Miserable?

Roscoe the Pug With Ice Bag On His Head- Miserable in the Seattle Heat
Originally uploaded by zoomar

This weekend ought to be miserable.

Jude is in Ann Arbor.

I'm flying to chicago on Sunday - where I'll spend two days in an airport hotel talking to people who really don't want to be there about something that they know almost nothing about.

And payday is a week away.

Yup - this weekend should suck harder than a crack whore with rent due (to paraphrase myself)

Instead I shall impose myself on friends. eat, drink and take up some of the many marvels that the city has to offer.

I'll go and pick up my free tickets to Words and Music over at BAM (think the kind of theatre / cinema where earnest older ladies with short hair scoff brownies and at the Bush administration)

Then I'm gonna go and check out the new sandwich place down in what used to be the heavily hispanic Southside of Williamsburg. This one is called Papa Lima Sandwich and is actually modeled on Zingerman's (the owner studied at UM and is a cue card man on Saturday night live as well as a sports bar owner!)

From there it's me - the dog - the park - the greenmarket and a bit of a run before hitting Pilates for the first time in a week (that's gonna hurt)

After that it's the guilty pleasure of a movie alone (I'm thinking The Brave One in which Jodie Foster gets all Charles Bronson on our asses) before heading off for drinks with Jono at Sweet Ups (described by Time Out NY as making you feel "as though you've walked into a detective novel") and dinner at Fanny (I know)

Finish it off with wild salsa a Bembe - a hot, sticky, rum fuelled latin dance spot and I've managed to fill Saturday and have a recipe for a Sunday lie in.

Miserable not. There are advantages to the city - especially in September weather of brilliant sunshine and 29c.

Your Room Awaits

Your Room
Originally uploaded by stevenjude

A few things that you should know about Ann Arbor before you come and visit....

Ann Arbor ain't that big - there are about 115,000 people; a populatin that falls to 78,000 when the students go home.

It's one of the few left wing bastions in Michigan - famous as the place thta Kennedy announced The Peace Corps, Johnson asked or a 'great society' and anti-Vietnam demonstrations first blew up.

It's not always cold - though around 130 days a year sees tempertaures below freezing

It's home to Zingermann's - a rather good deli that feels more Californian than anything.

It's twinned with Tubingen, Belize City, Hikone, Peterborough (Canada), Juigalpa, Dakar and Remedios

The words "Go Blues" go a long, long way

Locals call it The People's Republic of Ann Arbor or 25 square miles surrounded by reality

We have space for you. You'll get a bedroom, a rooftop terrace, a skylight and a train that comes through twice a night making more noise than you thought legal or even possible

See you there

Waiting

wideawake
Originally uploaded by stevenjude

It's 7pm on Monday and I'm in an office sparsely populated. Third eye blind are playing on the company i-pod. A co-worker is typing with more speed and precision than me (no swearing, no tongue poking out, no pecking at the keyboard) and there's a guy pacing and talking on a landline in a closed room that's not as soundproofed as I think he believes it to be.

I've just eaten the most awful veggie burger and am now trying to slosh it down with the remnants of a filthy Albanian white - the kind of wine that hopes a vaguely risque name might erase the bitterness and bite below its screw top. Not that I'm a screw top snob. Some of my best friends have screw tops.

Oh and if you're reading this, you're on facebook and you haven't added me shame on you. I need to get through three figures on friends and you could be the person that tips the balance.

Similarily if you're from Farnborough (or surrounds) and you've been reading this please let me know who you are... I lived there as a kid and the name on my sitemeter thing is arousing my inner cat killer.

Again a post about nothing. Had to postpone scan results as it clashed with me being in Chicago.... but no news is generally good news

Been quiet recently

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

Sorry that the blog has been duller than an airline steak knife of late. Just that I'm drowning in a sea of stress created by other people solely it seems to see whether I can survive a cortisol tsunami.

There's work with its immovable deadlines and multi headed opinion beasts. It's like trying to tame Medusa's mane at times. Then there's Jude's move and wee things going wrong there from time to time (no sound on the cable box - so no TV... not a major issue but a niggle and an example)

There's me trying to stay social and not become a (slightly) thinner Aretha - tied to the house by some strange force over which I've no control.

There are minor house screw ups in London. Insurances, gardens, painting to be done... all of that stuff. All hard from a distance.

