people to take pictures of people on American Idol and then upload them to Flickr is quite beyond me. But I'm rather glad that they do. This is Carly Bruiser and her fighting lizard husband. Can America bring itself to vote for flesh desecrators I wonder?
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
American Idol
I realised today that I've been almost entirely silent on the subject of this season's American Idol - which is most unlike me as it's a bit of a corker.
Let me start by bringing you up to speed with the contestants
Brook White is the toothy Carly Simon type. She's never seen an R rated movie, is relentlessly positive and likes to play the piano in a way that reminds me of a chaste Tori Amos (her knees are resolutely never splayed). She's harmless enough but alas she's about 40 years too late to have a career - and 40 years ago we had tapestry and carole king anyway.
Carly Smithson is an Irish bruiser who this week admitted that she'd murdered Total Eclipse of the Heart in part because her slimming girdle had been too tight. Married to what appears to be a fighting lizard she's the kind of girl you'd like to have a pint with - and she can belt out a song but in the age of HD and widescreen the bingo wings are a killer.
David Archuleta is a singing mormon foetus who seems too earnest for his own good but really connects on songs with a pseudo refligious content. He makes the girls scream but only because girls are evil and they see how it makes him squirm. Tellingly he's almost never acknowledged by another contestant. He'll go far, but never far enough
David Cook is a doughy Daughtrey. He's done a couple of good covers that have turned out to be accurate enough rip offs but he does at least sound current in an emo rocker sort of way. I'd like him more if he didn't look like a Cornish Pastie.
Jason Castro is the young, blue eyes, dreadlocked bedroom strummer with the hippie attitude and the ability to turn 12 year old girls into puddles of jello. He's crap but that doesn't really matter - it's all about the eyes.
Kristy Lee Cook has played every Idol card she can. She sings with a country twang. She has a "I sold my horse" story and after WEEKS in the bottom three she this week made the most cynical and brilliant choice of songs in the history of the show "God Bless the USA" - Americans bought shovels to help them gobble that shit up faster and she's moving on.
Michael Johns is from Australia and has a Queen fetish. This makes people compare him to Michael Hutchence. Maybe a castrated Hutchence. He's already in a hotel room - somebody hand him a noose and save us from more weeks of self indulgent vocal noodling.
Ramilele Malubay wouldn't be out of place belting out slightly mis-pronounced covers in the Mandarin Oriental, Manilla. When she does end up there be sure to ask for a room as far from the 'cabaret lounge' as possible.
Syesha Mercado is another cut priced Whitney. She has nice hair. And she's making the most of good dentistry. But really girl - you need to get your own schtick 'cause this has been done and been done so much better.
And that's it. Nobody as excruciating as 'beat boxer' Blake Lewis, as deformed but brilliant as Doolittle or even as deranged as last year's winner - a hairy pre-pubescent giantess . But it's been a blast so far.
Expect weekly updates hence.
Let me start by bringing you up to speed with the contestants
Brook White is the toothy Carly Simon type. She's never seen an R rated movie, is relentlessly positive and likes to play the piano in a way that reminds me of a chaste Tori Amos (her knees are resolutely never splayed). She's harmless enough but alas she's about 40 years too late to have a career - and 40 years ago we had tapestry and carole king anyway.
Carly Smithson is an Irish bruiser who this week admitted that she'd murdered Total Eclipse of the Heart in part because her slimming girdle had been too tight. Married to what appears to be a fighting lizard she's the kind of girl you'd like to have a pint with - and she can belt out a song but in the age of HD and widescreen the bingo wings are a killer.
David Archuleta is a singing mormon foetus who seems too earnest for his own good but really connects on songs with a pseudo refligious content. He makes the girls scream but only because girls are evil and they see how it makes him squirm. Tellingly he's almost never acknowledged by another contestant. He'll go far, but never far enough
David Cook is a doughy Daughtrey. He's done a couple of good covers that have turned out to be accurate enough rip offs but he does at least sound current in an emo rocker sort of way. I'd like him more if he didn't look like a Cornish Pastie.
Jason Castro is the young, blue eyes, dreadlocked bedroom strummer with the hippie attitude and the ability to turn 12 year old girls into puddles of jello. He's crap but that doesn't really matter - it's all about the eyes.
Kristy Lee Cook has played every Idol card she can. She sings with a country twang. She has a "I sold my horse" story and after WEEKS in the bottom three she this week made the most cynical and brilliant choice of songs in the history of the show "God Bless the USA" - Americans bought shovels to help them gobble that shit up faster and she's moving on.
Michael Johns is from Australia and has a Queen fetish. This makes people compare him to Michael Hutchence. Maybe a castrated Hutchence. He's already in a hotel room - somebody hand him a noose and save us from more weeks of self indulgent vocal noodling.
Ramilele Malubay wouldn't be out of place belting out slightly mis-pronounced covers in the Mandarin Oriental, Manilla. When she does end up there be sure to ask for a room as far from the 'cabaret lounge' as possible.
Syesha Mercado is another cut priced Whitney. She has nice hair. And she's making the most of good dentistry. But really girl - you need to get your own schtick 'cause this has been done and been done so much better.
And that's it. Nobody as excruciating as 'beat boxer' Blake Lewis, as deformed but brilliant as Doolittle or even as deranged as last year's winner - a hairy pre-pubescent giantess . But it's been a blast so far.
Expect weekly updates hence.
Like the real thing - but not quite
Not much happening today... which isn't really the way to start any blog entry. No the way to start a blog entry is thus
"So there I was wrist deep in a post op-tranny"
The reason that's the way to start a blog entry is simple. At any given moment there are a huge number of men looking online for any mention of "Post op trannies"
Perhaps some are surgeons - looking for a new, neater stitch. Or nurses hoping to find a favorite ex-patient. But the majority are guys on the slow slide into fetishism. Pushing boundaries further and further in a bid to find the thrills that once came so easily. That's the problem with infinite options - they dull the senses. Things that are easy to find - and shared by many are somehow less thrilling - and so we search for the unusual.
Families try to "get there before McDondalds" when travelling. Businessmen stay in 'boutique' hotels owned and run by mass chains. Teenage girls search second hand stores in search of vintage. And a million boys sit in bedrooms trying to create the ultimate mash-up - the modern mix-tape without the awkward connotations.
We're all looking for the unique. Defining ourselves by the increasingly small number of things that we do that are different. For the things that make up the 2% of our lives that we believe is ultimately 'us'.
We're becoming nomads. Constantly moving in the search not for stimulation but for uniqueness. We want to drink from the fountain of interesting... to experience what others haven't and as a result become what others aren't. Choice does that. It allows us to indulge fantasy.
Maybe that's why I get so many hits looking for post-op trannies. Or maybe it's just that guys are predictably in search of cheap titillation.
Whaddya think?
"So there I was wrist deep in a post op-tranny"
The reason that's the way to start a blog entry is simple. At any given moment there are a huge number of men looking online for any mention of "Post op trannies"
Perhaps some are surgeons - looking for a new, neater stitch. Or nurses hoping to find a favorite ex-patient. But the majority are guys on the slow slide into fetishism. Pushing boundaries further and further in a bid to find the thrills that once came so easily. That's the problem with infinite options - they dull the senses. Things that are easy to find - and shared by many are somehow less thrilling - and so we search for the unusual.
Families try to "get there before McDondalds" when travelling. Businessmen stay in 'boutique' hotels owned and run by mass chains. Teenage girls search second hand stores in search of vintage. And a million boys sit in bedrooms trying to create the ultimate mash-up - the modern mix-tape without the awkward connotations.
We're all looking for the unique. Defining ourselves by the increasingly small number of things that we do that are different. For the things that make up the 2% of our lives that we believe is ultimately 'us'.
We're becoming nomads. Constantly moving in the search not for stimulation but for uniqueness. We want to drink from the fountain of interesting... to experience what others haven't and as a result become what others aren't. Choice does that. It allows us to indulge fantasy.
Maybe that's why I get so many hits looking for post-op trannies. Or maybe it's just that guys are predictably in search of cheap titillation.
Whaddya think?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
A marble gray day
it's one of those heavy gray days here today - the skies look marble and the earth feels as cold. Everywhere you look there's evidence that this has been a brutal winter - from the pallid complexions of the faces you see here through to the dirty grey chunks of decomposed road mixed with week old slush that are thrown up by the trucks. Cars are glazed with crusted salt, concrete structures act as a black holes - overpasses sucking what weak light there is available into their very bases - like monsterously selfish plants. Clothes that started black and tight are now faded and slack, as are the bodies below them - the winter adding inches of marbled flesh to bodies programmed to expect famine.
Yup today is marble gray
Yup today is marble gray
Monday, March 24, 2008
Home alone
I'm home alone today.
Judith is at work but I have the day off to celebrate the rising of The Lord (aka R. Savior) in the traditional fashion (Quorn, chocolate, a trip to the vet, a walk with the dog, an hour in the gym and some thinking about an event I'm organizing)
The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the snow is melting despite it still being -1c and somehow it feels like spring.
A month ago I'd have filled the day with searches for Hillary and Obama - but I have Primary fatigue and besides there are too many other things to find online to be worried about THAT particular black man - older white woman pairing.
Right now I'm going book myself tickets to Vegas, Miami, Cyprus and maybe LA. Now that's what I call spending,
Judith is at work but I have the day off to celebrate the rising of The Lord (aka R. Savior) in the traditional fashion (Quorn, chocolate, a trip to the vet, a walk with the dog, an hour in the gym and some thinking about an event I'm organizing)
The sun is shining, the sky is blue, the snow is melting despite it still being -1c and somehow it feels like spring.
A month ago I'd have filled the day with searches for Hillary and Obama - but I have Primary fatigue and besides there are too many other things to find online to be worried about THAT particular black man - older white woman pairing.
Right now I'm going book myself tickets to Vegas, Miami, Cyprus and maybe LA. Now that's what I call spending,
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Molecular Gastronomy
I've always thought that Molecular Gastronomy was more about theatre than food. Well when I say always I mean during my years as someone poncy enough to be thinking about Molecular Gastronomy rather than whether to have the fish sticks or the chicken sticks.
Anyway last night we headed down to our landlord's pub and then on to his restaurant. It's about a 60 mile drive each way and the town of Clarkston is a two stoplight town so we weren't quite sure what to expect. Other than it would be good. But was that good for such a small town, good for Michigan or good for America?
As it turned out it was gorgeous, the food was good (my Ahi Wellington- seared blue tuna wrapped in rice paper with shitake duxelle, wasabi white bean puree and ponzu demi-glace was great), the decor was great and our landlord was generous with his time , his attention and his cash (he comp'd our entire meal - wine and all)
Best of all though was the ice-cream. Wheeled out on a trolley with a bowl lit blue from below by a light box the ice-cream was an exercise in molecular theatre. Yup they took the ice cream mix and added liquid nitrogen, right there tableside. They then did the same to both citrus fruit and chocolate. The result was spectacular tableside theatre and an icecream that tasted like none I've ever tried before. The flavors were fresh. The ice-cream smooth. And the citrus just zing'd.
