Once I had a secret love

I am in love with Private Structure underwear. And it's not for the Mango Bulge 'feature', the 'countries of the world' motif or even the 'fashionable short leg piece design for that masculine image' - nope I love it because it fits well, it feels good and I'm not going to have to remove it on the plane tomorrow.

There's nothing worse than underwear that can't stand up to 24 hrs on a plane. The kind of underwear that's so desperate to escape it makes a break for the nearest crevice and refuses to give up until it's either joined your internal organs or been ripped from your body as you try to keep your balance in an airplane bathroom that smells of vomit and is suspiciously sticky to the touch.

So I'm a Private Structure guy. And proud of it.

Here's to knickers you can fly in

Haji Lane

Haji Lane
Originally uploaded by nuke_ad

Haji Lane in Singapore feels like Williamsburg, Brooklyn

If Williamsburg has had old shop houses to work with.

Miraculous what can happen in a short period of time.

Proper blog entry tomorrow... I promise

Dinner on the roof

geishas
Originally uploaded by thomask

So last night we had dinner on the roof of a newly cool bar - soaking in the skyline and the chilled Miami like atmosphere.

I like it here. Perhaps a little less than I remember liking it here. It's not quite as shiny. Not quite as easy. Not quite as glam. But the cool spots are cool and people are paying attention to design.

No "strip mall chic-free zones", no nasty lighting. Just sumptuous, gorgeous, beautiful spaces that act as shrines to care.

And that I like

Gym-nasty

P1090749.JPG
Originally uploaded by stevenjude

Why are there so many grunters in the gym?

I know that it's a place that attracts the vain and that many there crave nothing more than the spotlight, but really? Do you really want to be noticed for your 'Monica Seles being beaten by the secret police' impression.

And besides we're not thinking - 'no wonder he's such a fine specimen, what with all that hard work' - we're thinking 'God I hope he doesn't sound like that in bed' and concluding, with a sad shake of the head that you probably do.

Mind my fat mania is out of control. I noticed bruises on my sides today and couldn't work out what they were. Until I instinctive reached down to check on the 'love handles' and realized that the bruises exactly match the position of my fingers.

Obsessed? You betcha.

Ten years and cooler

Screening Room at Ann Siang Hill
Originally uploaded by Steel Wool

It's been 10 years since I first moved to Singapore.
10 years this week to be precise.

And man has it got cooler.

Spunk Alley (the only place for a same sex bunk up) is now less sticky underfoot as gay bars have opened

Flights to Thailand are less full as weekend parties take place on the beach

Young people no longer flaunt pocket protectors - instead looking like slightly chunkier versions of the Japanese

And the whole place just feels a little less uptight... hurrah for Singapore

Blagging a blogging

I'm in Tokyo... at the rather swank NW lounge
Blagged my way in so that I could let friends know that I'm delayed by an hour here
Hope they get the message as my phones baint working
Anyway short and sweet.... just like the staff here

Ice Cream and Ham, Patzcuaro

Ice Cream and Ham, Patzcuaro
Originally uploaded by zocalo2010

It's 2am

I'm in the lobby of a brown conference only hotel

I've had 4 glasses of wine
2 pomegranite martinis
2 ibuprofen (vitamin I)
and a couple of Talisker

An obese Mexican is spiing Choons from his I-Pod
A fattish girl with great tits is 'flashing the merchandise'
A very gay man is kinda hitting on me
Two people from GE finance are hitting on a woman from GE finance

And at one lonely table a couple is earnestly ignorning the 'bitch on the pole' lyrics of that are coming from old school mexican i-pod

I may be fatter but I'm happier
And I got to conduct an orchestra today

Man am I ready for life (again)
Bring it on...

Chickenzilla vs Elmo

Chickenzilla vs Elmo!
Originally uploaded by Mr Jaded

I've been a naughty Elmo. This course has broiught the worst out of me - and the martinis have been Robin to the Batman of my own self-destructive impulses.

Last night I found myself on a bus making up nicknames for all of the people around me. Some were willing participants; others merely got to overhear my inventive venom.

This morning the awfulness I feel has nothing to do with lack of sleep. And nothing to do with alcohol. It's a fear that I may have hurt nice people in a bid to amuse the less nice here.

When did I revert to highschool, huh?

Oh shit

Fat Arnold
Originally uploaded by socpunk

two days of conference food - and three to go

I can feel myself getting softer by the minute --- despite upping the gym and joining the group of people who run around the grounds in the evening.

This conference really is the last thing I needed before a week's vacation... no more alcohol, no more starters and, alas, no more mirrors, for me

A simple statement

Wedding Ring Heart
Originally uploaded by Troy B Thompson

This blog opened (years ago) with a statement of unconditional love for my wife.

I just wanted to say that it still holds

All over the place

[40/365] feeling grey
Originally uploaded by envious photography [sea]

The course that I'm on is one of those 'be emotionally free' things.

And it's doing me no good at all.

I reacted yesterday to the news that somebody had beaten us to an apartment on our floor by half a day with an hour of sobbing, a horrible over reaction and all of the melodrama of a Greek heroine on bad medication.

Today I'm calm. I slept 4 hrs. I'm on a computer at 6am. I've already done an hour in the gym. I've read my case studies, folded my clothes, arranged my travel and (no doubt) worried and upset a wife who already has more than enough on her plate... but I'm calm.

