Hoping that the face is looking less swollen now that the steroids are being flushed out of my system.
Excuse the 'if Christine Keeler had been a lesbian' pose - I was trying a 'Tara Banks' 'Look Fierce (tm)'' move
Friday, June 02, 2006
News of the day
As I said the new camera is in and it has one hell of a zoom on it (optical zoom *12)
This means that nobody is 100% safe from my prying lens now and that I can - at last - have sweet revenge on the world for making sick, bald and stupid enough to book a vacation only 2 months after chemo
This means that nobody is 100% safe from my prying lens now and that I can - at last - have sweet revenge on the world for making sick, bald and stupid enough to book a vacation only 2 months after chemo
An upturn in the day?
Well my camera arrived - voyeuristic pics to follow.
And I talked to the hospital. They can do nothing until Dr Sherr is back and he's not back until Monday.
I have a final 'test' on Monday at 3pm - but no treatment.
"Not right" I wailed, I want this thing over by the end of June.
"Ah" said nice woman at the end of the phone "Leave it with me, there's nothing I can do without the Dr's approval, but let me see what I can sort out with him on Monday. It might be that we can squeeze in a treatment - though it would be a first. Or it might be that we can squeeze the number of sessions. Though that's not for me to say. Call me Monday at 9.30."
So it's another weekend of bitten nails and murmering from me. Jude might just kill me.
And I talked to the hospital. They can do nothing until Dr Sherr is back and he's not back until Monday.
I have a final 'test' on Monday at 3pm - but no treatment.
"Not right" I wailed, I want this thing over by the end of June.
"Ah" said nice woman at the end of the phone "Leave it with me, there's nothing I can do without the Dr's approval, but let me see what I can sort out with him on Monday. It might be that we can squeeze in a treatment - though it would be a first. Or it might be that we can squeeze the number of sessions. Though that's not for me to say. Call me Monday at 9.30."
So it's another weekend of bitten nails and murmering from me. Jude might just kill me.
Looks like a 'no go'
When I was at the hospital the doctor talked about a 20 day radiation treatment starting Monday June 5th
I was elated, this meant that I could go on vacation at the end of treatment as planned.
The hospital was supposed to call me yesterday with a schedule of treatment, times of day and the like.
They didn't.
I called them today and I'm not on the schedule.
And with my doctor away it doesn't look as though I'm going to be on the schedule. Losing even a day means running into the July 4th holiday and not ending treatment until July 6th. Buggering my vacation plans entirely.
To say that I'm upset would be the most massive understatement. I'm distraught.
Have an e-mail in to the doctor (he's been out for 2 days), a call into the head of radiation oncology and a heart that's leaden.
Everything crossed here, but it's looking futile.
I was elated, this meant that I could go on vacation at the end of treatment as planned.
The hospital was supposed to call me yesterday with a schedule of treatment, times of day and the like.
They didn't.
I called them today and I'm not on the schedule.
And with my doctor away it doesn't look as though I'm going to be on the schedule. Losing even a day means running into the July 4th holiday and not ending treatment until July 6th. Buggering my vacation plans entirely.
To say that I'm upset would be the most massive understatement. I'm distraught.
Have an e-mail in to the doctor (he's been out for 2 days), a call into the head of radiation oncology and a heart that's leaden.
Everything crossed here, but it's looking futile.
"Feed Me"
Woke up this morning to the not too distant hum of a blog in need of feeding. Thing is I have no real news. Hospital didn't get back to me yesterday and responded to my call with a curt "Call us tomorrow"... my camera has yet to arrive (though th eaccessories have)... work is pretty much just work and Jude and I have done little out of the ordinary all week
Here's hoping that today brings news of dates (I HAVE to start on Monday); an Amazon.com package and a fabulous party to attend.
More news when I get it on treatment
Here's hoping that today brings news of dates (I HAVE to start on Monday); an Amazon.com package and a fabulous party to attend.
More news when I get it on treatment
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
It shouldn't be allowed
Lying in hospital?
(Adopt Kenneth William's Carry On Doctor series nasal whine here)
"OUTRAGEOUS!"