We'll be back - and next time we'll be paying
Anyway last night we headed down to our landlord's pub and then on to his restaurant. It's about a 60 mile drive each way and the town of Clarkston is a two stoplight town so we weren't quite sure what to expect. Other than it would be good. But was that good for such a small town, good for Michigan or good for America?
As it turned out it was gorgeous, the food was good (my Ahi Wellington- seared blue tuna wrapped in rice paper with shitake duxelle, wasabi white bean puree and ponzu demi-glace was great), the decor was great and our landlord was generous with his time , his attention and his cash (he comp'd our entire meal - wine and all)
Best of all though was the ice-cream. Wheeled out on a trolley with a bowl lit blue from below by a light box the ice-cream was an exercise in molecular theatre. Yup they took the ice cream mix and added liquid nitrogen, right there tableside. They then did the same to both citrus fruit and chocolate. The result was spectacular tableside theatre and an icecream that tasted like none I've ever tried before. The flavors were fresh. The ice-cream smooth. And the citrus just zing'd.
We'll be back - and next time we'll be paying
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Another 10 inches
When we were in New York I'd have expected a blog post named "Another Ten Inches" to be some kind of review of a show tune review or perhaps a write up of a micro penised organ playing sextet.
Here it means one thing. Snow. And lots of it. So much snow that if you open the door of your car and put the key in the ignition - accidentally triggering the windshield wipers; you end up with about 9 inches of snow under the electric seat of your car. I know, I tried it. I'm an idiot.
Went to see Bank Job yesterday and besides the ridiculous dialogue "Granted I've been known to get up to some skullduggery in the past..." it was actually all rather entertaining. In a 'here to enjoy the accents' kind of way.
Today saw us trawling the outlet markets for cheap designery things. And tonight we're driving up to Clarkston (home of Kid Rock and that woman who replaced Kirtsie Alley on the Jenny Craig ads for just long enough to allow the agency to find another fat celeb' that they could slim). Our landlord has a couple of restaurants there - so we thought that we should give them a go and try to get him to cash our checks (cheques you UK people)
Looking forward to it.
Here it means one thing. Snow. And lots of it. So much snow that if you open the door of your car and put the key in the ignition - accidentally triggering the windshield wipers; you end up with about 9 inches of snow under the electric seat of your car. I know, I tried it. I'm an idiot.
Went to see Bank Job yesterday and besides the ridiculous dialogue "Granted I've been known to get up to some skullduggery in the past..." it was actually all rather entertaining. In a 'here to enjoy the accents' kind of way.
Today saw us trawling the outlet markets for cheap designery things. And tonight we're driving up to Clarkston (home of Kid Rock and that woman who replaced Kirtsie Alley on the Jenny Craig ads for just long enough to allow the agency to find another fat celeb' that they could slim). Our landlord has a couple of restaurants there - so we thought that we should give them a go and try to get him to cash our checks (cheques you UK people)
Looking forward to it.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Back in the saddle
So my unexpected day off (we don't really DO Easter as a holiday in the US) turned into a surprise day in when I got a call last night asking me to attend an ad hoc meeting looking at final plans on my 'big project'
Sure, I said..
And as I'll be out of here way before lunch I really don't care at all. It's not as though I really had any plans for the day anyway besides walking the dog for a while and heading for the gym (note to self, charge i-pod)
Happy times yesterday. Got out while it was still light and went in search of something to eat... every restaurant full and buzzing. We eventually ended up having bad burgers (Tempeh for me) at a brew-pub before going on for Margheritas at a wee Cuban place where the lights are low enough and the music Latin enough to make even the customers look hot. Much fun.
Sure, I said..
And as I'll be out of here way before lunch I really don't care at all. It's not as though I really had any plans for the day anyway besides walking the dog for a while and heading for the gym (note to self, charge i-pod)
Happy times yesterday. Got out while it was still light and went in search of something to eat... every restaurant full and buzzing. We eventually ended up having bad burgers (Tempeh for me) at a brew-pub before going on for Margheritas at a wee Cuban place where the lights are low enough and the music Latin enough to make even the customers look hot. Much fun.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Relaxed
I'm bizarrely relaxed today. I have no idea why. The temperatures are still sub zero. I was still woken by the squealing of cats. The drive in to work was as long as ever (actually I enjoy the drive every day)... I still have a mountain of work to get through and I'm no nearer doing my first Sketchy's show - but for whatever reason the shoulders have dropped, the breathing is deeper and I can feel oxygen in my blood again.
It might be Pilates. It might be the fact that despite the cold signs of spring abound or it might just be the return of decent TV. I'm not sure what the cause may be but it's a good feeling.
And it's good to have a good feeling once in a while. Yesterday I was browsing cool things to do and realized that 7 of the 10 things that appealed to me were happening in Williamsburg, NY - our old neighborhood. I got this deep yearning to be back there. To be connected. To be within arm's reach of a scene that excited me. And then I got horribly maudlin. I miss New York. The buzz. The options. The walking. The subway. The photo opportunities.
But increasingly I like it here. The job is better. The apartment is great. I like having a car. The weather is improving to the point when you can actually go outside and this thaw is allowing culture to creep in and take root (there's an amazing looking film festival next week for example)... so chilled and expectant. That's good, right?
It might be Pilates. It might be the fact that despite the cold signs of spring abound or it might just be the return of decent TV. I'm not sure what the cause may be but it's a good feeling.
And it's good to have a good feeling once in a while. Yesterday I was browsing cool things to do and realized that 7 of the 10 things that appealed to me were happening in Williamsburg, NY - our old neighborhood. I got this deep yearning to be back there. To be connected. To be within arm's reach of a scene that excited me. And then I got horribly maudlin. I miss New York. The buzz. The options. The walking. The subway. The photo opportunities.
But increasingly I like it here. The job is better. The apartment is great. I like having a car. The weather is improving to the point when you can actually go outside and this thaw is allowing culture to creep in and take root (there's an amazing looking film festival next week for example)... so chilled and expectant. That's good, right?
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
The glam' world of advertising
I'm sitting in a pre-production meeting talking about who would be the best people to put together animatics before we hire people to produce spots.
Animatics are a bizarre thing. You put together a piece of a cartoon that you whizz the camera over and then ask people to imagine what it would be like as a complete spot.
Of course people always think that you're suggesting an animated spot and reject whatever you've done based on the 'fact' that beer (or whatever) shouldn't be advertised in a style that is primarily suited to children.
It skews everything - but as the bias is built in to every spot then the baseline is set and you can get a bit of a read on how things work.
The cartoon boards and production time costs a fortune... but then shooting something with CGI and a real director costs a fortune, a kidney and a first born.
Somehow today feels less glam' than I'd imagined it would. But we're getting there.
Animatics are a bizarre thing. You put together a piece of a cartoon that you whizz the camera over and then ask people to imagine what it would be like as a complete spot.
Of course people always think that you're suggesting an animated spot and reject whatever you've done based on the 'fact' that beer (or whatever) shouldn't be advertised in a style that is primarily suited to children.
It skews everything - but as the bias is built in to every spot then the baseline is set and you can get a bit of a read on how things work.
The cartoon boards and production time costs a fortune... but then shooting something with CGI and a real director costs a fortune, a kidney and a first born.
Somehow today feels less glam' than I'd imagined it would. But we're getting there.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Back from the ad school
Spent yesterday at the Miami ad school. The weather was good, the work was good, the students were young, alive, alert and glowing with hope. Naiivety was in the air. As was talent. And fresh thinking. And the scent of frangipani. All in, quite an aphrodisiac.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
All too exciting
It seems that at every event we attend recently there's this shot to be taken. A kid, sitting apart, video game in hand, looking cold, disinterested and as though they're counting down the hours until they get back into World of Warcraft. Weirdly I don't blame them.
Despite the fact that it's a good 15c warmer here today than it was two weeks ago and despite the fact that the sun is out and the skies are blue (or blue-ish)... it's still freezing here as the runners in the St. Patrick's Day 10k go streaming by and the crowds stomp their feet as much to keep circulation going as to encourage their friends and realatives on.
Me - well I'm off to Miami tomorrow. So I care not a jot about the cold. Home alone tonight though (Jude eating with Professorial types) so it's crap TV and perhaps a glass of whisky or two.
Excellent
Despite the fact that it's a good 15c warmer here today than it was two weeks ago and despite the fact that the sun is out and the skies are blue (or blue-ish)... it's still freezing here as the runners in the St. Patrick's Day 10k go streaming by and the crowds stomp their feet as much to keep circulation going as to encourage their friends and realatives on.
Me - well I'm off to Miami tomorrow. So I care not a jot about the cold. Home alone tonight though (Jude eating with Professorial types) so it's crap TV and perhaps a glass of whisky or two.
Excellent
Saturday, March 15, 2008
one last piece
of fuckwittery....
I received a final bonus from my old company yesterday.
Very nice, very handy.
But for some reason they deducted only 4% tax.
Instead of 30%
So when I headed in to complete my tax return today I had to fill out a new form - costing me about $40 per line (tax accountants aren't cheap) bumping up the cost of filing taxes to $530 and wiping out my refund in the process.
I now owe the IRS $3700. I'd have paid it anyway, but it would have been a lot less of a hassle had it not been for one last, post grave piece of absolute fuckwittery.
I received a final bonus from my old company yesterday.
Very nice, very handy.
But for some reason they deducted only 4% tax.
Instead of 30%
So when I headed in to complete my tax return today I had to fill out a new form - costing me about $40 per line (tax accountants aren't cheap) bumping up the cost of filing taxes to $530 and wiping out my refund in the process.
I now owe the IRS $3700. I'd have paid it anyway, but it would have been a lot less of a hassle had it not been for one last, post grave piece of absolute fuckwittery.
Friday, March 14, 2008
5C - at night!!!
Last night I drove home in daylight. Yes, daylight. And Sunshine. And without the need for a heater in the car. It felt as though I was living another person's life. I felt lighter (actually I am lighter, 5lbs lighter in the last 2 weeks), more alive, more connected to the world.
Mind the world smelled of skunk. The first sign of spring is bringing the skunk out onto the roads in huge numbers... and the smell of skunk in the headlights lingers.
We also drove in to Detroit for an Ice Hockey game. The redwings beat an evil Dallas side (dressed all in black for effect) 5-3... all very loud and very thrilling. Actually the seats were good, the pizza was fresh and the crowd insane enough to make things entertaining even though the players threw barely a dozen punches between them.
Weekend keeps extending. Food with a Dutch Columbian tonight, detroit casino dancing tomorrow and then down to Miami and the ad' school on Monday for a spot of 'show us what you've got'... we gave them a 'live brief' 6 weeks ago and they're going to present the work back Monday. Should be good. And maybe I'll finally set up a date to teach down there. I love teaching. And advertising. And Miami. So that would be a GOOD THING.
Okay back to work with me
Mind the world smelled of skunk. The first sign of spring is bringing the skunk out onto the roads in huge numbers... and the smell of skunk in the headlights lingers.
