Here we are again

It's been MONTHS since I last posted.

In that time I've come off the meds
Gained 20lbs
Taken a new job

And added a baby to the mix.



Weird that I put it in that order, but having the baby around (Tijke) feels so natural, normal and cool that you often forget that he wasn't here 6 months ago.

And he is cool. Quiet and happy and content. Quick to smile and slow to complain. With a Spaghetti Oh mouth when he sees something that fascinates him and a Sid James laugh when he sees something that amuses.

He loves GaGa and Glee and Cher - any kind of gay diva thing that has sparkles and musical numbers. And our world together is a musical number. I sing. He sings. We smile.

It's been all change - and all change for the better.

Which is why I mentioned the weight gain. Could it be that just as happiness hits a tumor grows? An insane thought (not that it's impossible but allowing a "what if?" to mar a current 'Glad that').. Sept 6th is scans...

Ah cancer, why can't I quit you

We all have our crosses to bear

and mine is understanding the myriad of French language paperwork that comes through my door each day from various revenue services... today's was a fine for missing a deadline on a what seems like a mystery clause in a weird paragraph hidden behind a curtain somewhere in Ottawa. Have sent the details through to the accountant and am hoping that she can help sort it out but it does make you wonder what fresh horrors await behind each and every envelope and I'm genuinely scared to go down and to get the mail most days.

Anyway all of this is making for it being hard to sleep (I just picked up the mail as I walked the dog at 11.30pm) so instead I'm going to do some work. But I am not a happy bunny, at all

Forgive me remaining reader

for I have not posted. In my defense my arm hurts. And it's snowing, a lot. And I have lots of things due for work. And Jude needs lots of hospital rides, and did I mention that my arm hurts, a lot.

It's been a pretty long week actually - having to walk your arm up the wall incy wincy spider style just to get into a wide necked t-shirt is hideously depressing. Being banged into by every old lady on the street is equally annoying but at least there you can mutter 'grave dodger' and move on to more pressing matters (coffee - the only reason that I leave the house these days)

What else, what else? Have a shoot late tonight then two more 10pm shoots later in the week. Last of the year... and last before the show. Hope they go well as I'm light on stuff I think. We'll see when time comes to curate some images.

Anyway some of the images that I caught up with while waiting for transportation devices or in transit are below...

i am broken

On Sunday I slipped and fell.

By Tuesday it looked like this.

Hospital says that it's a bad dislocation with torn tendons. It hurts.

Chances are it will heal, or it won't. If if it doesn't then in two weeks they'll be putting pins into me.

Of course it's hard to sleep. And hard to move - so when Jude has a cramp in the middle of the night and is screaming for help I tend to be wake but unable to move to help - I think Dante had a chapter or two on this.

Still I'm moving around, unaffected by the British snow and getting people to carry bags for me - so it's not all bad

My granddad died today

And while it wasn't unexpected death always comes as a surprise. I've been away from the UK for more than a decade now and one of the thing that you sacrifice when you commit to following a different path is that you lose touch with the people you shouldn't.

My memories of my granddad are pretty vivid though.

A chalkboard on a small wooden easel. World of Sport with Dickie Davies. 4pm wrestling on a Saturday with Big Daddy, Giant Haystacks and 'crybaby' Jim Breaks. A night when I was allowed to stay up and watch "Carry On Abroad", Round Robins, walking down to the racecourse for tips from trainers and jockeys (and leaving with manure for his garden), Boxing day buffets, tins of cookies, ginger snaps, diet ski yoghurts, Anne Robinson and "The Weakest Link',  the Daily Mirror crossword, Andy Capp cartoons, the Grand National, Saltburn valley gardens, getting to open and close the crossing gates and watching the trains progress on a giant board.

It's all good stuff. Warm and human and carefree and innocent. And it's stuff that will stick with me. He was a good man, who lived a quiet life surrounded by people who loved him. And ultimately that's what it's all about. I wish I could have introduced him to his latest great-grandchild but it wasn't to be... still I got a lot from him and that will be passed on