.
We hit Chemo Three (the halfway point) this week; a couple of weeks later it's scan time and we'll have an indictation of how I'm responding; and to what to expect post Chemo 6. The likelihood is radiation therapy, I had a big mass and standard procedure is to radiate, but who knows? It could be good news and May 5th sees me done with treatment or bad news and 2006 sees the world done with me. Such, as they say, is life.
Anyway enough early morning musing from me, I've breakfast to eat, a dog to walk and a wife to pack off to Albany.
Later
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Mental Death Spiral
So having been at work all week I woke up on Friday REALLY late for something important. Naturally I reacted as any half awake drama queen might and flew around the bedroom grabbing clothes, swearing and generally enjoying the melee.
Five minutes later I fly out the of the front door and start on the three blocks to the subway station. And I cough. Then I cough again.
Immediately my mind turns to images of rapidly growing tumors, failed chemo, stem cell transplantation, a tragic end and a park bench with my name (and bird shit) on it.
Of course the cough gets no worse, my nose starts to run and I realize that I have a bit of a cold; a result no doubt that week at work - but I hope that this isn't a glimpse of the ghost of Xmas future - every minor ailment a mental crisis... 'cause I REALLY don't want to be that person
Five minutes later I fly out the of the front door and start on the three blocks to the subway station. And I cough. Then I cough again.
Immediately my mind turns to images of rapidly growing tumors, failed chemo, stem cell transplantation, a tragic end and a park bench with my name (and bird shit) on it.
Of course the cough gets no worse, my nose starts to run and I realize that I have a bit of a cold; a result no doubt that week at work - but I hope that this isn't a glimpse of the ghost of Xmas future - every minor ailment a mental crisis... 'cause I REALLY don't want to be that person
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Today's review
Amusing myself by writing film reviews; here's how today's started
"The Pink Panther, a movie delayed more times than a Tantric orgasm, finally hit the screens this week. And like a Tantric orgasm it made more of a splash than anyone was expecting"
I do amuse myself... just as well really
Red cells, white cells, platelette count all a-okay
Nausea a thing of the past
Fighting fit and raring to go here
"The Pink Panther, a movie delayed more times than a Tantric orgasm, finally hit the screens this week. And like a Tantric orgasm it made more of a splash than anyone was expecting"
I do amuse myself... just as well really
Red cells, white cells, platelette count all a-okay
Nausea a thing of the past
Fighting fit and raring to go here
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
DOLLYWOOD!
When Quokkaboy (I have no idea what it means and am afraid to ask - he's British) suggested that I head to Dollywood for a vacation he knew that I'd take him seriously.
I know that there will be bits of it that remind me that cousins shouldn't be forced to work in close proximity generation after generation and that there will be bits so sugar-coated it will be like being force fed donuts for a weekend - but ultimately the idea of visiting Dolly Parton's themepark is something that I can't resist.
And I will be visiting without tongue in cheek, eyebrows raised and with cynicism unplugged. I'll be there as a genuine visitor hoping to soak in some old style goodwill rather than there to gather some 'Dolly's second cousin is SO too fat for sequins' stories.
Don't ask me why I make an exception for Dolly - but I do and I will
So the job now is to convince Jude that a Xmas spent at Dolly's Tennesee Mountain Home (TM) would be an exercise in warmth, good heartedness and uncommercial Xmas spirit and not an exercise in my indulging in high camp at the expense of the people there for the spiced apple cider, acoustic singing and simplicity of it all.
The good thing is that I'm thinking about vacations in August and Xmas plans... two months ago I was thinking about whether I had the energy to make the bathroom or whether I should vomit into my dressing gown (bathrobe) pocket - again.
Blood work today - all was good again - now have 10 days to chill, feel good, visit friends and get ready for Chemo III (milking the formula)
Peace Out - as they still say in some quarters
I know that there will be bits of it that remind me that cousins shouldn't be forced to work in close proximity generation after generation and that there will be bits so sugar-coated it will be like being force fed donuts for a weekend - but ultimately the idea of visiting Dolly Parton's themepark is something that I can't resist.