We also drove in to Detroit for an Ice Hockey game. The redwings beat an evil Dallas side (dressed all in black for effect) 5-3... all very loud and very thrilling. Actually the seats were good, the pizza was fresh and the crowd insane enough to make things entertaining even though the players threw barely a dozen punches between them.
Weekend keeps extending. Food with a Dutch Columbian tonight, detroit casino dancing tomorrow and then down to Miami and the ad' school on Monday for a spot of 'show us what you've got'... we gave them a 'live brief' 6 weeks ago and they're going to present the work back Monday. Should be good. And maybe I'll finally set up a date to teach down there. I love teaching. And advertising. And Miami. So that would be a GOOD THING.
Okay back to work with me
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Jude enjoys The Venetian
So here we are, back in a slightly less frozen Michigan (only -1c when I left today) and getting ready for a bit of an extended weekend. We have Ice Hockey in Detroit tonight, a invitation for dinner tomorrow and drinks plus clubbing in a Detroit casino with our neighbors on Saturday.
Not sure quite where we'll find the energy actually. The Vegas thing was a killer in terms of flights and the clocks going forward when we were there. We've been dazed ever since. Or at least I have. I haven't seen too much of Jude due to the amount of time I've been putting in at work recently. All good stuff actually - getting close to launch on my first campaign here and the work is getting better and better just at the point when it usually stalls.
Anyway talking of work, I have to dash.
More tomorrow
Not sure quite where we'll find the energy actually. The Vegas thing was a killer in terms of flights and the clocks going forward when we were there. We've been dazed ever since. Or at least I have. I haven't seen too much of Jude due to the amount of time I've been putting in at work recently. All good stuff actually - getting close to launch on my first campaign here and the work is getting better and better just at the point when it usually stalls.
Anyway talking of work, I have to dash.
More tomorrow
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Not Dead
So we're back from Vegas - which was fun. And sunny. And had great shopping. In very weird malls. A real mixture of art and tat that felt more Australian than American.... well Australia with a budget.
The Venetian really is quite spectacular, The Bellagio has ridiculous lines for its buffet and Caesar's Place - well it's just as over the top and tacky as you could ever wish for.
Jude and I did some competitive shopping. She opened with Jimmy Choo slingbacks, I countered with a Christian LaCroix (Sweetie) suit. The bags drew lots of attention, to which I became addicted. So as Jude was whisked into the back and shown lots of size zero dresses in Donna Karan I was showered with champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and stories of who had had what done (butt implants on the girl in LaCroix my favorite). Throw in a very Michael jackson jacket for Jude (it got lots of favorable attention later) and you have a shopping trip.
We also did The Grand Canyon (the real one, not some shopping mall facsimilie) by 6 person plane, helicopter, boat and terrifyingly close to the edge walk. Loved it, other than I went in to photograph mode and spent most of the time looking at things through one eye, through glass and alone rather than sharing it with Jude. It's a bad habit of mine (I did the same at the Spice Girls) and one that I'm looking to break - Jude suggested a backpack for the camera, that way I can put it away; a very good suggestion.
Shows? Well the much maligned Zumanity - which was part low budget circus, part high rent burlesque and impressive non-the-less.
Gambling? Not really. Too much noise, too much smoke, too high a minimum on the tables and too many hen parties.
Next time we go we use The Wine Angel (pick your bottle by computerized tablet and she's hoisted into the air, flies across to your bottle and lands delicately tableside - though I bet that harness chafes)
Back in April and not a moment too soon
The Venetian really is quite spectacular, The Bellagio has ridiculous lines for its buffet and Caesar's Place - well it's just as over the top and tacky as you could ever wish for.
Jude and I did some competitive shopping. She opened with Jimmy Choo slingbacks, I countered with a Christian LaCroix (Sweetie) suit. The bags drew lots of attention, to which I became addicted. So as Jude was whisked into the back and shown lots of size zero dresses in Donna Karan I was showered with champagne, chocolate covered strawberries and stories of who had had what done (butt implants on the girl in LaCroix my favorite). Throw in a very Michael jackson jacket for Jude (it got lots of favorable attention later) and you have a shopping trip.
We also did The Grand Canyon (the real one, not some shopping mall facsimilie) by 6 person plane, helicopter, boat and terrifyingly close to the edge walk. Loved it, other than I went in to photograph mode and spent most of the time looking at things through one eye, through glass and alone rather than sharing it with Jude. It's a bad habit of mine (I did the same at the Spice Girls) and one that I'm looking to break - Jude suggested a backpack for the camera, that way I can put it away; a very good suggestion.
Shows? Well the much maligned Zumanity - which was part low budget circus, part high rent burlesque and impressive non-the-less.
Gambling? Not really. Too much noise, too much smoke, too high a minimum on the tables and too many hen parties.
Next time we go we use The Wine Angel (pick your bottle by computerized tablet and she's hoisted into the air, flies across to your bottle and lands delicately tableside - though I bet that harness chafes)
Back in April and not a moment too soon
Friday, March 07, 2008
Off to Vegas
Home of gambling, hookers, strippers, lapdancers, replicas, wedding chapels, Elvis look-a-likes and Michael Jackson.
All pretty cool. My vow though is to see the world through both eyes, not just the viewfinder of a camera. We'll see whether or not that happens.
A friend yesterday had a much better way to sully the McCain presidential bid. He refers to the ex-prisoner of war only as "Ex Prisoner John McCain"
His logic? That if you call him an "ex-prisoner" often enough people will start to wonder just what it was that he did wrong and whether we should elect an ex-con.
An elegant distortion of truth that involves no lies. Brilliant.
All pretty cool. My vow though is to see the world through both eyes, not just the viewfinder of a camera. We'll see whether or not that happens.
A friend yesterday had a much better way to sully the McCain presidential bid. He refers to the ex-prisoner of war only as "Ex Prisoner John McCain"
His logic? That if you call him an "ex-prisoner" often enough people will start to wonder just what it was that he did wrong and whether we should elect an ex-con.
An elegant distortion of truth that involves no lies. Brilliant.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Dirty Politics
I've decided that the US political system is only interesting when there are some dirty politics going on.
For example - during the last election the Democrats nominated a genuine war hero who'd also managed to speak out against pointless violence. This they thought would help them. John Kerry could be by both stronger and more manly than the war dodging army deserter Bush (remember that Bush has gone missing for months from his cushy, never go to war post, off whoring and drinking) but could also talk about ending war.
Good plan - until the Repubicans smeared Kerry with their Swiftboat campaign, painting him as a war cowerd who somehow weasled his medals out of the American army whilst singing "I hate America" and drowning babies born on the Fourth of July.
Kerry sank.
So it's time to throw some mud people. Time to put these candidates on the back foot and see how they respond. I have a few suggestions.
Bill Clinton DIDN'T have sexual relations with "that woman" - Hillary did. Hillary then 'harvested' Bills sperm and put it on Lewinsky's dress herself - in a bid to have him impeached and allow her to take over the Whitehouse in a coup de wronged wife. The truth was hidden from the world as Bill decided to take the fall rather than allow Hillary to take her communist agenda any further.
John McCain of course has a worse secret. he makes ice replicas of his genitals (using a mould he had made in Vietnam where he spent years setting up Nike sweatshops) and then feeds them to his dogs whilst 'pleasuring himself'
And of course Barack Hussein Obama - is a radical Muslim sent to destroy us all.
Get out of those without moving, candidates
For example - during the last election the Democrats nominated a genuine war hero who'd also managed to speak out against pointless violence. This they thought would help them. John Kerry could be by both stronger and more manly than the war dodging army deserter Bush (remember that Bush has gone missing for months from his cushy, never go to war post, off whoring and drinking) but could also talk about ending war.
Good plan - until the Repubicans smeared Kerry with their Swiftboat campaign, painting him as a war cowerd who somehow weasled his medals out of the American army whilst singing "I hate America" and drowning babies born on the Fourth of July.
Kerry sank.
So it's time to throw some mud people. Time to put these candidates on the back foot and see how they respond. I have a few suggestions.
Bill Clinton DIDN'T have sexual relations with "that woman" - Hillary did. Hillary then 'harvested' Bills sperm and put it on Lewinsky's dress herself - in a bid to have him impeached and allow her to take over the Whitehouse in a coup de wronged wife. The truth was hidden from the world as Bill decided to take the fall rather than allow Hillary to take her communist agenda any further.
John McCain of course has a worse secret. he makes ice replicas of his genitals (using a mould he had made in Vietnam where he spent years setting up Nike sweatshops) and then feeds them to his dogs whilst 'pleasuring himself'
And of course Barack Hussein Obama - is a radical Muslim sent to destroy us all.
Get out of those without moving, candidates
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
What a day
So in a race tighter than Jordan's reconstructed vagina we saw Hillary fight back in Texas and Ohio - winning the states that she needed to stay in the race and bringing the delegate count almost back to level.
Most interesting was that (like Jordan) it was a last minute surge that put her over the top. In Ohio she beat out Obama in both people who had decided on their vote in the last 24 hrs and the last 3 days - showing that she has momentum.
She was hot with the grannies and with 'white folks'. Hot for people who see the economy or health as the most important issue and amongst registered Democrats.
Texas told the same story.
One other fact - women made up 59% of the Ohio vote (she grabbed 57% of their votes to Obamas 41%) and they mode up 57% of the Texan vote (where she carried them 55 to 44)
The Republicans had more men voting in both primaries.
More importantly Idol News. It seems that the lispy queen who appears to be auditioning for Project Runway rather than Idol isn't the only closet case they have. They also have a guy who until very recently was a stripper in a gay club. That doesn't make him a gay stripper of course but expect twisted hands and clanging rosaries from Paula.
Then there's the rock and roll nurse who sings like a tone deaf Bonnie Tyler and has a habit of wrapping her cars around trees. Seems that the second habit may be connected to her liking the odd drink whilst behind the wheel. Booo - bad Idol. Expect children in their millions to emulate her.
And expect Frenchie Davies - the woman kicked off an early season for having posed for 'racy internet shots' to turn up and go postal. She may have been a net ho - but she wasn't a drunk driving, crotch grinding, homo ho!
And on that message of hate I leave you
Most interesting was that (like Jordan) it was a last minute surge that put her over the top. In Ohio she beat out Obama in both people who had decided on their vote in the last 24 hrs and the last 3 days - showing that she has momentum.
She was hot with the grannies and with 'white folks'. Hot for people who see the economy or health as the most important issue and amongst registered Democrats.
Texas told the same story.
One other fact - women made up 59% of the Ohio vote (she grabbed 57% of their votes to Obamas 41%) and they mode up 57% of the Texan vote (where she carried them 55 to 44)
The Republicans had more men voting in both primaries.
More importantly Idol News. It seems that the lispy queen who appears to be auditioning for Project Runway rather than Idol isn't the only closet case they have. They also have a guy who until very recently was a stripper in a gay club. That doesn't make him a gay stripper of course but expect twisted hands and clanging rosaries from Paula.