I have no idea what this sign is about but it stands next to the front door of the radiation dept.
(Adopt Kenneth William's Carry On Doctor series nasal whine here)
"OUTRAGEOUS!"
I have no idea what this sign is about but it stands next to the front door of the radiation dept.
Ray of Hope
After much wrangling, pleading and general bloody mindedness I managed to get the hopsital to agree to up each does of radiation, thus reducing the number of sessions from 23 to 20.
This represents a session every weekday in June starting Monday June 5th.
All I need now is confirmation of a place for me starting Monday June 5th.
That should (fingers crossed) come in the next 48 hrs.
Session today was cool. The made a mold of my upper body, marked me, tattoo'd me (no Jewish burial for me) and sent me, mold and markings for a CT scan.
Lovely people, cool machinery, glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and no Enya
This represents a session every weekday in June starting Monday June 5th.
All I need now is confirmation of a place for me starting Monday June 5th.
That should (fingers crossed) come in the next 48 hrs.
Session today was cool. The made a mold of my upper body, marked me, tattoo'd me (no Jewish burial for me) and sent me, mold and markings for a CT scan.
Lovely people, cool machinery, glow in the dark stars on the ceiling and no Enya
Black Armour?
Had a really bad night last night.
A strange combination of an incredibly hot and sticky bedroom (must buy second aircon), a newly squeaky bed (must tighten screws) and worry about missing a vacation that I should, perhaps, not have booked conspired to keep me awake
If it comes down to it I'll miss the vacation, foreit the money and suck up the treatment.
But that's not the point, I booked this thing not as a vacation but as a symbol; something in the future to which I could look forward. A date on the calendar that didn't have attached to it a list of possible side effects. And now it looks as though the whole thing might just disappear; that I'll spend the July 4th weekend not on a beach somewhere but at home, waiting for more treatment as the people who administer that treatment disappear on vacations of their own.
It feels not as though I'm going to miss a vacation but a desecration of a symbol of hope.
This is, I know, a very petulant argument; booking the vacation was always a gamble, after all I was supposed to be dead by now. I'm also sure that it's not something over which to lose sleep - but I am.
Off to be fitted for a foam 'suit' this morning, the being CT scanned in that 'suit' (it's really a template into which I'll be placed for every treatment) before being tattoo'd with the markings they need to focus the radiation.
Tattoo'd?!? - there goes my chance of being buried in a Jewish cemetery
Enough of this, need to walk the dog, take a shower and head for the hospital - where I shall fight viciously to get my way on dates.
More later
A strange combination of an incredibly hot and sticky bedroom (must buy second aircon), a newly squeaky bed (must tighten screws) and worry about missing a vacation that I should, perhaps, not have booked conspired to keep me awake
If it comes down to it I'll miss the vacation, foreit the money and suck up the treatment.
But that's not the point, I booked this thing not as a vacation but as a symbol; something in the future to which I could look forward. A date on the calendar that didn't have attached to it a list of possible side effects. And now it looks as though the whole thing might just disappear; that I'll spend the July 4th weekend not on a beach somewhere but at home, waiting for more treatment as the people who administer that treatment disappear on vacations of their own.
It feels not as though I'm going to miss a vacation but a desecration of a symbol of hope.
This is, I know, a very petulant argument; booking the vacation was always a gamble, after all I was supposed to be dead by now. I'm also sure that it's not something over which to lose sleep - but I am.
Off to be fitted for a foam 'suit' this morning, the being CT scanned in that 'suit' (it's really a template into which I'll be placed for every treatment) before being tattoo'd with the markings they need to focus the radiation.
Tattoo'd?!? - there goes my chance of being buried in a Jewish cemetery
Enough of this, need to walk the dog, take a shower and head for the hospital - where I shall fight viciously to get my way on dates.
More later
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Radiation
Saw the radiation oncologist today - he was chatty and charming and thinks that I should have 23 sessions of radiation as 'just in case' insurance.
That would be fine but it would also take me to July 8th - 6 days after my vacation was due to start.