And I will be visiting without tongue in cheek, eyebrows raised and with cynicism unplugged. I'll be there as a genuine visitor hoping to soak in some old style goodwill rather than there to gather some 'Dolly's second cousin is SO too fat for sequins' stories.
Don't ask me why I make an exception for Dolly - but I do and I will
So the job now is to convince Jude that a Xmas spent at Dolly's Tennesee Mountain Home (TM) would be an exercise in warmth, good heartedness and uncommercial Xmas spirit and not an exercise in my indulging in high camp at the expense of the people there for the spiced apple cider, acoustic singing and simplicity of it all.
The good thing is that I'm thinking about vacations in August and Xmas plans... two months ago I was thinking about whether I had the energy to make the bathroom or whether I should vomit into my dressing gown (bathrobe) pocket - again.
Blood work today - all was good again - now have 10 days to chill, feel good, visit friends and get ready for Chemo III (milking the formula)
Peace Out - as they still say in some quarters
Monday, February 20, 2006
Villa au hostellerie?
To (mis)quote Julian Clary 'Im strangely torn"...
Actually that would have been rather a fabulous quote from the man exiled from British TV for having claimed to have Fisted Norman LaMont (Chancellor of the Exchequer at the time) but already I'm off point.
So friends, family, casual viewers and disappointed Googlers (if you searched for 'fisting' or for 'Norman LaMont' I very much doubt you intended to end up here... try google images) here's the quandary.
We've settled on a vacation island - St. Barts.
It's famous for very little other than being the place where celebs get snapped naked in their villas (think JFK jr, Brad, Gwyneth etc.) but that-s what we want - not naked pics in OK magazine but beaches, sun and a break from the norm.
Our dilemma is this.
Do we rent the fabulous villa and spend our time sipping supermarket wine and badly mixed cocktails by the pool, pausing only to raise a towel above waist level when the maid service arrives
OR
Do we head for Hostellerie Des Trois Forces - a holistic hotel, run by a French astrologer with a penchant for the Buddhist. He sounds mad, his food sounds wonderful and the place is described as either 'basic but spotlessly clean' 'unlike anywhere else on earth' or as 'that dump with the junk yard car park and the mad old French guy.'
I'm thinking Hostellerie Des Trois Forces - a little yoga, some massage, some meditation, lunch by the pool, a great wine list and conversation with the Gerard Depardu meets Hermes owner. It's leaping out at me in a way that I seem powerless to resist.
But then you're my friends. It's your job to help me resist things that leap out at me, rendering me powerless if they look like a bad idea. The COMMENTS section is now open to all - you don't need to be a member of Blogger so feel free to weigh in on the matter... but hurry I feel my credit card burning a bigger whole on my wallet than the chemo is in my chest.
As filler to this and to prove that I still have half a brain I wrote my best intro to a film review since I said of Sahara
'Rarely has a movie been as aptly named as Sahara - an arid film, devoid of any real distinguishing features
that seems to go on forever'
This time I amused myself (if no-one else) with this opener to a review of hideous potboiler 'Firewall'
There are some people (of whom I'll admit to be one) who will see 'Firewall' as further evidence that Harrison Ford is coasting on autopilot toward an Indiana Jones IV payday that will keep Calista Flockhart in SlimFast for decades to come.
The plot of Indie 4 ' tentatively titled 'Indiana Jones - your grandfather's front room' has Harrison - now older than time - rediscovering an old box from his childhood, realizing through the medicare haze that it is the arc of the covenant and subsequently taking it down to a local filming of the Antiques Roadshow... just for insurance value purposes.
It's a surefire winner - and more tightly plotted than the Potboiler by numbers 'Firewall'
As I said it amused me
But enough of my old wank - blood tests then WORK tomorrow - yeh!
Actually that would have been rather a fabulous quote from the man exiled from British TV for having claimed to have Fisted Norman LaMont (Chancellor of the Exchequer at the time) but already I'm off point.
So friends, family, casual viewers and disappointed Googlers (if you searched for 'fisting' or for 'Norman LaMont' I very much doubt you intended to end up here... try google images) here's the quandary.
We've settled on a vacation island - St. Barts.
It's famous for very little other than being the place where celebs get snapped naked in their villas (think JFK jr, Brad, Gwyneth etc.) but that-s what we want - not naked pics in OK magazine but beaches, sun and a break from the norm.
