So this week American Idol did "Oh, just sing anything you want to" week. Except that they pimp'd the episode by saying "as long as it's on i-tunes" and forcing everyone to wear apple headphones during a segment where they visited Ryan 'at work." I've not had a taste this bad in my mouth since Manilla.
Anyway here's how it went...
Anoop -- "Caught Up"
Anoop really isn't the best performer. And this was just horrible. He bounced. He repeatedly flicked dandruff from his 80s jacket. He killed the beat. He killed the mood. He ought to be bottom three.
Megan -- "Turn Your Lights Down"
Megan is like a third rate, lobotomized Amy Winehouse. No shame in that, it's making money for Adele and Duffy. Trouble is that strange bird just doesn't realize it and instead grates out ice in blender vocal after ice in a blender vocal. Just nasty.
Danny Gokey -- "What Hurts The Most"
He of 'my wife is still dead' infamy resists the urge to sing 'She's Gone' and instead stomps his way over some Rascal Flatts nonsense in a way that has Paula peeling herself from her stool and the rest of world wistfully thinking 'second glass of wine time?'. Awful, shouty and he has moobs.
Allison Irehata -- "Don't Speak"
The fetal Suzi Quattro plays it safe with the song, loose with the outfit and should just scrape by.
Blind Scott -- "Just The Way You Are"
Blind Scott proves that he's contemporary by playing an old Billy Joel song, at the piano. He seems to have retired the adenoids this week, which is a good thing but really "Just the way you are"?
Matt Giraud -- "You Found Me"
Warty would be Chris Martin dry humps his Casio keyboard while belting out bad but anodyne notes to the horror of all concerned. "We keep seeing a different Matt every week" complained numerically dyslexic Kara. "And they all have warts" shouted back America
Lil Rounds -- "I Surrender"
Lil did everything the judges told her. She picked a big ballad, got all gussied up and belted it out. She looked 90, sounded bored and lost everything that anyone ever liked about her. Grow a pair girl.
Adame Lambert -- "Play That Funky Music"
Big gay tranny Meatloaf took a novelty song and added - More Novelty, throw in wobbly knees and bad skin and you have Paula warbling about Mick Jagger
Kris Allen -- "Ain't No Sunshine"
Stripped down, side mouthed singing from the man with the safety spot on Idol (last performer)....