Three options then
1) We start after my vacation
This shouldn't be a problem, but will need clearing my the chemo' oncologist as some cancers respond best to radiation if radiation starts between 4 and 8 weeks after chemo. Lymphoma isn't on the list of those cancers, but we'd still need to check.
2) We squeeze the radiation
Into 21 doses, starting this Friday. Again possible but would need everything to run like clockwork - and very little does these days
3) I miss my vacation
I miss the vacation - losing the money that we've paid as a 'stupidity tax' for booking so close to the end of chemo.
I have to go in tomorrow - they need to make a foam mold of my body, to CT scan me in the mold and to markme up (tattoo me) for radiation.
They should also have a schedule for me tomorrow.
Fingers crossed
Steve
That would be fine but it would also take me to July 8th - 6 days after my vacation was due to start.
Three options then
1) We start after my vacation
This shouldn't be a problem, but will need clearing my the chemo' oncologist as some cancers respond best to radiation if radiation starts between 4 and 8 weeks after chemo. Lymphoma isn't on the list of those cancers, but we'd still need to check.
2) We squeeze the radiation
Into 21 doses, starting this Friday. Again possible but would need everything to run like clockwork - and very little does these days
3) I miss my vacation
I miss the vacation - losing the money that we've paid as a 'stupidity tax' for booking so close to the end of chemo.
I have to go in tomorrow - they need to make a foam mold of my body, to CT scan me in the mold and to markme up (tattoo me) for radiation.
They should also have a schedule for me tomorrow.
Fingers crossed
Steve
Monday, May 29, 2006
Out on a walk
Went for a walk today and came across this 'ghetto madonna'
Not sure why I like this pic as much as I do, but I do like it
Not sure why I like this pic as much as I do, but I do like it
Memorial Day
Well Memorial Day is here and with it 30C weather. It feels a lot hotter actually – thank god for air conditioning.
Actually the fact that I’m worried that this year our air-con is placed illegally over the fire escape (we still have a clear exit, there’s nobody above us and no roof access to the building so it shouldn’t be a danger) is a sign of both how far I’ve come (I used to worry about how much blood I was spraying into the bread basket at brunch) and how little I’ve moved (an absolute obsession with a single subject)
Yesterday was fun, spent at a BBQ discussion just how Memorial Day is different to Veteran’s Day, why / whether the last remaining piece of the World Trade Centre (a staircase) should / shouldn’t be preserved and of course listening to how 12mpg around town in your SUV isn’t THAT bad. Interesting people, great weather and good food.
Of course commitment to the BBQ meant that I didn’t get to drive down to Fire Island and meet up with some friends there. A shame, I really want to see Fire Island and don’t get to spend nearly enough time with Alex, K-Jizer et al. Still post chemo I’m too pale for the beach and post steroids too fat.
No real plans for today. Just started a book (Prep) that seems a little heavier than I’d been expecting so that might take up more time than planned and we have to see X-Men III, if only because everyone else in the world has. It was the second biggest first day of all time (behind the final Star Wars Movie). Jude and I saw that movie almost by ourselves in a tiny cinema in the Bahamas. Just about a year ago I’d guess.
Radiation oncologist tomorrow.
Actually the fact that I’m worried that this year our air-con is placed illegally over the fire escape (we still have a clear exit, there’s nobody above us and no roof access to the building so it shouldn’t be a danger) is a sign of both how far I’ve come (I used to worry about how much blood I was spraying into the bread basket at brunch) and how little I’ve moved (an absolute obsession with a single subject)
Yesterday was fun, spent at a BBQ discussion just how Memorial Day is different to Veteran’s Day, why / whether the last remaining piece of the World Trade Centre (a staircase) should / shouldn’t be preserved and of course listening to how 12mpg around town in your SUV isn’t THAT bad. Interesting people, great weather and good food.
Of course commitment to the BBQ meant that I didn’t get to drive down to Fire Island and meet up with some friends there. A shame, I really want to see Fire Island and don’t get to spend nearly enough time with Alex, K-Jizer et al. Still post chemo I’m too pale for the beach and post steroids too fat.
