So I missed Idol for a week and it seems that they booted the Castrated Hutchence wannabe Michael Johns. Shame - the benchmark seems to have been - "Well I have to last longer than Kristie Cook" and of course he didn't.
This week's guest coach was Mariah Carey - who came across as a slutty Oompah-Lumpah, only a tad more orange. She loved everyone, they loved her, the show was duller David Cook's eyes (and they're DEAD)
What did people do, I hear you shrug half heartedly.
Well Cut Priced Whitney (I like to think that she'll be a Crystal Meth Gal married to a backing singer) Syesha coasted through that well known shoulda been a B side "Vanishing" and promptly vanished from memory.
The Bruiser kept the bat wing wobble in check as she attacked "Without You" and I mean attacked. The song later reported the assault to the police and is recovering from the severe bruising she gave it. All credit to the girl though - she did attempt a full 'power squat' at one point.
David Cook did his angsty thing on "Without you" and just failed to recognize that it could be the most awesome stalker song of all time done right. He was getting there but as ever the bigger picture evaded him as he tried for a vibe that's Radio Friendly.
The Mormon's magic pants were working as he did something soppy to immediately forgettable effect
Jason Castro on the other hand is turning into a poor man's Sanjaya. "I don't wanna cry" was sung with such tender virginity that you could hear hymen in the audience tearing. Either that or he missed a couple of notes horribly.
Two left - Kristy Lee Cook did an adenoidal version of "Forever" (which FINALLY sent her home) and Brooke White piled in the vanilla with her anodyne version of "Hero"
It's all toe curlingly wondreful