There's a credit card that cancels itself upon use and allows you access to re-activate only via a UK freefone number that doesn't work outside of the US.

And then there's being alone. Missing your wife. Wanting a new life. And generally feeling sorrier for yourself than you should.

None of which excuse the inactivity - all of which contribute to it.

Jude has an apartment

So Jude signed on the apartment today, moved in her stuff and is currently in glorious repose on a blow up mattress.

20ft windows, no blinds and top floor make this a risky pose... but she's all guts and glam.

Move went well - the power is on, the place is clean, the furniture is in place and to date a dodgy plug (in the bathroom sink), a row of dead sockets (there will be an on switch somewhere) and a fire that will smoke the place out the first time that it's allowed to burn are the only things that we've founf wrong.

Every car in the car park is German (Audi, BMW, BMW, Porsche, Audi, Mercedes) in a state where the vast majority of cars seem to be Fords with the phrase "I work at Ford. I drive a Ford." placed on the license plate.

Anyway enough third party information. More soon. Sorry for the quick entry... having all kinds of connection issues here

If I was Bart Simpson

IMG_4117.JPG
Originally uploaded by stevenjude

Then I'd probably look like this.

As would most ad planner.

Which is kinda scary.

When you think about it.

Which I do.

Which is also scary.

Man I need to be busier.

Somewhere to live

IMG_3855.JPG
Originally uploaded by stevenjude

We finally have somewhere to live in Ann Arbor. I say finally. We only looked at two buildings - saw the place iwithinn the first hour and will be moving in a shade over two weeks later. But the road feels longer and more arduous, with more twists and turns, in my head.

Cable, Internet and Phone installed on Tuesday, Jude installed on Monday. Should be great. I hope. Anyway short post as I'm running hellish late and don't want to risk not getting a chair at work (such is "hot desking")

Stop viewing,,, start doing

So here I am in one of the coolest enclaves of one of the most exciting cities in the world and quite frankly I’m bored. Sure Williamsburg has moved from arty loft squat heaven through post college idyll to condo strewn East Village rip off but there’s still more going on within five blocks of my house tonight than there will be over the next five years in my home town.

I could go to an ironic quiz – all pop culture questions and geeky cool hyper appreciation. This is the basic tenant of hipster-ism. You have to be bored by current culture but bizarrely fascinated by the pop culture of previous generations. You have to tweak and adjust and reclaim as icons soda streams and chopper bikes and old institutions like burlesque. A hipster appreciation for a time gone by is both a diss to current popular culture and an opportunity to be both involved and detached. How meta is that? Pete’s Candy Store (it looks really old, has an adult spelling bee, bingo for beer, scrabble nights, hot live bands and toasties) is pretty much the centre for this vibe and its here that I can find the quiz. The thing is there also seems to be 120lb weight limit (for guys, girls you have to be under 90lbs) and a 50% skin surface covered in tattoos rule in place, So that’s not one for me.

Galapagos – an art space that I really like is running a dance party tonight. It’s been years since I danced. The last time I think was at Culture Club – a 70s and 80s club on Varick street that caters to hen parties, office parties and the middle aged. Either there or Polyester, which is much the same but with pretension of tongue in cheek. That night I was hammered, the music was loud and the friends Danish and beautiful. But anyway dance parties are for people who have indulged in more drugs than Clarissa Dickson Wright has hot dinners and so it’s not for me either.

Rose – a new place with a Hispanic feel is running Amayo’s Fu-Quintet-Fa – a mad concption of Kung Fu, Cuban, African and traditional Chinese Rhythms and the kind of jazz that makes most people get a bit jumpy but makes jazz fanatics swell to zip endangering in their Farrahs and zoot suits.

Also at Rose tonight – Argentinian folk. Alas the patrons of Rose tend to be 70, arthritic of fingers but lithe of hip. It’s full of old codgers who look toothless and harmless but who will spin your woman away from you, whisk her into a frenzy of neatly executed spins and bathe in the puddle of ecstasy that she leaves behind on the dancefloor. They’ve got game – I don’t.

And so on. All over this wee part of Brooklyn (first stop as realtors are trying to rename the area, how long before it’s known as “OneSto”) there is life and vibrancy, entertainment and experimentation. But I’m pretty much tired of being a spectator at someone else’s party. I wanna play some. And that means diving in and getting involved. Maybe a smaller pond will be needed but it’s time to stop viewing and start doing.

