There haven't been too many posts on here recently. I apologize for that. Kinda. You see the thing is that I started this blog in an attempt to keep people up to date with my health and treatment through the cancer thing. It was a selfish move, I was kinda sick of repeating 'no news' to everyone who called and e-mailed, so the blog was a noticeboard.
Over time though it changed. First it became a place to explore how I was feeling first about treatment and then about life. It forced me to put down the facts of what was happening and in doing so lay myself open to the feelings that those facts brought up. I had a couple of rules. Be honest. If you have to self censor don't post. And write for yourself rather than for an imagined audience (other than Dakota Fanning's agent)
Which brings me to the reason that I haven't posted recently. You see I posted a blog that someone didn't like. It wasn't offensive. It didn't libel anyone. It didn't use images of them that weren't already posted. It just told the truth, as I saw it (you can only do that) about a relationship. And then when challenged about it, I took it down. Completely violating every rule I had about this blog and rendering it invalid as a history of my thoughts at the time. I made the stupid mistake of appeasing someone rather than staying true to the reason for doing this. And in doing so I robbed it of integrity, just tearing its heart out.
All of which sounds quite lofty. It is after all not a blog of much consequence. It's rarely deep. It's often empty headed. Too often it's just fluff in the ether. But that just means that I should fight harder to keep the personal stuff in there. And I will. Or I'll give this up. But no more deleting the posts that people don't like. Especially when they're the ones that are most true.