Black Armour?

Had a really bad night last night.

A strange combination of an incredibly hot and sticky bedroom (must buy second aircon), a newly squeaky bed (must tighten screws) and worry about missing a vacation that I should, perhaps, not have booked conspired to keep me awake

If it comes down to it I'll miss the vacation, foreit the money and suck up the treatment.

But that's not the point, I booked this thing not as a vacation but as a symbol; something in the future to which I could look forward. A date on the calendar that didn't have attached to it a list of possible side effects. And now it looks as though the whole thing might just disappear; that I'll spend the July 4th weekend not on a beach somewhere but at home, waiting for more treatment as the people who administer that treatment disappear on vacations of their own.

It feels not as though I'm going to miss a vacation but a desecration of a symbol of hope.

This is, I know, a very petulant argument; booking the vacation was always a gamble, after all I was supposed to be dead by now. I'm also sure that it's not something over which to lose sleep - but I am.

Off to be fitted for a foam 'suit' this morning, the being CT scanned in that 'suit' (it's really a template into which I'll be placed for every treatment) before being tattoo'd with the markings they need to focus the radiation.

Tattoo'd?!? - there goes my chance of being buried in a Jewish cemetery

Enough of this, need to walk the dog, take a shower and head for the hospital - where I shall fight viciously to get my way on dates.

More later