And on thath note I’m off to watch Mystery, G-Dog and Matador trying to teach geeks how to get into a woman’s pants… okay so maybe the doing starts Monday.

Out of sorts

If I've learned anything over the past few years it's that you don't have to fight every battle, let alone win it. The trick is to let some stuff wash over you but not so often that it forms a groove where your backbone used to be.

So instead of turning into a weedy hulk at the first minor niggles today I went for lunch, with the smartest, snarkiest people I could find and enjoyed a couple of hours of creative destruction... unpicking everything from the hiring policies of major corporations to the mania of self proclaimed experts. A fine old time indeed.

Tomorrow I have more on than I think is really neccessary but that's good. Three final presentations have the advantage of finality. And closure, as I'm learning, is cathartic.

No news from the doc' today which is either good news or a sign that he doesn't read patient charts. Let's go for the first one.

How much?

Match box houses
Originally uploaded by ZekiZeki

So Weill Cornell Presbyterian Hospital have a shiny new building that cost them $300m and looks - to my eyes at least - like a very nice Scandinavian airlines lounge (think SAS in Stockholm)...

You walk in to bleached floors, original art, tasteful furniture and a curvy desk that's home to no less than 5 equally curvy young receptionishs.

You fill out the insurance forms - everyone struggles with this. When did I last have a scan? When did I have a treatment? What are all my drugs? Is there an acceoptable "don't remember" response? I wonder why when they have my records they always hand me a blank form and ask me for my best guess at what those records say. A test for alzheimers perhaps?

Then you wait. And wait. My appointment is at 12.00. I arrive at 11.50. One of those terribly enthusiastic women bounds out - energy of a labrador, hair of a spaniel. You just know that in her spare time she volunteers, wears bright pants and believes in the healing power of a smile.

She gives me contrast solution. It has a flavor. Orange. This is new. I'm to have one glass a half hour for the next 2 hrs. 2 hrs? I've only brought a magazine. I comply. 3 hours go by... it's now 3pm so I approach the desk of the curvy young receptionists and ask 'how long?'.. one who looks Polish but has a softer more romantic accent places a call and 5 minutes later I'm in a back room, changing into a gown that barely covers the scars from the cat let alone my 'modesty'

Into a new room with a new MRI machine. It's warmer than usual. A man with a southern accent richer than Helmsley's dog talks me through everything and then leaves the room. Remotely they inject the dye into my system (I'll spend the next 12 hours trying to flush it) and I feel the familiar tingle... though this time it centres on my ass in not at all unpleasant fashion. The machine whirs and buzzes. I move in and out holding breath and urge to swallow as instructed. And then it's over.

I head for 'check out' and see that I have no co-pay then head into the street where I try to find food - it's 4am and I've not eaten yet.

A train to Lorimer puts me close enough to a post office to see me sending off the banker's check that will act as security deposit on Jude's place in Ann Arbor then it's a 2 mile walk to get the dog. The way back takes us past the newly expanded UVA Wines and so we pop in and grab a decent bottle of an unusual white before heading home.

I'm knackered now and kinda swaying (in the street someone screams at me "Do you want the whole sidewalk")... but I sit down to write a proposal for a job. It's good in that it's different rather than good in that it's good. But it takes a half hour and that's enough time spent thinking about the subject at hand.

Down to the neighbor's on 3. Their son is adorable... as is the next child to arrive - the people from 3a. Everyone has kids. Someone is pregnant again and I feel a rush of sadness at not having the time (or ability) to have kids. The argument stays the same. I don't want to have kids during a period where my chances of surving 5 years are less than 50%. 5 years from now we'll be too old to have kids. catch 22. Throw in chemo and you have a recipe for barren.

Dinner downstairs is great. The table is set. The take out is Thai and the people are bright, interesting and generous enough to indulge me in stories that aren't quite yet annecdotes. But they are getting closer.

It's 11.45 now. I have a cat on the desk and a dog at my feet. Jude is 'home' on Friday and so much more engaged in life since she moved to MI that it makes me smile just to think of her. Life is good. Let's just hope that the phone stays silent until the 25th when I head in to see the doctor. Bad news travels fast in oncology - so no news would be the best news of all,

It's scan time again

Brendan Monroe
Originally uploaded by vegasmike433

Yup today is the day that I get scanned for the re-emergence of cancer. Results aren't until the 25th - unless of course things are very bad in which case you get the 'could you come in?' call.