Our dilemma is this.
Do we rent the fabulous villa and spend our time sipping supermarket wine and badly mixed cocktails by the pool, pausing only to raise a towel above waist level when the maid service arrives
OR
Do we head for Hostellerie Des Trois Forces - a holistic hotel, run by a French astrologer with a penchant for the Buddhist. He sounds mad, his food sounds wonderful and the place is described as either 'basic but spotlessly clean' 'unlike anywhere else on earth' or as 'that dump with the junk yard car park and the mad old French guy.'
I'm thinking Hostellerie Des Trois Forces - a little yoga, some massage, some meditation, lunch by the pool, a great wine list and conversation with the Gerard Depardu meets Hermes owner. It's leaping out at me in a way that I seem powerless to resist.
But then you're my friends. It's your job to help me resist things that leap out at me, rendering me powerless if they look like a bad idea. The COMMENTS section is now open to all - you don't need to be a member of Blogger so feel free to weigh in on the matter... but hurry I feel my credit card burning a bigger whole on my wallet than the chemo is in my chest.
As filler to this and to prove that I still have half a brain I wrote my best intro to a film review since I said of Sahara
'Rarely has a movie been as aptly named as Sahara - an arid film, devoid of any real distinguishing features
that seems to go on forever'
This time I amused myself (if no-one else) with this opener to a review of hideous potboiler 'Firewall'
There are some people (of whom I'll admit to be one) who will see 'Firewall' as further evidence that Harrison Ford is coasting on autopilot toward an Indiana Jones IV payday that will keep Calista Flockhart in SlimFast for decades to come.
The plot of Indie 4 ' tentatively titled 'Indiana Jones - your grandfather's front room' has Harrison - now older than time - rediscovering an old box from his childhood, realizing through the medicare haze that it is the arc of the covenant and subsequently taking it down to a local filming of the Antiques Roadshow... just for insurance value purposes.
It's a surefire winner - and more tightly plotted than the Potboiler by numbers 'Firewall'
As I said it amused me
But enough of my old wank - blood tests then WORK tomorrow - yeh!
Fat Virgin
Have been whiling away the long weekend (it's president's day) looking at Villas in the Carribbean. We're planning on taking some kind of vacation once treatment is over and of course therein lies the rub. We don't know when / if treatment will be over.
Chemo should be finished in May. It's then quite likely that I'll do radiotherapy too. That could be anything from 6 to 12 weeks. Of course there's then a 50% chance that I'll be in full remisssion (can't clam 'cured' for 5 years as 80% of people relapse). If the flip of the coin doesn't go my way we start to look at weird and wonderful new treatments - like stem cell transplantation - which can take another couple of months (locked in a room)
All of this needs to be balanced with the fact that it's been a tough year, it's sub zero outside, Jude's been working 100 hr weeks and we're running on fumes. We need a break - and I think that we'll take one at the beginning of August.
The brief - warm, clean, close and absolutely no cruise ships. Having stayed in Nassau I have come to detest both the floating pollution chambers that are the ships themselves and the badge wearing locusts that disembark from them - devouring all tourist tat in their wake and believing that a country's culture can be found within a half mile of its Duty Free shops. These are the people who take their homes with them and believe that they've travelled the world; and they fill me with more hate and resentment than is healthy for a man who owns as many Buddhist books as I.
So we've discounted St. Martins and all of the US Virgin Islands and are now looking at the British Virgin Islands generally and Virgin Gorda (the fat virgin) in particular. A villa will give us some privacy and autonomy, our own pool and a saving over a hotel and might even mean that we can invite a couple of friends to join us. I miss taking a bunch of people to a sunny paradise island for the weekend.
To that end I'm also looking at Necker. 26 of us could take over an entire island for about US$1000 each. Staff ratio is 1:1, we'd have our meals cooked, our own boat and helicopter transfers to wherever we want. But do I have 26 friends? I guess when it's a cheap private island jaunt on the line I could find them.
Anyway the question - do I say 'screw it' and book for August or do I play sensible and wait and see how the chemo goes before doing anything? Decisions.