Then there's the rock and roll nurse who sings like a tone deaf Bonnie Tyler and has a habit of wrapping her cars around trees. Seems that the second habit may be connected to her liking the odd drink whilst behind the wheel. Booo - bad Idol. Expect children in their millions to emulate her.
And expect Frenchie Davies - the woman kicked off an early season for having posed for 'racy internet shots' to turn up and go postal. She may have been a net ho - but she wasn't a drunk driving, crotch grinding, homo ho!
And on that message of hate I leave you
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
So here I am in Atlanta
sitting in a dark back room, staring through one way glass with the strangely metallic taste of old M&Ms sticking to my teeth and my chest feeling more like breasts than pecs.
It's an odd feeling being here, made odder by the general sense of fatigue that the 8am flight (6.15am departure from home) seems to have engendered.
Reading Sharp Teeth at the moment, a lychonthropic pulp novel written in free verse by a guy that I work with and like a lot. It's great. The verse seems like a gimmick (this isn't poetry) at first, but then you realize just how spare the language is, how quickly the story moves and just how muscular everything seems.
Check it out - it's well worth an evening
It's an odd feeling being here, made odder by the general sense of fatigue that the 8am flight (6.15am departure from home) seems to have engendered.
Reading Sharp Teeth at the moment, a lychonthropic pulp novel written in free verse by a guy that I work with and like a lot. It's great. The verse seems like a gimmick (this isn't poetry) at first, but then you realize just how spare the language is, how quickly the story moves and just how muscular everything seems.
Check it out - it's well worth an evening
Monday, March 03, 2008
Atlanta
So tomorrow I'm off to atlanta. Home of Coca Cola, the Falcons, the Braves, the Hawks, the Thrashers and of course Atlanta Dream - the women's NBA team down there.
Previous trips have seen me hurtling through the airport in a bid to make a connection between flights from mexico city and detroit. I never missed one but I've never been in Atlanta and not been in a hurry. Whereas I've never met anyone in Atlanta who is in a hurry. It's not just the accents that are thick with molasses, it's every aspect of the place. Atlanta moves as though a thick fog of humidity has engulfed the population, draining them of energy and making them fit only for a fitful siesta. Or at least the airport does, but I suspect that the melancholy malaise is universal. We shall see
Previous trips have seen me hurtling through the airport in a bid to make a connection between flights from mexico city and detroit. I never missed one but I've never been in Atlanta and not been in a hurry. Whereas I've never met anyone in Atlanta who is in a hurry. It's not just the accents that are thick with molasses, it's every aspect of the place. Atlanta moves as though a thick fog of humidity has engulfed the population, draining them of energy and making them fit only for a fitful siesta. Or at least the airport does, but I suspect that the melancholy malaise is universal. We shall see
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Crazy busy
Both Judith and I were up at 7am this Sunday - awakened by the plaintive cries of the cats but kept awake by the sheer volume of stuff that we have to get through this week.
She's knee deep in data, graphs, charts, a swirl of numbers and hypotheses. I'm groin deep in discussion guides, research specs, product definitions and art directional techniques.
It's 8.53 here and we have three computers open; all manner of e-mails to answer and text messages popping by the dozen. In many ways it's hell - but then I look around at the apartment, the well groomed animals, the ease with which we write cheques, our travel plans and the fact that neither of us pauses before throwing another thing into the basket or filling the car with gas and I have to say that things aren't so bad.
I'm also going to try my hand at a bit of script writing today. I have this theory that somewhere between the mundane ordinary and the trying too hard extraordinary lies happiness. I've been playing with the concept of Unordinary for a while now - and whilst it's not immediately relevant for the stuff I should be doing today it's always worth writing these half thoughts up a little and seeing what they turn into.
The pic, btw, is from yesterday's Eastern Market trip
She's knee deep in data, graphs, charts, a swirl of numbers and hypotheses. I'm groin deep in discussion guides, research specs, product definitions and art directional techniques.
It's 8.53 here and we have three computers open; all manner of e-mails to answer and text messages popping by the dozen. In many ways it's hell - but then I look around at the apartment, the well groomed animals, the ease with which we write cheques, our travel plans and the fact that neither of us pauses before throwing another thing into the basket or filling the car with gas and I have to say that things aren't so bad.
I'm also going to try my hand at a bit of script writing today. I have this theory that somewhere between the mundane ordinary and the trying too hard extraordinary lies happiness. I've been playing with the concept of Unordinary for a while now - and whilst it's not immediately relevant for the stuff I should be doing today it's always worth writing these half thoughts up a little and seeing what they turn into.
The pic, btw, is from yesterday's Eastern Market trip
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Eastern market
So today we went to Detroit's eastern market.
As ever it was a long drive for a disappointing sandwich.
We keep forgetting that it's winter.
And that winter in Michigan means staying indoors.
So the stalls were missing.
The buzz was absent.
And the people looked 'nithered'
That said we had a good time, bought lots of stuff and now we're ready to cook.
which is what we're going to do now.
As ever it was a long drive for a disappointing sandwich.
We keep forgetting that it's winter.
And that winter in Michigan means staying indoors.
So the stalls were missing.
The buzz was absent.
And the people looked 'nithered'
That said we had a good time, bought lots of stuff and now we're ready to cook.
which is what we're going to do now.
Eastern market
So today we went to Detroit's eastern market.
As ever it was a long drive for a disappointing sandwich.
We keep forgetting that it's winter.
And that winter in Michigan means staying indoors.
So the stalls were missing.
The buzz was absent.
And the people looked 'nithered'
That said we had a good time, bought lots of stuff and now we're ready to cook.
which is what we're going to do now.
As ever it was a long drive for a disappointing sandwich.
We keep forgetting that it's winter.
And that winter in Michigan means staying indoors.
So the stalls were missing.
The buzz was absent.
And the people looked 'nithered'
That said we had a good time, bought lots of stuff and now we're ready to cook.
which is what we're going to do now.
Friday, February 29, 2008
The I-94
I thought that I'd share what my commute looks like with the wider world.
This is the i-94.
The speed limit on the I-94 is 70mph (112km/h) which is pretty good for America. Certainly faster than most people from outside the country think that it will be.
At 1604 miles long it would take you 22 hrs 54mins and 51 seconds to drive from its western beginning to its eastern end (if you obeyed the speed limit and adopted an astronautical approach to the journey and didn't stop for food or bathroom breaks (or for fuel, which might be a problem)
Right now though my issue with the I-94 is that most mornings it looks like the picture above. What the picture misses however are the huge 4*4s who hurtle though at 70 in this weather, the deep central ditches into which they spin, the tailbacks that these spins cause and the amount of ice that forms on your windscreen as they kick up slush and spray you with the kind of salty detrious usually reserved for only the most disillusioned kind of 'actress'
Now people tell me that come the spring I'll forget all about the hell of winter. That a new hormone will surge through my body and fill me with a joy that erases mornings like this. I really do.
This is the i-94.
The speed limit on the I-94 is 70mph (112km/h) which is pretty good for America. Certainly faster than most people from outside the country think that it will be.
At 1604 miles long it would take you 22 hrs 54mins and 51 seconds to drive from its western beginning to its eastern end (if you obeyed the speed limit and adopted an astronautical approach to the journey and didn't stop for food or bathroom breaks (or for fuel, which might be a problem)
Right now though my issue with the I-94 is that most mornings it looks like the picture above. What the picture misses however are the huge 4*4s who hurtle though at 70 in this weather, the deep central ditches into which they spin, the tailbacks that these spins cause and the amount of ice that forms on your windscreen as they kick up slush and spray you with the kind of salty detrious usually reserved for only the most disillusioned kind of 'actress'
Now people tell me that come the spring I'll forget all about the hell of winter. That a new hormone will surge through my body and fill me with a joy that erases mornings like this. I really do.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Working harder than Peter North
which is why this is both late and boring.
Having fun today. Working out words for 'explosive' that don't bring to mind the idea of fireballs.
Harder than you'd think actually.
Though I found out today that in automotive speak any incident that involves flames is a "thermal incident" - hallelujah for corporate language.
Having fun today. Working out words for 'explosive' that don't bring to mind the idea of fireballs.
Harder than you'd think actually.
Though I found out today that in automotive speak any incident that involves flames is a "thermal incident" - hallelujah for corporate language.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
A cold day in hell
Yup, more snow, another -15c day and no relief on the grey horizon. The smoke is freezing as it leaves the chimneys that choke the air here. The roads are disintegrating. And the weight of relentless cold has yet to be lifted by the promise of the break of spring.
At work I'm busy administering nasty tasting medicine, throwing out band aids and making sure that my Kevlar vest doesn't slip and allow people sight of my spine for even one knife inviting second. It's good fun actually. And not nearly as dramatic as I make it sound. In truth we're working out how to take my unusually intellectual ideas and turn them into something a little more spleen rupturinging stomach punchy. Shouldn't be too hard.
The pic btw is taken pretty close to our house. I love the idea that a $7500 fine comes before 15 years in jail as a deterrent. And that diner workers are so in jeopardy that they need this sign. "How many waitresses must die before the Government takes action?"
At work I'm busy administering nasty tasting medicine, throwing out band aids and making sure that my Kevlar vest doesn't slip and allow people sight of my spine for even one knife inviting second. It's good fun actually. And not nearly as dramatic as I make it sound. In truth we're working out how to take my unusually intellectual ideas and turn them into something a little more spleen rupturinging stomach punchy. Shouldn't be too hard.
The pic btw is taken pretty close to our house. I love the idea that a $7500 fine comes before 15 years in jail as a deterrent. And that diner workers are so in jeopardy that they need this sign. "How many waitresses must die before the Government takes action?"
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Out of place
I feel strangely out of place today. It might be the umpteenth snow storm of the winter. Or the big meeting this afternoon. Or the series of little meetings that always preceed a big meeting.
It might be that my pants are so tight I have no circulation below the waist (sadly this is true of all of my pants)
It might be the heady whiff of magic markers (I know, I'm allergic but they just work so well when you use massive pieces of paper)
It might be middle age or the tightness of this hat.
I'm not sure what it is - but it feels mightily odd.
It might be that my pants are so tight I have no circulation below the waist (sadly this is true of all of my pants)
It might be the heady whiff of magic markers (I know, I'm allergic but they just work so well when you use massive pieces of paper)
It might be middle age or the tightness of this hat.
I'm not sure what it is - but it feels mightily odd.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Fabulously Fat
Yup it's finally dawned on me. Months of never venturing outside. Of driving everywhere. Of comfort food. Of wine, chips, dips and promises that you'll hit the gym when the negative temperatures hit single digits have finally caught up with me. And no amount of camera angles, sweaters, belt buckles and snazzy shoes can hide it.
I've gained 9lbs (4kg) since I arrived in Ann Arbor and I can feel the result chafing against the band of my pants even as I type. So it's time for Operation Fabulously Thin. Wanna lose 10 lbs in the next 4 weeks.
I have the before shots.... I'll post them only when the after shots look great - or if I fail to lose weight in any given week.
Here's to dieting.
