My doctor called early yesterday morning... not usually a good sign so when I saw his name pop ip on my caller ID my heart entered zero gravity and floated towards my throat, spinning slowly asw it made its ascent.
My initial thought (after 'shit') was that I couldn't be sick so early after joining a new company. That it wasn't fair on them. I guess that this is either decency, transference or my fear of once again being labelled damaged or fragile. The new guys see me as a new employee. Not as the guy who's sick, or might me sick again, or who was sick or any of that... it's a blank slate that I didn't want smeared with the effulent that is bad news.
And it wasn't bad news, all was clear with my blood, across every test and marker. The hairloss it seems is stress (both current and delayed physical stress from treatment) and should reverse itself. They hope.
In a word "Phew".
I don't like how every illness gets inflated in my mind at the moment - and look forward to the day when a stuffy nose and sore throat equates to Cherry Tunes rather than imminent death.
2 comments:
that's what a trauma does to you. it takes time to rewire your thought processes. here's a crazy idea to get you there quicker: catch a cold intentionally once or twice.
Congratulations, I have been thinking of you... so glad you are still writing the block. It keeps me informed!
Good luck with the new job, kind regards Tiny
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