So Gwen Stefani night on Idol. La Belle Gwen of course has a back catalogue shallower than pre-retreat Richard Gere and so the show was split into 'Songs by Gwen' and "Songs by people that Gwen quite likes" So likes The Police it seems.
Chris Sligh wrapped his lard lubed larynx around "Every little thing she does is magic" - racing through it at a pace that I imagine his (surprisingly lovely) wife insists he apply to any sexual liason between then. Like those liasons this was fast and messy. The lardy one is now there on his increasingly stretched sense or humor alone.
Gina Glockson dragged herself away from the mall for long enough to soldier through "I'll stand by you" like a suburban Bette Midler post lobotomy. She's 90% hips that woman and her boyfriend needs the red dye slapping outta his hair.
Sanjaya now knows that he's immune from ejection - and has decided to go with the Worst Idol Ever thing. This is a shame because he could be pretty good on the show if he wasn't courting Howard Stern, VotefortheWorst and every late, late night comedian. He has the show saboteurs, the ironic watchers, the pre-teeners and every gay man's vote, he's safe - but he should reallytake some time out during the week to learn the words of whatever song he's going to sleepwalk through.
Scarnato hid the legs and the personality on an insipid True Colors that had me looking for a bucket of cold water into which to plunge my head until it was over. I even started to daydream about hunting down Cyndi Lauper with a "WHat have you wrought?" question that I'd wield like an axe.
Every Breath you take proved, to me anyway, that Phil Stacey is probably great in the shower. He carries a tune well over minimum accompaniament, but when the band chimes in he sees it as competition rather than accompaniament. This was an 'in the shower' performance.
Mindy Doo sang something or other in the style of Gladys Knight - sang it well but still managed to hide her neck under a bushell.
Blake Lewis dropped the Police Academy theatrics and sang something relatively straight. Simon thought that he was the best of the boys, which is a little like being the most likely to succeed in a Southern Trailer Park.
Jordan Sparks channelled Hit Me Baby One More Time Britney (the short schoolgirl skirt) and that singing hippo from YouTube (everythig else) as she huffed, puffed and harumphed herself through "Hey Baby" in the way that a crowd more easily pleased than a frotter in Tokyo rush-hour lapped up
The last one is just too easy. Everything through the nose specialist Chris Richardson murdered "Don't Speak"... the correct riposte? "I'd rather you didn't sing"
Another fun night in
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