I've gained 9lbs (4kg) since I arrived in Ann Arbor and I can feel the result chafing against the band of my pants even as I type. So it's time for Operation Fabulously Thin. Wanna lose 10 lbs in the next 4 weeks.
I have the before shots.... I'll post them only when the after shots look great - or if I fail to lose weight in any given week.
Here's to dieting.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
A second day of brilliant sunshine
So Ann Arbor delivers unto us a second day of brilliant sunshine. No matter that it's still -11c outside there's something about feeling the heat of the sun as it streams in and warms your back that's as uplifting as an under-wired gospel song.
What makes things better is that I know that somewhere in town is a freezing James Blunt - he played the Michigan Theatre last night and will still be somewhere close, I'm sure, Blunty doesn't like to get up too early - that's why he lives in Ibiza.
Our weekend plans were somewhat scuppered by the arrival of a small Pug who we're looking after for the weekend. It runs all over the place like some snot powered missile, grunting and choking and generally being unpleasant as it goes. Jude thinks that it's cute, I think that it needs one of Mommy's Ambien in its water bowl.
Talking of Ambien it came up in our 'Perfect Murder' slot at work. There's a woman there who is diabetic, no she's Diabetic - yet she can't resist a Krispy Kreme donut. Which accounts for the times that people have found her slumped over her desk and worried that she was dead. Anyway as one of the side effects of ambien is 'sleep eating' we figured that the perfect murder would be to slip it into her donuts and then force feed her more sugary confection as she slept. Coroner would think she sleep ate her way to a sugary grave, Ambien would have another scandal and be one step closer to a ban and we'd live free of fear of death whenever we saw the KK man. Brilliant.
What makes things better is that I know that somewhere in town is a freezing James Blunt - he played the Michigan Theatre last night and will still be somewhere close, I'm sure, Blunty doesn't like to get up too early - that's why he lives in Ibiza.
Our weekend plans were somewhat scuppered by the arrival of a small Pug who we're looking after for the weekend. It runs all over the place like some snot powered missile, grunting and choking and generally being unpleasant as it goes. Jude thinks that it's cute, I think that it needs one of Mommy's Ambien in its water bowl.
Talking of Ambien it came up in our 'Perfect Murder' slot at work. There's a woman there who is diabetic, no she's Diabetic - yet she can't resist a Krispy Kreme donut. Which accounts for the times that people have found her slumped over her desk and worried that she was dead. Anyway as one of the side effects of ambien is 'sleep eating' we figured that the perfect murder would be to slip it into her donuts and then force feed her more sugary confection as she slept. Coroner would think she sleep ate her way to a sugary grave, Ambien would have another scandal and be one step closer to a ban and we'd live free of fear of death whenever we saw the KK man. Brilliant.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Holiday
So Jude and I just spent a painful hour deciding when and where to go in Vegas before deciding on direct flights, five star hotels. front row tickets to shows and private helicopter tours, boat rides and guided walks through the Grand Canyon. Throw in a couple of pneumatic lap dances and we're looking a weekend that will cost $100 an hour.
Still the way that I look at it is that it's cheaper than a divorce lawyer, affords you more opportunity for photos and it's a great chance to watch middle America grazing at the trough of over indulgence. Happy Happy. Fun Fun.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Musing
It's very weird to have the pressure off a little today. Oh there's lots to do and there's very little time to do it but the pressure of uncertainty has been lifted. I have a couple of ideas that I love on the project that I'm doing, a few graphic treatments that are just sensational and I'm getting ready for research. It's all rather lovely.
Why the car above? Well all of this free time has me thinking about a road trip. I've wanted to jam a couple of friends into one of those station wagons that you used to see on National Lampoon's Vacation movies for the longest time. Just to plug in the i-pod, crank up the volume and take off coast to coast before the cost of gas ($3.19 this morning) becomes prohibitive and America turns into the UK, blasting anyone who drives, flies or farts as an environmental terrorist with the moral standing of Idi Amin.
I quite fancy a photographic tour. Load up the friends, the cameras and as many batteries as possible and just take off, looking for the road less driven, the big vegetable signs most often spotted and people with faces beaten by the sun and hopes crushed by the falling price of corn.
So if you're up for it (wrote he spitting coffee down his cream pants) drop me a line. The car's gorgeous, it has a fridge, a DVD player, reclining leather seats in the back and seats for four more. Anyone?
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Ah the good old days
Yesterday felt like a proper advertising day. We got three ideas in late, cranked them through the studio even later - viewing them through a haze of Chinese takeaway fumes and weary cynicism. We watched the lunar eclipse. We watched midnight slip by. We ate more. We gained weight (5lbs!) and we jammed our way towards something that we loved.
Home at 1am. In bed by 1.15. And up at 5am - ready for the drive in and for our 7am meeting. Which went well, despite being hampered by the thickness of our fatigue.
I love this business
Home at 1am. In bed by 1.15. And up at 5am - ready for the drive in and for our 7am meeting. Which went well, despite being hampered by the thickness of our fatigue.
I love this business
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I hate waiting
and today is a waiting game.
I've briefed the teams.
I've talked with the client
I've had side conversations.
I've encouraged.
I've cajoled.
I've pretty much done all that I can to send things down the path that we think is signposted 'right and interesting' but now all that I can do is wait. Everyone needs time to work and I have to be prepared to blend into the background while they do that. I'm bad at this bit of the job. I want to be down having ideas, helping people out, sharpening the pencils, taking an eraser to missed steps. But of course you can't. Ideas need time and space as much as they need energy and sharing. And we're at that stage today.
So I'll sit on my hands and wait. And hope. And look forward to the moment that I get to see things. It'll be a LONG day.
I've briefed the teams.
I've talked with the client
I've had side conversations.
I've encouraged.
I've cajoled.
I've pretty much done all that I can to send things down the path that we think is signposted 'right and interesting' but now all that I can do is wait. Everyone needs time to work and I have to be prepared to blend into the background while they do that. I'm bad at this bit of the job. I want to be down having ideas, helping people out, sharpening the pencils, taking an eraser to missed steps. But of course you can't. Ideas need time and space as much as they need energy and sharing. And we're at that stage today.
So I'll sit on my hands and wait. And hope. And look forward to the moment that I get to see things. It'll be a LONG day.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Itchy Feet
It's been a couple of days since I last wrote anything here. I blame The Spice Girls (we saw them in a BIG old Detroit venue), a trip to New York to see family and catch up on blood work and a case of 'do or die' at work.
Maybe 'die' isn't such a bad option. It seems that everyone I know is blowing it all up and doing something more interesting instead. Maybe it's winter. Maybe it's a quarter life crisis thing but it seems that everyone I know is packing in their jobs and heading off for Asia or Africa or South America. Three this weekend.
And it's giving me a severe case of itchy feet. Sure I love this job (for now, work is a love - hate - love - quit cycle that lasts about 4 years usually) but it's -15c outside and my idea of adventure is going out in socks that aren't thermal. Time for a change? Well no, not yet. Time for the idea of change at some point in the near future? Absolutely.
Maybe 'die' isn't such a bad option. It seems that everyone I know is blowing it all up and doing something more interesting instead. Maybe it's winter. Maybe it's a quarter life crisis thing but it seems that everyone I know is packing in their jobs and heading off for Asia or Africa or South America. Three this weekend.
And it's giving me a severe case of itchy feet. Sure I love this job (for now, work is a love - hate - love - quit cycle that lasts about 4 years usually) but it's -15c outside and my idea of adventure is going out in socks that aren't thermal. Time for a change? Well no, not yet. Time for the idea of change at some point in the near future? Absolutely.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Saturday night in Edinburgh
Yup the girl above was out in barely nothing in Edinburgh, in January.
The women here are wrapped in fur and seal and blubber and whatever else it takes to keep the cold out. They may get laid less often but when the do they can, at least, feel their extremities.
Drove a pre-production car today (can't say which as I'll be lynched) and had much fun taking it and the 6 people in it towards banked curves at very high speed. I then saw a couple of good ideas on how to launch the vehicle. Marvelous.
New York coming up - but before that, the Dirty Show in Detroit - provided Jude's dinner thing finishes early enough
The women here are wrapped in fur and seal and blubber and whatever else it takes to keep the cold out. They may get laid less often but when the do they can, at least, feel their extremities.
Drove a pre-production car today (can't say which as I'll be lynched) and had much fun taking it and the 6 people in it towards banked curves at very high speed. I then saw a couple of good ideas on how to launch the vehicle. Marvelous.
New York coming up - but before that, the Dirty Show in Detroit - provided Jude's dinner thing finishes early enough
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Boing!
So the weather has been filthy. Snow has been heaped upon ice has been heaped upon snow. The gritters have been out and the whole state is saltier than a peanut eating seadog.
Which means that the roads beneath the salty slurry are being eaten. And crumbling. Into small pieces which are then thrown up into the air by large trucks and hurtled with alarming velocity toward you as you drive.
So far I've had a small chunk taken out of the windshield and a deep chunk taken out of the paintwork on the 'hood'. Luckily the windshield managed to hold up and the dealer came through with a small pot of touch up paint that I'm hoping will help fill the small, white crater on my otherwise pristine car.
Anthony (a guy at work) tells me that he's had 5 windscreens in 4 years - all broken on the same stretch of road.
Oh for the spring.
Which means that the roads beneath the salty slurry are being eaten. And crumbling. Into small pieces which are then thrown up into the air by large trucks and hurtled with alarming velocity toward you as you drive.
So far I've had a small chunk taken out of the windshield and a deep chunk taken out of the paintwork on the 'hood'. Luckily the windshield managed to hold up and the dealer came through with a small pot of touch up paint that I'm hoping will help fill the small, white crater on my otherwise pristine car.
Anthony (a guy at work) tells me that he's had 5 windscreens in 4 years - all broken on the same stretch of road.
Oh for the spring.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Brrrrr (Still)
So this morning I set off in the -20c conditions towards work - wondering just why it was that people lived here. And then I realized "I live here". And wondered what other reasons people have for being here.
Of course I'm told that winter in Michigan is a little like giving birth - in that it's painful enough for your mind to wipe out the memory of the agony (this time at the first hint of warmth) in a bid to have you endure another.
Or maybe not.
Anyway Jude got back from Belgium today and headed almost directly to bed,,, passing go only for beer and veggie chips. I'm at a bit of a loss but just blew $500.13 on a ticket to NYC to see a family member (and check in at the hospital)... wasteful but what the hell?
Okay - typing making too much noise and have sleepy headed wife to think about. More tomorrow.
Of course I'm told that winter in Michigan is a little like giving birth - in that it's painful enough for your mind to wipe out the memory of the agony (this time at the first hint of warmth) in a bid to have you endure another.
Or maybe not.
Anyway Jude got back from Belgium today and headed almost directly to bed,,, passing go only for beer and veggie chips. I'm at a bit of a loss but just blew $500.13 on a ticket to NYC to see a family member (and check in at the hospital)... wasteful but what the hell?