No real plans for today. Just started a book (Prep) that seems a little heavier than I’d been expecting so that might take up more time than planned and we have to see X-Men III, if only because everyone else in the world has. It was the second biggest first day of all time (behind the final Star Wars Movie). Jude and I saw that movie almost by ourselves in a tiny cinema in the Bahamas. Just about a year ago I’d guess.
Radiation oncologist tomorrow.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
An experiment
I get more hits looking for "Paris Hilton Sex Tapes" than I do anything else here. Most of them seem to be from either Saudi, the American South or college campuses anywhere. Of course being a hits whore I quite enjoy the traffic, so please forgive the little honeytrap below... I needed to do something to keep idle hands occupied while waiting to see the radiation oncologist on Tuesday.
It was only when I saw Paris Hilton's soaking wet pussy being licked by Jessica Simpson's wet beaver that I realized, American celebrities really don't know how to look after their pets. You'd think that after Brad Pitt had been caught spanking his monkey in public (the poor animal) that people like Lindsey Lohan would know better than to leave her bearded clam out in a cereal packet - which was soon turned by the torrentioal rain into nothing but a wet box. Anyway, disgusted I thought that I'd write to the President, before realizing that the President might not read my letter - so I wrote to his no. 2. Cheney. I love Dick. And I know that Paris Hilton loves Dick too. If I could only get hold of dick I might be able to get into Paris's head. Obviously I wouldn't ram Dick down her throat, I'd tried that with Laura Bush and it hadn't worked. If Paris Hilton didn't respond to bush when being spanked over allowing her pussy to get so wet then maybe Paris Hilton would respond to Dick. Who knows?
Let's see how many hits that gets and where they come from - will let you all know;
It was only when I saw Paris Hilton's soaking wet pussy being licked by Jessica Simpson's wet beaver that I realized, American celebrities really don't know how to look after their pets. You'd think that after Brad Pitt had been caught spanking his monkey in public (the poor animal) that people like Lindsey Lohan would know better than to leave her bearded clam out in a cereal packet - which was soon turned by the torrentioal rain into nothing but a wet box. Anyway, disgusted I thought that I'd write to the President, before realizing that the President might not read my letter - so I wrote to his no. 2. Cheney. I love Dick. And I know that Paris Hilton loves Dick too. If I could only get hold of dick I might be able to get into Paris's head. Obviously I wouldn't ram Dick down her throat, I'd tried that with Laura Bush and it hadn't worked. If Paris Hilton didn't respond to bush when being spanked over allowing her pussy to get so wet then maybe Paris Hilton would respond to Dick. Who knows?
Let's see how many hits that gets and where they come from - will let you all know;
Friday, May 26, 2006
My 'All Clear' gift
Jude decided to buy me a post treatment 'all clear' gift. And I have to say that it's rather fabulous. With a 12*optical zoom it'll be just perfect for 'arresting' pics of the hairs up our neighbor's hooter.I do like this being well again malarky - GIFTS!
Still knackered
I may not have cancer anymore but I'm still knackered - from the treatment, from being 35, from walking, from expectation, from the waiting, the wondering and the google searching.
But mainly from walking the dog for miles every day in this heat.
So not doing very much of anything today - which is just fine by me
But mainly from walking the dog for miles every day in this heat.
So not doing very much of anything today - which is just fine by me
Thursday, May 25, 2006
I'm Boring
"You're Boring" said Doctor McSpecialist
"Your scans are clear"
And with that I am no longer "Cancer Boy"
No more tumors, no more lung rot, no more bouts of bloody coughing, no more chemo.
Done.
Clear.
I still have to see the radiation oncologist on Tuesday - as radiation therapy is usually recommended for people who where stage III / bulky mass or worse; but it's radiation as insurance not last ditch at cure.
Rather an anti-climax; but a warm, fuzzy and somewhat squishy anti-climax.
Let y'all know what comes next as soon as I do
"Your scans are clear"
And with that I am no longer "Cancer Boy"
No more tumors, no more lung rot, no more bouts of bloody coughing, no more chemo.
Done.
Clear.
I still have to see the radiation oncologist on Tuesday - as radiation therapy is usually recommended for people who where stage III / bulky mass or worse; but it's radiation as insurance not last ditch at cure.