This time I feel as though I have more invested in the results. A return of disease would be a major inconvenience. For the first time since I was sick I have life plans. Things I want to do. Places I want to be. Tasks I want to take on. And all dependent on having an 'all clear'

Of course the pessimist in me says that this will be the time that they see something on the scans. Once you get invested in a positive result the universe delivers the kick to the gut that it thinks that you need.

Follow that line of argument however and you live life purely in the moment - which may be bliss but is also a recipe for coasting. John Lennon was right when he said "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" (and look what happened to him) but without time out to make those plans we're really not living.

So it's fingers crossed tighter than usual for this one.

Pppppfffffffffff

weird one

Lonely birthday
Originally uploaded by freyLee

so the birthday yesterdy was a weird one. I spent the morning working in excel and the afternoon working in a conference room so soul sapping that a visit to Starbucks actually provided some light relief.

New York Starbucks aren't the same as Starbucks in other places. They're smaller, theere are very few places to sit and the places that are there are in the major walkways guaranteeing that you'll be nudged and that your table will be sticky.

There's an air of disappointment about them too. Of staff worried about making the rent rather than happy to have found a good and decent employer. This disappointment is usually masked by a attitude of disinterest with a coating of surlyness (weirdly this doesn't apply to the Grand Central Starrbucks - the one right by the Poughkeepsie platform - open to the world with no doors and always with a smile on its face)

Anyway finished the soul destroying afternoon and came back to over-eat, overindulge in wine and generally attempt to inhale my age in crap. Which I managed.

Today is gonna be more social. I have the gym (gotta keep working at my age), I have a friend for qa bikeride across the bridge and into town, I have a movie lined up and we have plans for The Slipper Room and a little raunchy show to keep our fancies squirmy.

We'll see how it all goes....

It;s my birthday today

IMG_3934.JPG
Originally uploaded by stevenjude

and I'm celebrating by writing cost agreements, visiting a financial institution to talk with some MBA grads and walking my dog through the filthy streets of "Second Stop" Brooklyn. Rather splendid actually.

Also sitting by the phone waiting to hear on the MI apartment. Today should do it - after which my visits to Jude will see me sleeping in the bed above (or to the side or wherever)

Lots of great movies opening this weekend - so lining up friends of different filmatic persuasion to maximized the post film discussion / fist pumping / beard stroking.

That said it's time for coffee, the bread I made the other night and a wee peak at the morning news.

Have fun y'all

Another early morning here

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

and still no real word on the apartment. We gave references yesterday - they're being checked today. We're hoping for a contract tomorrow. Haven't managed to catch up with out current landlord yet... which is a worry as he could 'say anything.' We're hoping that 3 years in the building, no damage done and every payment on time will stand us in good enough stead with him to make his recommendation good.

News here talking about "Popcorn Lung"... there's a chemical in microwave popcorn that gives it a buttery flavor.. and gives people in the factory lung disease. Now it seems that lardy microwave popcorn users have the same condition. Who'd have thought? Two bags of popcorn a day, from a microwave oven, with a chemical topping tyhat tastes 'buttery' could be bad for you.

Oh and Pavavorotti is dead. How's that for an obit?

unbelievable summer

on my way back to returning more unwatched videos
Originally uploaded by stevenjude

the weather here continues to make all of the cionstruction, dirt and noise bearable. My friend Gareth claims that there's a secret 'minimum noise level' in New York and that when the city gets too quiet the mayor sends out men with jackhammers and vehicles with sirens. He may well be right. It's a city that prodes itself on excitement (and the fact that New Yorkers now live longer - that's what a falling murder rate and city set up like an obstacle course that has to be walked quickly will do for you) and the energy levels are usually Red Bull high.

It's not a jahhed, coked up London energy either/ No aggressive delusions of grandeur here - just an awareness that we're a small island off teh coast of America that votes, eats, drinks and worships differently to the union to whom we're tied. Yup this morning I'm glad to be a New Yorker.