Okay - typing making too much noise and have sleepy headed wife to think about. More tomorrow.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
A smile on my face
So as Ann Arbor slowly morphs into a grayer and more desolate version of hell, with the winds howling like injured wolves thrown fresh meat and the roads covered in swirls of ever moving snow, moving in slow motion patterns of spellbinding beauty I decide to venture outside. You see I have given in. I am going to Target.
There is a reason for this surrender. The pale Californian who seems immune to our impatience (our photography teacher) has asked that next week we all bring in two 8*10 pics for a critique class. I've looked through my Flickr pics and despaired that it's been months since I took a good pic. Then that it's been months since I've dared take a camera outside for fear of it shattering like fruit in liquid nitrogen.
But I've found some pics. 14 of them that I liked. That seemed to follow some of his rules of composition and exposure and that aren't 'pornographic or Gory'.
* When I told Judith these rules she suggested that I take a photoshopped image of an Al Gore look-a-like balls deep in a mountain gorilla... pornographic and Gore-y.*
So I looked at my printing options and the best one seemed to be to buy online and pic up the next day at Target. Hence the trip.
So after a journey during which my traction control displays lit up like Vanessa Feltz's brain in a cupcake store I made it to target only to be faced by a stern looking woman.
"Are these internet pics?" she asked
"Well they're my pics, they just happen to be stored online"
"You took these pics?"
"Yup"
"You're sure?"
"Unless I've been in an ambien induced coma and dreamed I took them, yes"
"Because they're very good pics"
"Well thank you"
"And if you didn't take them we can't give them to you, you're infringing copyright"
"No they are mine."
"Then you're very good at taking pictures" she said and handed them over.
There was even a sticker that said. "Possible professional pics. Question customer and explain the law"
I can't remember the last time I was as happy.
They look great too....
There is a reason for this surrender. The pale Californian who seems immune to our impatience (our photography teacher) has asked that next week we all bring in two 8*10 pics for a critique class. I've looked through my Flickr pics and despaired that it's been months since I took a good pic. Then that it's been months since I've dared take a camera outside for fear of it shattering like fruit in liquid nitrogen.
But I've found some pics. 14 of them that I liked. That seemed to follow some of his rules of composition and exposure and that aren't 'pornographic or Gory'.
* When I told Judith these rules she suggested that I take a photoshopped image of an Al Gore look-a-like balls deep in a mountain gorilla... pornographic and Gore-y.*
So I looked at my printing options and the best one seemed to be to buy online and pic up the next day at Target. Hence the trip.
So after a journey during which my traction control displays lit up like Vanessa Feltz's brain in a cupcake store I made it to target only to be faced by a stern looking woman.
"Are these internet pics?" she asked
"Well they're my pics, they just happen to be stored online"
"You took these pics?"
"Yup"
"You're sure?"
"Unless I've been in an ambien induced coma and dreamed I took them, yes"
"Because they're very good pics"
"Well thank you"
"And if you didn't take them we can't give them to you, you're infringing copyright"
"No they are mine."
"Then you're very good at taking pictures" she said and handed them over.
There was even a sticker that said. "Possible professional pics. Question customer and explain the law"
I can't remember the last time I was as happy.
They look great too....
Saturday, February 09, 2008
This is why I'm obsessed with the weather
Yup that's a HIGH of -13c
A real feel of -35c
And a 'you may die' warning
Who chose Michigan?
Friday, February 08, 2008
So the race is still on
As Romney freezes his candidacy (in a potential bid to be Vice President, a bold move as McCain hates him but may need the appointment too woo conservatives without turning off independents) the Republican race looks more and more like endorsing the ancient white guy who would be tough on terror and pretty much too old to do much else.
Still McCain has some fight left in him. Some of his best lines
"I'm older than dirt, I've got more scars than Frankenstein, but I've learned a few things along the way."
"I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps.Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?"
The Republican alternative is Huckabee. The man with Chuck Norris and God on his side. The man who believes that every sperm is sacred and that every egg comes with a plan directly from God. He's also pretty big on Creationism and things that are churchy. Which plays well in places where God is all that people have. I have to admit to having quite an affection for Huckabee. Sure he's stark raving bonkers and communing with his invisible friend Jesus much of the time but he has an "am I still in this?" attitude that's refreshing in the cut-throat, second guessing, he said - she said race.
Some of his best quotes to date.
"I'm pretty sure there will be duck-hunting in heaven and I can't wait!" --speaking to an NRA group
"We've had a Congress that's spent money like John Edwards at a beauty shop."
"Jesus was too smart to ever run for public office...that's what Jesus would do." --after being asked if Jesus would have supported the death penalty
"Which one?" --to Mitt Romney, after the former Massachusetts governor told him not to try and characterize his position on Iraq
"And the ultimate thing is, I may not be the expert that some people are on foreign policy, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night."
"If anybody wants to believe they're the descendants of a primate, they'e welcome to do it." --answering a question about evolution
All of the electricty of course is on the other side. When Hillary is one to one she's really impressive. Pulling facts to hand. Explaining plans with real conviction. Engaging. She's human. But put her on a podium and she gets a little still. She grins and gurns and shrugs and generally looks like she's squirming. The shoulders get high. She gets toothy. She looks uncomfortable. And smug.
She's smart though. Best Hillary zingers so far
"In my White House, we will know who wears the pantsuits." --on the role her husband would play in her administration
"It did take a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush, and I think it might take another one to clean up after the second Bush."
"Frankly, Mr. Mayor, I think your new hairstyle is the right way to go. After all, in Washington, the coverup is always worse than the truth." —to Rudy Giuliani, after he gave up his combover
"They asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said 70 times 7. Well, I want you all to know that I’m keeping a chart."
Then there's Obama. He's light on policy and heavy on hope. Great with a crowd and bad in a debate. He stands like Caesar, with his chin high and his profile on full display. And he has the advantage of being new. He wasn't there when everyone else gave Bush permission to invade Iraq. He wasn't there to ratify tax cuts. He just wasn't there - and that means he's allowed to be right on everything. Which is a huge advange. Whenever there's a protest and the banners come out Hillary is always trying to explain how she ended up on the wrong side - Obama is out waving a placard.
Obama's best lines
"I don't want to be invited to the family hunting party." --on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins (Watch video clip)
"Hillary is not the first politician in Washington to declare 'Mission Accomplished' a little too soon."
"I'm so overexposed that I make Paris Hilton look like a recluse."
On his Democratic Convention speech, in which he said that "we coach Little League in the blue states and we have some gay friends in the red states": "Well, here's an update. Since the election, that gay couple I knew in the red states? They've moved back to the blue states."
"(The pundits) said you can't win in a year like this with a name like Obama. There was quite a bit of confusion at first, but it did get me free airtime on Al Jazeera."
"It's been a great ride. But I know how quickly these fads can pass. You all remember the pet rock, the mood ring, Howard Dean."
I think that if it's McCain it has to be Obama. It's a youth vs. age thing. It's a man who talks Nickelodeon and Movie Trailers vs one who talks Nickle Freakshows and seeing the first talkies. Just a generation thing.
Against Huckabee I fancy Clinton. She can take him on in the south and I think she can make him look reactionary. We shall see. It's a good race. And cracking TV.
Still McCain has some fight left in him. Some of his best lines
"I'm older than dirt, I've got more scars than Frankenstein, but I've learned a few things along the way."
"I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps.Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?"
The Republican alternative is Huckabee. The man with Chuck Norris and God on his side. The man who believes that every sperm is sacred and that every egg comes with a plan directly from God. He's also pretty big on Creationism and things that are churchy. Which plays well in places where God is all that people have. I have to admit to having quite an affection for Huckabee. Sure he's stark raving bonkers and communing with his invisible friend Jesus much of the time but he has an "am I still in this?" attitude that's refreshing in the cut-throat, second guessing, he said - she said race.
Some of his best quotes to date.
"I'm pretty sure there will be duck-hunting in heaven and I can't wait!" --speaking to an NRA group
"We've had a Congress that's spent money like John Edwards at a beauty shop."
"Jesus was too smart to ever run for public office...that's what Jesus would do." --after being asked if Jesus would have supported the death penalty
"Which one?" --to Mitt Romney, after the former Massachusetts governor told him not to try and characterize his position on Iraq
"And the ultimate thing is, I may not be the expert that some people are on foreign policy, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night."
"If anybody wants to believe they're the descendants of a primate, they'e welcome to do it." --answering a question about evolution
All of the electricty of course is on the other side. When Hillary is one to one she's really impressive. Pulling facts to hand. Explaining plans with real conviction. Engaging. She's human. But put her on a podium and she gets a little still. She grins and gurns and shrugs and generally looks like she's squirming. The shoulders get high. She gets toothy. She looks uncomfortable. And smug.
She's smart though. Best Hillary zingers so far
"In my White House, we will know who wears the pantsuits." --on the role her husband would play in her administration
"It did take a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush, and I think it might take another one to clean up after the second Bush."
"Frankly, Mr. Mayor, I think your new hairstyle is the right way to go. After all, in Washington, the coverup is always worse than the truth." —to Rudy Giuliani, after he gave up his combover
"They asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said 70 times 7. Well, I want you all to know that I’m keeping a chart."
Then there's Obama. He's light on policy and heavy on hope. Great with a crowd and bad in a debate. He stands like Caesar, with his chin high and his profile on full display. And he has the advantage of being new. He wasn't there when everyone else gave Bush permission to invade Iraq. He wasn't there to ratify tax cuts. He just wasn't there - and that means he's allowed to be right on everything. Which is a huge advange. Whenever there's a protest and the banners come out Hillary is always trying to explain how she ended up on the wrong side - Obama is out waving a placard.
Obama's best lines
"I don't want to be invited to the family hunting party." --on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins (Watch video clip)
"Hillary is not the first politician in Washington to declare 'Mission Accomplished' a little too soon."
"I'm so overexposed that I make Paris Hilton look like a recluse."
On his Democratic Convention speech, in which he said that "we coach Little League in the blue states and we have some gay friends in the red states": "Well, here's an update. Since the election, that gay couple I knew in the red states? They've moved back to the blue states."
"(The pundits) said you can't win in a year like this with a name like Obama. There was quite a bit of confusion at first, but it did get me free airtime on Al Jazeera."
"It's been a great ride. But I know how quickly these fads can pass. You all remember the pet rock, the mood ring, Howard Dean."
I think that if it's McCain it has to be Obama. It's a youth vs. age thing. It's a man who talks Nickelodeon and Movie Trailers vs one who talks Nickle Freakshows and seeing the first talkies. Just a generation thing.
Against Huckabee I fancy Clinton. She can take him on in the south and I think she can make him look reactionary. We shall see. It's a good race. And cracking TV.
Not a bad couple of days
First I'm told that I don't have syphilis
Then that I don't have AIDS
And now that my scans are clean and I don't have cancer.
Which is a good thing. Lymphoma's you see usually come back. Especially when they've invaded below the pelvic bone - which mine had. The weird thing is though that Lymphoma is a lot like a package holiday tourist - it often returns to the same spot; but usually will only do that within the first two years. So my scans being 'clear and clean' is a very good thing.