An aside... whatever I do, I won't be getting travel insurance. Cancer ridden chemo patients booking months in advance are a pretty high risk of no show apparently - who'd have thought?
Chemo should be finished in May. It's then quite likely that I'll do radiotherapy too. That could be anything from 6 to 12 weeks. Of course there's then a 50% chance that I'll be in full remisssion (can't clam 'cured' for 5 years as 80% of people relapse). If the flip of the coin doesn't go my way we start to look at weird and wonderful new treatments - like stem cell transplantation - which can take another couple of months (locked in a room)
All of this needs to be balanced with the fact that it's been a tough year, it's sub zero outside, Jude's been working 100 hr weeks and we're running on fumes. We need a break - and I think that we'll take one at the beginning of August.
The brief - warm, clean, close and absolutely no cruise ships. Having stayed in Nassau I have come to detest both the floating pollution chambers that are the ships themselves and the badge wearing locusts that disembark from them - devouring all tourist tat in their wake and believing that a country's culture can be found within a half mile of its Duty Free shops. These are the people who take their homes with them and believe that they've travelled the world; and they fill me with more hate and resentment than is healthy for a man who owns as many Buddhist books as I.
So we've discounted St. Martins and all of the US Virgin Islands and are now looking at the British Virgin Islands generally and Virgin Gorda (the fat virgin) in particular. A villa will give us some privacy and autonomy, our own pool and a saving over a hotel and might even mean that we can invite a couple of friends to join us. I miss taking a bunch of people to a sunny paradise island for the weekend.
To that end I'm also looking at Necker. 26 of us could take over an entire island for about US$1000 each. Staff ratio is 1:1, we'd have our meals cooked, our own boat and helicopter transfers to wherever we want. But do I have 26 friends? I guess when it's a cheap private island jaunt on the line I could find them.
Anyway the question - do I say 'screw it' and book for August or do I play sensible and wait and see how the chemo goes before doing anything? Decisions.
An aside... whatever I do, I won't be getting travel insurance. Cancer ridden chemo patients booking months in advance are a pretty high risk of no show apparently - who'd have thought?
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Fiddler on the roof
It’s been a while since I posted anything on here. The reason? I’ve been feeling crappy. I’m not sure whether I caught Jude’s stomach flu or whether Chemo II (the revenge) wrought some revenge for the ease of Chemo I but it’s been a couple of days of nausea, knackeredness and the weak sipping of yoghurt based beverages.
Still all now seems fine as I sail I into the coldest weekend of the year bright eyed, bushy tailed and ready for the Barney’s Warehouse sale. Of course I still have clothes from 2 years ago that are still too tight for me – trousers that create the dreaded ‘muffin top’ effect around my hips but I’m telling myself that I’ve lost SOME weight and that new clothes and good health are conceptual bedfellows.
My ability to spend of course has been hampered somewhat by the medical bills that come in daily – another $700 demanded for some random treatment yesterday – and the fear of what my co-pay per chemo session will be (I still haven’t seen a bill). I’m reckoning that I have to be close to my deductibles (the amount I have to pay before insurance kicks in) but that’s complicated by treatments that started in December. You see deductibles run the calendar year – so I have $2000 for 2005 and $2000 for 2006. What this means is that I end up paying $4000 for treatment rather than the $2k it would have cost had I gotten sick in say Feb and had all of the hospital care in a single calendar year.
Handy hint – get sick at the start of the year
Mind I find that I’m spending less on treatment than I used to on lunch. I’d easily go through $25 dollars a day when I was at work each day – on lunch, the Starbuck’s run and then a supposedly healthful smoothie; and when I needed company for lunch you could double that. So I’m saving about $200 a week on food and coffee alone.
Enough though about the US medical system, things here are good.
I’m not coughing, the stairs are no problems anymore, the dog is looking better exercised, I have a fresh perspective on work, a clear perspective on what needs to be done there and I’ve discovered that our friends here are very cool people. What more can you need?
Still all now seems fine as I sail I into the coldest weekend of the year bright eyed, bushy tailed and ready for the Barney’s Warehouse sale. Of course I still have clothes from 2 years ago that are still too tight for me – trousers that create the dreaded ‘muffin top’ effect around my hips but I’m telling myself that I’ve lost SOME weight and that new clothes and good health are conceptual bedfellows.