So to those I owe an apology, I'm sorry. To the rest - drama queenery very nearly over

Oh dear

Caution Speed Bumps
Originally uploaded by Neubie

The hotel that I'm learning to make friends for profit at is 70 miles from any airport - or $220 in taxi terms.

it's also about 3 miles from the nearest road.

And built in a donut shape that makes it hard to navigate but impossible to get lost in.

The staff are weary - knowing that conventioneers always start quiet on Sunday and end, on Friday, bed hopping BFFs who grow drunker and more demanding by the day.

The patrons - all here on courses - expense everything and spend what they've saved on shiny suiuts and helmet hair lacquer.

If I had a soul it would be crumbling

If you only see one movie this year

Make it this one

Slumdog Millionaire

More from the evil empire

profile
Originally uploaded by stevenjude

I'm off on full week course aimed at teaching me how to manipulate friendships for profit. I intend to take the lessons onboard and frankly forget them in terms of work. I did something similar with negotiation - which has proved very useful with realtors and car salesmen but hasn't been used anywhere else.

It's a full week but I'm taking gym stuff and will avoid the bowls of candy that will doubtless litter the place.

Back Friday - leave Saturday. Giving me just enough time to look at #510 in our building. Yup a unit up for rent and less than 50 yards from our front door. If it's available for short term lease I'll take it, move over a weekend and be done with the uncertainty of 'what now?'

Jude's back from Portland and heading towards Montreal. Singapore from there. Hurrah!

No cancer yet

So once again the Doctor repeated his "you're boring" refrain and I have to say that it's one that I quite like.

It seems the coughing, the swollen glands, the exhaustion and all of the other maladies really are just colds, allergies and too much time online when I ought to be in bed. Who'd have thought?

I'm not sure why I entered into this one with such a sense of 'something is wrong' when the others I've viewed as inconvenient and expensive but unlikely to throw anything up. It's odd that I can read the motivation of other people so easily (when I can be bothered to look for it) but that I remain a mystery to myself.

Best theory is that this has been the first time since treatment that we've been making long term plans. Michigan was only ever a two year gig. Before that we were planning for a move here. Now Jude's looking at a move that could be permanent and I'm thinking how nice it would be to be in one place, for a long time. Of course the idea of long term is threatened by the ever present specter of early death - and the very real possibility that I might need specialist treatment in the next few years. So scans represent a threat to a future that I'm wanting to plan. Sound plausible? Good.

Anyway have to dash - the dog is back from daycare and I want to spend some time with her

In reception

Hotel Roger Smith
Originally uploaded by tgtsfkncld

I'm standing in the reception of the Roger Smith hotel after a farcical scan (everything got blocked, leaked, broke down) and a nice dinner with an old friend.

Jude is stuck in Chicago. Stranded by bad weather and about to be 5 hrs late for job interviews tomorrow. She's coping better than I am. She's better at the Doris Day attitude than I am.

Results in the morning - rather worried by the whispered 'good luck' from the radiologist today. But then I'm pretty freaked generally. Time for bed I think.

The things that shape our perception

Nightmares
Originally uploaded by timsamoff

Tomorrow I have my first CT scan in 6 months. And it's doing scary things to me. The cough that I have is no longer allergies, it's cancer. The tiredness that I feel at the end of the day is no longer a long day - it's exhaustion. The glands that I feel swollen are no longer just fighting off a cold - they're the first sign of cancer.

It's weird. I knew that 3 month scans would show up cancer before I had a chance to feel its effects. 6 month scans I'm not so sure about. But it's not that uncertainty that bothers me.

What bothers me is that whatever I'm doing there's this shadow of doubt hanging somewhere. We're planning for the future at the moment... where next? what next? when do we move? And the whole time I'm thinking "... if this test is clear" or "damn wouldn't an It's Back diagnosis ruin these plans"

I guess that once you've learned that life has a habit of tripping you up and kicking you in the rubbery bits you come to expect a storm whenever the seas start to look inviting.

Thank god the scans are tomorrow - this hyper awareness is killing me

First snow

First snow
Originally uploaded by Kirill Tryaskin

We got our first snow yesterday. Light but icy. The kind that looks pretty then turns roads to icy death as it lands and becomes an invisible, smooth diamond of inky blackness.

Was fun to watch, less fun to be in and has made travel today all the more exciting.

Suddenly the thought of Singapore - even a rainy season Singapore - is becoming a whole lot more attractive

If you're looking for a way to show an idea

the this website (actually this page) is genius

The things that we hate the most

Can you tell we're moving?
Originally uploaded by Oinster

Our landlord is coming over today to make a video of the place that he can then use to sell it - meaning that we're going to have to move before we move (in June)

As a result we're doing the 'pre-move' dance and throwing away anything that's been in a box, closet or drawer unused, unread or unloved for more than 6 months.

I'd like to say that it was liberating and that the 'out with the old spirit' was something that filled us with hope but it's actually an exercise in reducing the cost of moving by throwing away things that you might actually want to keep. And it's especially hard to do when the move is small.

Gimme a flight of more than 5 hrs and this kinda thing is okay. Don't and we're in flux again. And flux sucks.