To top everything I found yesterday that the company will give me $1,000 for having bought the car that I did. All I need to do is present my receipt to HR and it's done. Cool. Maybe if I could photocopy it a few times they'd pay for the car out and out.
Gonna have to leave and brave the snow now... but before I do and in the interest of generating some traffic this short February month can I just say (avert your eyes mother) Lindsey Lohan's tits, Paris Hilton Sex Video, Mitt Romney scandal, Britney latest, Heath Ledger shots, Hillary Clinton lesbian, Obama drug, post op tranny, nudie and of course the one that will bring them all in Gordon Brown Speedo
Then that I don't have AIDS
And now that my scans are clean and I don't have cancer.
Which is a good thing. Lymphoma's you see usually come back. Especially when they've invaded below the pelvic bone - which mine had. The weird thing is though that Lymphoma is a lot like a package holiday tourist - it often returns to the same spot; but usually will only do that within the first two years. So my scans being 'clear and clean' is a very good thing.
To top everything I found yesterday that the company will give me $1,000 for having bought the car that I did. All I need to do is present my receipt to HR and it's done. Cool. Maybe if I could photocopy it a few times they'd pay for the car out and out.
Gonna have to leave and brave the snow now... but before I do and in the interest of generating some traffic this short February month can I just say (avert your eyes mother) Lindsey Lohan's tits, Paris Hilton Sex Video, Mitt Romney scandal, Britney latest, Heath Ledger shots, Hillary Clinton lesbian, Obama drug, post op tranny, nudie and of course the one that will bring them all in Gordon Brown Speedo
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Gotta love the latest Britney twist
Okay, so I've been on the "Leave Britney alone" side of the coin. I've cursed Dr Phil and his loose lips. I've pointed out that given the number of photographers who follow her everywhere it's amazing just how infrequently she loses it with them (or runs one over). I've even been known to mention the fact that we've all seen her vagina not just because she sometimes forgets her panties but because when she does there's a cameraman literally lying in the gutter hoping to make a few bucks snapping the Spear's snapper.
And now it seems that I've been on the right side. For it's not Britney's fault that she's barking. It's that of her mad Svengali (didn't he used to manage England?). Here's today's news.
A restraining order against the man who's been at Britney Spears' side during her downward spiral portrays him as a Svengali figure who held her a virtual hostage in her home, drugged her, took over her finances and controlled the paparazzi "like a general."
The order against 33-year-old Sam Lutfi was based on a declaration from Spears' mother who says he "essentially moved into Britney's home and has purported to take control of her life, home and finances."
Lynne Spears' account of a long, chaotic night at Britney's home depicted a drugged and confused pop star being led around by Lutfi, who was setting up pictures for the paparazzi even as she was spinning out of control.
The documents released by the court Tuesday ordered Lutfi to stay away from Spears, her homes, her parents and siblings' homes and the hospital where she is confined for psychiatric evaluation.
On Monday, Lutfi told The Associated Press in a text message: "I have no problems with anyone writing anything negative against me. My image is not of concern, hers is."
Lynne Spears said that Lutfi "drugged Britney, he has cut Britney's home phone lines and removed her cell phone chargers."
She said "Sam has told Britney she was an unfit mother, a piece of trash and a whore, that she cares more about Adnan (Ghalib), her current boyfriend, than she cares about her kids and that she does not deserve her kids."
He's alleged to have told Spears' senior "You'd better learn that I control everything, I giving Britney her medications and if I weren't in the house to give Britney her medicine, she would kill herself."
He added "'If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave.'"
Lynne Spears described various medications in the house and said Lutfi told her he ground them up and put them in Britney's food to keep her quiet. "He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain."
It's utterly bonkers. As is Britney. More soon.
Okay
So the phone call yesterday was from the hospital. Telling me to call them immediately. Which was weird as they were on the phone. Still they gave me a number for the nurse - who took 2 hrs to get back to me and then told me that the doctor needed to talk with me about the results of my blood tests. And that she's page her. And that a call was unusual. And that it did mean they had an issue.
The doctor called an hour later. Low white blood cell count. Which is a relief as you get elevated counts with lymphoma. And low counts with HIV. Or a viral infection. Or naturally. Nothing to worry about essentially - but could they take another blood test when I didn't have a stinking cold?
There's a lot of chasing and worrying about nothing. But a reminder that death's dark shadow hovers not too far behind me - and that I need to do all that I can to ensure it doesn't catch up. Weirdly I feel as though life today has taken on a "Final Destination" like playfulness. I'm watching out for toasters, rollercoasters and higfh suspense kitchen sequences.
The doctor called an hour later. Low white blood cell count. Which is a relief as you get elevated counts with lymphoma. And low counts with HIV. Or a viral infection. Or naturally. Nothing to worry about essentially - but could they take another blood test when I didn't have a stinking cold?
There's a lot of chasing and worrying about nothing. But a reminder that death's dark shadow hovers not too far behind me - and that I need to do all that I can to ensure it doesn't catch up. Weirdly I feel as though life today has taken on a "Final Destination" like playfulness. I'm watching out for toasters, rollercoasters and higfh suspense kitchen sequences.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
not to be left out
the cat got photogenic a day or two ago... here he is.... and now my phone is ringing and I'm gonna have to log off. more later.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Who said you couldn't get a sheepdog into a Mustang?
Just about everybody in truth. But you can. If you're double jointed, have the ability to reach for the seatbelt whilst repositioning the dog and feeling for the slot into which the seatbelt will clip - without removing the rear seat dog cover and managing to thread the seatbelt through the eyelet atop the dog's 'rear seat vest'
I'd not bother but the idea of a red vested 60lb bullet hurtling into the back of my head at 80mph isn't one that I fancy. Not that I ever DO 80mph of course. That would be naughty. And wrong. And against the law (just)
Actually people here drive pretty sensibly until you get to within 5miles of the city at which point you enter the Judge Dread zone with people accelerating, breaking, changing lanes and revving through 8,000 rpm all at the same time. Leave no gaps, take no prisoners is my advice.
Jude leaves for Belgium this week (non-sequitar?) so it's gonna be me, the dog and a computer. Lots of walks and some serious work on my book. Toby is getting raves for his debut novel (an urban vampire story told in free verse) and I feel rather inspired to get on and write mine. So I will. Cool.
So thinner, more stimulated and with a better walked dog I'll be moving into February with some real momentum (or something)... must stop now before I say "Cadence"
I'd not bother but the idea of a red vested 60lb bullet hurtling into the back of my head at 80mph isn't one that I fancy. Not that I ever DO 80mph of course. That would be naughty. And wrong. And against the law (just)
Actually people here drive pretty sensibly until you get to within 5miles of the city at which point you enter the Judge Dread zone with people accelerating, breaking, changing lanes and revving through 8,000 rpm all at the same time. Leave no gaps, take no prisoners is my advice.
Jude leaves for Belgium this week (non-sequitar?) so it's gonna be me, the dog and a computer. Lots of walks and some serious work on my book. Toby is getting raves for his debut novel (an urban vampire story told in free verse) and I feel rather inspired to get on and write mine. So I will. Cool.
So thinner, more stimulated and with a better walked dog I'll be moving into February with some real momentum (or something)... must stop now before I say "Cadence"
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Things to do in Michigan when it's cold
erm.... lemme think. Nope I'm at a loss. Of course that doesn't mean that we don't do things. So even though Royal Oak turned out to be less frozen Williamsburg and more arctic strip mall with hot dog stores we still managed to get out and abut yesterday. Sure it meant driving 65 miles to see ice sculptors who will be in A2 in a couple of weeks but that didn't matter. Go towards the life is my new motto.
Today we've got brunch with a couple of friends (cooked by another) and then a SuperBowl party (our first). Before that starts I shall look up who's playing, what the pundits are expecting and learn a few key names. Would hate to look as stupid watching this as Americans do watching the World Cup of Foot Soccer.
There's also a 3pm - 6pm meeting at work. I'll not be attending. I've done three quarters (or three fourths if you're in highschool) of the weekends so far and it's time to take a break, put my feet up, eat too many peanuts and generally relax.
Which we've been doing with binge watching sessions of Lost : Season 3. It's been hard avoiding all of the spoilers but as we drain the glasses of Pinot Gris, crank the volume up and set the flames of the fire to 'dangerously close to out of control' things all seem to make sense. Even the Biblical names. The number of guys who have names starting with 'J', the flashbacks that come out of nowhere and the smoke monster that can't go over an invisible fence that Kate managed to climb.
Anyway I hear the sounds of a wife taking Coffee #1. Later all.
Friday, February 01, 2008
hairy commute
there was a time when the words 'expect 10 inches overnight' had a certain Carry On style frisson. These days it means wheel spin, fishtailing up the hill outside of the house and a slow crawl towards the office.
In a way I miss the old JMZ over the Williamsburg bridge. But then again as I crank the heating up and turn the satellite radio to Chris Moyles and radio one it all starts to feel pretty good. I think I even heard a barely grammatical text from my brother read out on the Scott Mills show yesterday. It was from a Gary, it was from my hometown, it was about football and it had the syntax of a low grunt - so I'm assuming it was him.
Superbowl Sunday this weekend - so off to the neighbor's house for beer, chips and much booing at the quality of the ads.
Tonight Ypsilanti, Depot Town, a few drinks and fish and chips at a bar I know. Hurrah!
In a way I miss the old JMZ over the Williamsburg bridge. But then again as I crank the heating up and turn the satellite radio to Chris Moyles and radio one it all starts to feel pretty good. I think I even heard a barely grammatical text from my brother read out on the Scott Mills show yesterday. It was from a Gary, it was from my hometown, it was about football and it had the syntax of a low grunt - so I'm assuming it was him.
Superbowl Sunday this weekend - so off to the neighbor's house for beer, chips and much booing at the quality of the ads.
Tonight Ypsilanti, Depot Town, a few drinks and fish and chips at a bar I know. Hurrah!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
A story worth telling....
My friend Gareth is sometimes a little too like me for comfort.
Here's what happened to him when he tried to return a pair of Gap jeans thatsplit across the knee after only 5 days
In his own words
I brought a pair of jeans from the GAP: low-rise bootcut and dark blue, to be precise. I wore them for 5 days. On the fifth day I sat down and the jeans split in 3 places across the left knee leaving a whopping fat gaping hole. I was not happy. I decided to take them back and change them.
“There’s nothing I can do,” said the store manager of the GAP branch on Broadway. “You’ll have to ring customer services on Monday. They are open 8am to 8pm, Monday to Friday.”
“But I brought them in this store?”
“Like I said you have to ring customer services.”
“But it’s Saturday – I want my jeans replaced”
“Call customer services.”
“Errrrrr errrrr – well, I’ll just stay here ‘til 8am Monday then.”
“If you do that I’ll call the police,” said the manager. With that he was gone - never to resurface during the following 2 hour ‘ordeal’.
The manager left me fuming. I felt like Michael Douglas in ‘Falling Down.’ Something in me snapped. I asked the shop assistant if I could borrow a paper and pen.