News today

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

we should get news on Judith's swanky pad today. From what we heard over the holiday weekend the news ought to be good - with only the fine details of contracts holding us up. We shall see, we shall see. Busy week for me this week - lost a day to the holiday (though I actually did a lot yesterday in terms of concept re-writes, client calls and revised research plans) and have two days of training to attend (we're giving it, I'm a viewer and able pair of hands) as well as a day of follow-up to that training. Have to watch the weight during all of that too - as there's food always at hand and candy prizes aplenty to be had. One dense paragraph this, I'm sorry.

Weekend in Ann Arbor

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

I am an idiot. This I have known and confessed at regular intervals for some time. But this weekend proved it. Jude was down in Ann Arbor - getting ready to start school and staying in an Extended stay Hotel 'Efficiency'... I was doing nothing here so I threw caution and checkbook to the wind and jumped on the first flight I could find to be with her over a 'long weekend'. Of course it could have been a longer weekend as tomorrow is a public holiday here. A fact that I forgot. So as I landed in a deserted NYC (the route from airport home was eerily quiet) Jude was sitting in her hotel room miles from anything but the mall.

The weekend was good though. Hertz provided transportation in the form of a new but oddly creaking Economy Vehicle that cost a mere $30 (that's 15 quid) a day. Said vehicle took us to a monsterous WholeFoods (Jude had been living on mall food), to all of the spots we needed to be on campus, to a gay bar that served brunch to very un-gay couples on a Sunday as well as to a park, a lake and a couple of hours of canoeing.

It also ferried us to look at a few houses. There were scant few that matched the 'close enough to walk to school; bright enough to need no lights, cool enough to compensate for not being NYC ' brief but the one pictured did and we put in an offer to take it. Now it's wait and see time as the owners contemplate the offer, the chance that we might one day want to move pets there and the idea of having Jude move in almost immediately. We're hoping that they say 'yes' whilst trying to stay relaxed about the possibility of an 'no'. It would be perfect for Jude - one Bedroom, an upstairs study, a rooftop balcony and almost immediate occupancy. And of course not being New York adds the considerable advantage of it also being affordable. Let's hope it goes our way.

Now that I am back I'm not entorely sure what to do with myself. Ordered food and beer to be delivered (I figured that 2 hrs on the water had earned me a Wombat dinner) - checked e-mails, stroked the very excited (and newly groomed) dog and texted Jude to the point of distraction. I guess all that's left is to try and catch up with the TiVo (easy this week as fall season is still 7 days away) and to see who's looking good in the tennis.

A miserable drunk?

Originally uploaded by snailbooty

Since Jude left I've been wondering why it is that the wine is disappearing at a rate of knots. Then I realized that I've been downing it "like fizzy pop" here on my own. Determined not to buy any more - but still have a bottle to do before I run 'dry'. Shame as I find myself quite amusing when spewing cider fuelled bile.

Anyway my flight down to see Jude leaves at 6am this morning - that means a 4.30 departure. Time for bed.

It;s scan time again

This is my brain
Originally uploaded by killermonkeys

Realized last night that my last scan was on May 7th... making me 3 weeks overdue for a new one. Originally the plan had been to have scans every 3 months for the first year and every 6 months after that 'danger period'

Actually the danger period is usually two years and that might well be why the doctor said last time - "All clear. No problems. But let's stick to a 3 month schedule."

Of course that was three and a half months ago and it's amazing how the time flies when you're tumor free (it flies in a different way when you're tumor filled, less purposeful march, more flitting swallow)

So today it's back into the hands of Adela who needs to negotiate with insurance companies, MRI providers and her own doctor to get me in in a timely fashion. I'm always amazed that she manages it and always equally amazed that there's no 'reminder service' telling me, her and all concerned parties that a scan is due.

Will let you know when I have a date with the magnetic donut confirmed

Not tempting fate I hope

One too many irons in the fire
Originally uploaded by Leenda K (on the road)

The title of this picture was "One too many irons in the fire" and as I only have one iron in any fire at the moment (so to speak) I'm hoping that it's not prophetic. Can't be any less cryptic than that but those of you who have fingers, toes or any other body parts that can be crossed for me please do it this week.

Wondering where 'fingers crossed' came from as a superstition... well there are theories here

www.seiyaku.com/customs/fingers-crossed.html

Last day with Jude as New York residents today. I have to work, she has to pack, that sucks. I'll be home early I think just to get some more time in. And more time means less time here ---> that's me back to bed