Rather an anti-climax; but a warm, fuzzy and somewhat squishy anti-climax.
Let y'all know what comes next as soon as I do
Results day?
Today is supposed to be the day that I get the results of my PET and CT scans.
Somehow I very much doubt that this will prove to be the case.
Yesterday's CT scan took a mind (and arse) numbing 5 hrs to get through as a combination of broken machinery, short staffedness (it's Memorial Day weekend) and 'mediacal emergencies' clogged up the corridor in which I was asked to take near permanent resisdence. Had I spent much longer there I'd have needed to a visa, I swear.
Why they have a plush waiting room and yet insist that all CT patients wait for their scans in a draughty corridor I have no idea.
Still the cast of characters kept me amused.
Old Mr Grace - must have been about 97 - in years and lbs. He was ambulatory only with the help of a walker that looked like a half dalek and a nurse that looked like a half amazon. His trips to the bathroom were frequent and lengthy; his walk to the CT machine held me up by another 20 minutes and he never spoke. Not even to say "You've all done terribly well"
The Drinker - was a dark haired, jewish woman in her 50s. She didn't stop talking. Primarily because she'd turned up late for her appointment and was told that she was now at the back of a LONG line, but also because she's overheard one of the nurse's say "oh god, The Drinker's back". This precipitated much pacing, muh repeating of both the late and drinker story and my favorite "I'm an x-ray patient, not a mental patient"
The Coffin Dodger - came in with her mustachio'd son. He looked, dressed and sounded exactly like the Simpson's earnest neighbor and seemed OUTRAGED that HIS mother had to wait. Especially as she'd left her oxygen in the car. A master of the audible sigh and meaningful look at the watch he became rather stiff in the shoulders having told me 'It's 4.15 pm, my mom has a 4.00pm appointment" and being told "Well mine's a 2.15 appointment and there are two people in line in front of me"
The drugged up mullet - came in as an 'emergency'. Walked as though in a stupor, spoke through thick lips with a thick accent, had a husband wearing a wife beater who sported 'I beat my wife' tattoos. Quite frankly everyone was astonished that they'd managed to park their trailer anywhere near the hospital - and that Jerry Springer didn't show up. 'Drugged Up Mullet' claimed it was only the 'Xanax' that was making her slow, dizzy and dozy (she couldn't open doors) - we believed it may have been genetic.
The Razor Hipped Ho - another emergency. Except she arrived in agony and left when there was a wait. Olive skinned, collogen lipped and wearing what my have been illegally tight jeans she sashay'd up and down the corridor wailing 'they said to come here' but left when her mom / pimp / mompimp turned up and demanded to know "Why you aren't at work, girl"
And finally The Must Obey Orders Frauline - a german woman in her early 70s who patroled the benches demanding that cell phones be turned off, that barium liquids were drunk at the stated intervals and that the hospital pay reparations for her delay.
It was a LONG wait, but I have to say that I (The Vampire?) rather enjoyed it
Somehow I very much doubt that this will prove to be the case.
Yesterday's CT scan took a mind (and arse) numbing 5 hrs to get through as a combination of broken machinery, short staffedness (it's Memorial Day weekend) and 'mediacal emergencies' clogged up the corridor in which I was asked to take near permanent resisdence. Had I spent much longer there I'd have needed to a visa, I swear.
Why they have a plush waiting room and yet insist that all CT patients wait for their scans in a draughty corridor I have no idea.
Still the cast of characters kept me amused.