At the top of the paper - which happened to be a piece of GAP till paper - I wrote… ‘WE THE UNDERSIGNED, WOULD LIKE ‘GAP’ TO ACCEPT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE POOR WORKMANSHIP ON THE JEANS THAT GARETH BROUGHT AND REPLACE THEM.’
I then proceeded to ask every shopper in the store to sign-it which they did happily wishing me good luck with my campaign.
I had managed to get 4 signatures until the fifth person I asked turned out to be an off duty GAP security guard. Doh.
I was told to stop harassing the customers. “When did I stop being a customer?” I asked. Good question, I thought. The security guard was stumped.
He told me that I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone in the store. So I came up with a new protest plan – I wrote the following on my knobbly knee that was poking out the hole…
‘I BROUGHT THESE JEANS AT GAP AND THEY ARE A BIT RUBBISH.’
I then proceeded to point my knee at every shopper who walked in. It wasn’t as effective as talking to people but it got a few laughs.
I was frustrated. I wanted to steal something – another pair of jeans – but I just knew that was asking for trouble so instead I decided to steal their time. I spoke to every employee who would listen.
“I can’t talk to you.”
“Come on – this is fun - let’s debate, let’s argue.”
But no one would.
“Look I’m being nice about this I’m not getting angry - I’m smiling and being polite. Just think – this is a good story - when you get home tonight you’ll be able to tell your family about the eccentric English guy you met today who refused to leave the store.” The security guard wasn’t amused – in fact he called back-up security from another GAP store nearby. I was surrounded and still I refused to leave.
“This is not about money – the jeans only cost $60 – this is about the principle…. And people die for principles!” I was starting to get a little dramatic. I was on a Shopping Jihad.
Time passed. I’d now been there 90 minutes.
“Would you like to come and stand over here?” said one of the security guards, trying to move me away from the main bit of the store.
“That’s very kind of you to be thinking about my welfare but I’m happy here.” I wasn’t moving anywhere. I was in a prime spot – every shopper who walked in the store could see something was happening and as long as I continued to speak loudly about my predicament to the security guards they all soon found out what was going on without me actually talking directly to anyone.
“I’m sure you have somewhere you need to be,” said one of the other guards.
“That’s very kind of you to be thinking about my welfare but I have nothing else to do today except change these jeans. I have plenty of time.” I lied. I had arranged to meet my friend Caroline and was now 60 minutes late. I’d been keeping her updated with texts.
3:15pm IN GAP HAVIN ARGUMENT MIGHT B L8
3:57pm SURROUNDED BY SECURITY
4:32pm POLICE COMING
That’s right. You read it correctly the police were coming. Security had had enough and they wanted me out the store, pronto. The conversation had gone like this…
“We’re going to call the police if you don’t leave.”
“Call them,” I said calling their bluff.
And they did.
Waiting the 20 minutes for the cops to show was a very long 20 minutes indeed. I could have runoff, but that would be like a suicide bomber leaving his special backpack at home - I was sticking to my guns/backpack and banished all thoughts of ‘oh no they’ll cancel my visa’ from my mind.
When confronted by two New York cops it is hard not to look at anything but their LOADED GUNS.
I tried to intimidate the officers with my finest colonial English.
“Good afternoooooonnnn officers. Pray tell, what are my options on this lovely Saturday afternoon.”
“You either leave or we’ll give you a summons.”
I was guessing that a ‘summons’ wasn’t some kind of American candy bar so I went with the first option and the police officers escorted me off the premises.
GAP had won… for that day at least but I vowed that I would have my revenge.
The officers told me not to go back in the store.
I said OK.
I asked them if they’d pose for a picture to commemorate this event.
They said OK.
“One last thing,” said one of the officers. “I can’t help but notice that you are wearing the jeans you wanted to change – what were you thinking? You don’t wear the clothes you want to change back to the store. Are you mental?”
“No, I’m an Inventor.”
And with that, I leapt onto my bike and cycled off into the sunset to meet Caroline in my jeans with a hole.
Here's what happened to him when he tried to return a pair of Gap jeans thatsplit across the knee after only 5 days
In his own words
I brought a pair of jeans from the GAP: low-rise bootcut and dark blue, to be precise. I wore them for 5 days. On the fifth day I sat down and the jeans split in 3 places across the left knee leaving a whopping fat gaping hole. I was not happy. I decided to take them back and change them.
“There’s nothing I can do,” said the store manager of the GAP branch on Broadway. “You’ll have to ring customer services on Monday. They are open 8am to 8pm, Monday to Friday.”
“But I brought them in this store?”
“Like I said you have to ring customer services.”
“But it’s Saturday – I want my jeans replaced”
“Call customer services.”
“Errrrrr errrrr – well, I’ll just stay here ‘til 8am Monday then.”
“If you do that I’ll call the police,” said the manager. With that he was gone - never to resurface during the following 2 hour ‘ordeal’.
The manager left me fuming. I felt like Michael Douglas in ‘Falling Down.’ Something in me snapped. I asked the shop assistant if I could borrow a paper and pen.
At the top of the paper - which happened to be a piece of GAP till paper - I wrote… ‘WE THE UNDERSIGNED, WOULD LIKE ‘GAP’ TO ACCEPT THEIR RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE POOR WORKMANSHIP ON THE JEANS THAT GARETH BROUGHT AND REPLACE THEM.’
I then proceeded to ask every shopper in the store to sign-it which they did happily wishing me good luck with my campaign.
I had managed to get 4 signatures until the fifth person I asked turned out to be an off duty GAP security guard. Doh.
I was told to stop harassing the customers. “When did I stop being a customer?” I asked. Good question, I thought. The security guard was stumped.
He told me that I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone in the store. So I came up with a new protest plan – I wrote the following on my knobbly knee that was poking out the hole…
‘I BROUGHT THESE JEANS AT GAP AND THEY ARE A BIT RUBBISH.’
I then proceeded to point my knee at every shopper who walked in. It wasn’t as effective as talking to people but it got a few laughs.
I was frustrated. I wanted to steal something – another pair of jeans – but I just knew that was asking for trouble so instead I decided to steal their time. I spoke to every employee who would listen.
“I can’t talk to you.”
“Come on – this is fun - let’s debate, let’s argue.”
But no one would.
“Look I’m being nice about this I’m not getting angry - I’m smiling and being polite. Just think – this is a good story - when you get home tonight you’ll be able to tell your family about the eccentric English guy you met today who refused to leave the store.” The security guard wasn’t amused – in fact he called back-up security from another GAP store nearby. I was surrounded and still I refused to leave.
“This is not about money – the jeans only cost $60 – this is about the principle…. And people die for principles!” I was starting to get a little dramatic. I was on a Shopping Jihad.
Time passed. I’d now been there 90 minutes.
“Would you like to come and stand over here?” said one of the security guards, trying to move me away from the main bit of the store.
“That’s very kind of you to be thinking about my welfare but I’m happy here.” I wasn’t moving anywhere. I was in a prime spot – every shopper who walked in the store could see something was happening and as long as I continued to speak loudly about my predicament to the security guards they all soon found out what was going on without me actually talking directly to anyone.
“I’m sure you have somewhere you need to be,” said one of the other guards.
“That’s very kind of you to be thinking about my welfare but I have nothing else to do today except change these jeans. I have plenty of time.” I lied. I had arranged to meet my friend Caroline and was now 60 minutes late. I’d been keeping her updated with texts.
3:15pm IN GAP HAVIN ARGUMENT MIGHT B L8
3:57pm SURROUNDED BY SECURITY
4:32pm POLICE COMING
That’s right. You read it correctly the police were coming. Security had had enough and they wanted me out the store, pronto. The conversation had gone like this…
“We’re going to call the police if you don’t leave.”
“Call them,” I said calling their bluff.
And they did.
Waiting the 20 minutes for the cops to show was a very long 20 minutes indeed. I could have runoff, but that would be like a suicide bomber leaving his special backpack at home - I was sticking to my guns/backpack and banished all thoughts of ‘oh no they’ll cancel my visa’ from my mind.
When confronted by two New York cops it is hard not to look at anything but their LOADED GUNS.
I tried to intimidate the officers with my finest colonial English.
“Good afternoooooonnnn officers. Pray tell, what are my options on this lovely Saturday afternoon.”
“You either leave or we’ll give you a summons.”
I was guessing that a ‘summons’ wasn’t some kind of American candy bar so I went with the first option and the police officers escorted me off the premises.
GAP had won… for that day at least but I vowed that I would have my revenge.
The officers told me not to go back in the store.
I said OK.
I asked them if they’d pose for a picture to commemorate this event.
They said OK.
“One last thing,” said one of the officers. “I can’t help but notice that you are wearing the jeans you wanted to change – what were you thinking? You don’t wear the clothes you want to change back to the store. Are you mental?”
“No, I’m an Inventor.”
And with that, I leapt onto my bike and cycled off into the sunset to meet Caroline in my jeans with a hole.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
American High Schools
I'd never been in an American highschool until last night. And it was weird. Huge and impersonal. With huge gyms and lots of stadium seating. And janitors who walked wordlessly and unwilling to make eye contact alongside you as you moved towards your destination. It all felt very Carrie to me and I understand where a lot of the isolation you hear about comes from. There was something chilly about the building that said 'facility' rather than school,
Photog' class was taught by a nervous Californian with the pallor of someone in their second Michigan winter. The class, motley. An old guy with a hypnotist's beard and a smart attitude that might have explained his being on crutches. An enthusiastic blonde trying to get in some lessons before her big trip to Africa. An old geezer with a film camera that looked to me as though it was a kodak instamatic that would need flash cubes before it would take a picture in the dark and a bunch of others with digi cams in expensive bags that they never got to open as the instructor rattled on about how exposure was like filling a bucket with water, a rare steak and the Golden Triangle of opiate producing countries (or something)
I loved it. Spotting f-stop patterns. Noting that his depth of field equivalent pics weren't (the sun had come out during the last) and generally loving the dissection of internal prisms. The rest spent their time fingering the zippers on their bags.
Still in two weeks we have a critique session and next week the promise of shots outside if the weather breaks -10c. We shall see.
Photog' class was taught by a nervous Californian with the pallor of someone in their second Michigan winter. The class, motley. An old guy with a hypnotist's beard and a smart attitude that might have explained his being on crutches. An enthusiastic blonde trying to get in some lessons before her big trip to Africa. An old geezer with a film camera that looked to me as though it was a kodak instamatic that would need flash cubes before it would take a picture in the dark and a bunch of others with digi cams in expensive bags that they never got to open as the instructor rattled on about how exposure was like filling a bucket with water, a rare steak and the Golden Triangle of opiate producing countries (or something)
I loved it. Spotting f-stop patterns. Noting that his depth of field equivalent pics weren't (the sun had come out during the last) and generally loving the dissection of internal prisms. The rest spent their time fingering the zippers on their bags.
Still in two weeks we have a critique session and next week the promise of shots outside if the weather breaks -10c. We shall see.
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