My ability to spend of course has been hampered somewhat by the medical bills that come in daily – another $700 demanded for some random treatment yesterday – and the fear of what my co-pay per chemo session will be (I still haven’t seen a bill). I’m reckoning that I have to be close to my deductibles (the amount I have to pay before insurance kicks in) but that’s complicated by treatments that started in December. You see deductibles run the calendar year – so I have $2000 for 2005 and $2000 for 2006. What this means is that I end up paying $4000 for treatment rather than the $2k it would have cost had I gotten sick in say Feb and had all of the hospital care in a single calendar year.
Handy hint – get sick at the start of the year
Mind I find that I’m spending less on treatment than I used to on lunch. I’d easily go through $25 dollars a day when I was at work each day – on lunch, the Starbuck’s run and then a supposedly healthful smoothie; and when I needed company for lunch you could double that. So I’m saving about $200 a week on food and coffee alone.
Enough though about the US medical system, things here are good.
I’m not coughing, the stairs are no problems anymore, the dog is looking better exercised, I have a fresh perspective on work, a clear perspective on what needs to be done there and I’ve discovered that our friends here are very cool people. What more can you need?
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Ah - that's better
So after a couple of days during which I felt as though I was being routinely tortured by an invisible hand inside my guts I woke up this morning with a passing fancy for a banana. And some toast. And a cup of tea.
The sense of smell is no longer turned up to 'bloodhound' either; which is a blessed relief as EVERYTHING made me feel like throwing up - from the smell of coffee through to the shampoo they used on the dog.
It's a good feeling.. sitting here, tea in hand, dog at feet, nausea pills in cabinet... so good I may even sing a little... la-la-laaahhhh
Yup - that good
The sense of smell is no longer turned up to 'bloodhound' either; which is a blessed relief as EVERYTHING made me feel like throwing up - from the smell of coffee through to the shampoo they used on the dog.
It's a good feeling.. sitting here, tea in hand, dog at feet, nausea pills in cabinet... so good I may even sing a little... la-la-laaahhhh
Yup - that good
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Bleurgh
Not a great day today - spent 99% of the time feeling like I was going to vomit and 1% of the time vomitting.
Will check in with the hospital tomorrow re. meds that I should be taking but it's not been fun
Let's see what tomorrow brings
Will check in with the hospital tomorrow re. meds that I should be taking but it's not been fun
Let's see what tomorrow brings
Sunday, February 12, 2006
A quickie
Chemo II (the revenge) went very well. Of course the 'red stuff' made me throw up my cookies again but I was expecting it this time. Other than that all was smooth - took 6 hrs instead of the 10 and a half the first time and no real side effects yet. In fact not nuch of anything yet - yes I feel slightly queasy, yes I'm burping and belching for England (a disgusting thing to be doing) but more of a worry than anything right now is the snow that's falling at a rapid rate outside. We're looking at 18 inches by the end of the day.
Why is snow a worry? Well I love TiVo - it's a great system that manages to record every show I love and introduce me to some I didn't know I loved. There are other systems but none are as easy to use or as intuitive. Of course TiVo is only available on Satellite - so whilst the rest of the building gets their TV from underground cable I'm reliant on the satellite dish on the roof - and that dish can get buried in snow. Leaving me with no TV - on a Sunday. The day of America's Funniest Home Videos, Desperate Housewives, The L Word and best of all the finale of the Gray's Anatomy bomb in a man's chest cliffhanger.
So keep your fingers, toes, arms and legs crossed as we pray for clearer skies here
Why is snow a worry? Well I love TiVo - it's a great system that manages to record every show I love and introduce me to some I didn't know I loved. There are other systems but none are as easy to use or as intuitive. Of course TiVo is only available on Satellite - so whilst the rest of the building gets their TV from underground cable I'm reliant on the satellite dish on the roof - and that dish can get buried in snow. Leaving me with no TV - on a Sunday. The day of America's Funniest Home Videos, Desperate Housewives, The L Word and best of all the finale of the Gray's Anatomy bomb in a man's chest cliffhanger.
So keep your fingers, toes, arms and legs crossed as we pray for clearer skies here
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)