Old Mr Grace - must have been about 97 - in years and lbs. He was ambulatory only with the help of a walker that looked like a half dalek and a nurse that looked like a half amazon. His trips to the bathroom were frequent and lengthy; his walk to the CT machine held me up by another 20 minutes and he never spoke. Not even to say "You've all done terribly well"
The Drinker - was a dark haired, jewish woman in her 50s. She didn't stop talking. Primarily because she'd turned up late for her appointment and was told that she was now at the back of a LONG line, but also because she's overheard one of the nurse's say "oh god, The Drinker's back". This precipitated much pacing, muh repeating of both the late and drinker story and my favorite "I'm an x-ray patient, not a mental patient"
The Coffin Dodger - came in with her mustachio'd son. He looked, dressed and sounded exactly like the Simpson's earnest neighbor and seemed OUTRAGED that HIS mother had to wait. Especially as she'd left her oxygen in the car. A master of the audible sigh and meaningful look at the watch he became rather stiff in the shoulders having told me 'It's 4.15 pm, my mom has a 4.00pm appointment" and being told "Well mine's a 2.15 appointment and there are two people in line in front of me"
The drugged up mullet - came in as an 'emergency'. Walked as though in a stupor, spoke through thick lips with a thick accent, had a husband wearing a wife beater who sported 'I beat my wife' tattoos. Quite frankly everyone was astonished that they'd managed to park their trailer anywhere near the hospital - and that Jerry Springer didn't show up. 'Drugged Up Mullet' claimed it was only the 'Xanax' that was making her slow, dizzy and dozy (she couldn't open doors) - we believed it may have been genetic.
The Razor Hipped Ho - another emergency. Except she arrived in agony and left when there was a wait. Olive skinned, collogen lipped and wearing what my have been illegally tight jeans she sashay'd up and down the corridor wailing 'they said to come here' but left when her mom / pimp / mompimp turned up and demanded to know "Why you aren't at work, girl"
And finally The Must Obey Orders Frauline - a german woman in her early 70s who patroled the benches demanding that cell phones be turned off, that barium liquids were drunk at the stated intervals and that the hospital pay reparations for her delay.
It was a LONG wait, but I have to say that I (The Vampire?) rather enjoyed it
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Shaved dog
Yup, Velcro got the summer shave and now looks like a retarded poodle.
Still I managed three laps of the park - during a local school's walk-a-thom with nary a cry of "Shaggy dog, it's the shaggy dog."
Blessed. blessed relief
Still I managed three laps of the park - during a local school's walk-a-thom with nary a cry of "Shaggy dog, it's the shaggy dog."
Blessed. blessed relief
PET Down, CAT today
PET scan went exactly to time yesterday.
All very efficient and everyone remembered me, perhaps I should be collectioning 'frequent scan points' - I must have enough for a toaster by now.
Da Vinci Code (Post PET 'treat') was like the movie version of 'Allo Allo' - lots of dodgy French accents and a search for a hidden treasure ('Leesen very carefully Pro-fizer, I zall say zees only wornce - where iz ze fallen Madonna wiv ze beeg boobies?')
CAT scan today - lots and lots of barium to drink. Lots of Iodine to be injected. Lots of post scan water to be drunk.
And then on to Billy Connelly ('Oh, j'ou bloody think so?) as post scan treat of the week.
Thursday results, then memorial weekend (and a BBQ) before Radiation oncologist Tuesday
All very efficient and everyone remembered me, perhaps I should be collectioning 'frequent scan points' - I must have enough for a toaster by now.
Da Vinci Code (Post PET 'treat') was like the movie version of 'Allo Allo' - lots of dodgy French accents and a search for a hidden treasure ('Leesen very carefully Pro-fizer, I zall say zees only wornce - where iz ze fallen Madonna wiv ze beeg boobies?')
CAT scan today - lots and lots of barium to drink. Lots of Iodine to be injected. Lots of post scan water to be drunk.
And then on to Billy Connelly ('Oh, j'ou bloody think so?) as post scan treat of the week.
Thursday results, then memorial weekend (and a BBQ) before Radiation oncologist Tuesday
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
An Alanis style 'irony'
Having managed to survive, without complication, all of the cancer drugs, poisons and 'experiments' thrown at me over the last 5 month I find myself having a rare (but not serious) reeaction to my over the counter allergy medication.
I'll keep taking it until after the scans - because it does work and my chest is clear; but the inability to pee is an unexpected and unwelcome side effect that will see me ditching it in favor of streaming eyes and hearty coughing by the end of the week
I'll keep taking it until after the scans - because it does work and my chest is clear; but the inability to pee is an unexpected and unwelcome side effect that will see me ditching it in favor of streaming eyes and hearty coughing by the end of the week
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