Remember when this was a cancer blog?

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude.

I thought that it was about time that I talked about cancer, or lack thereof again.

I've said this a lot over the past few months but my impressions of cancer treatment were entirely shaped by made for TV movies and the tabloid press.

'FIGHT' was the word that came to mind when it came to cancer.

Cancer was something against which celebrities 'Bravely Battled.' Treatment was a private war, fought out of sight of the world - usually with an unhappy conclusion.

Weirdly though the reality has been altogether gentler. It's not about fighting at all, but accepting. Not about being brave but being optionless. Not revelatory but rather mundane.

The reality of cancer treatment is that it's routine. A routine of visitations, treatments and pills. Marks and milestones on calendars.

The reality of cancer is that it changes nothing. Other than your ability to function. You don't come out of the other side a better, wiser or different person. You come out a balder, heavier, more scarred and more tattoo'd person (well in my case)

But there's nothing brave or pugilistic about it. Sure your routine changes but that's about all.

Will I be a kinder person moving forward? Probably not. Will I be more empathetic - probably. I've met and talked with a lot of people over the past 8 months. They've shared stories with me, a stranger, that they wouldn't with their families and friends (precisely because those people care) and I've witnessed too much warmth to not have been affected.

I'll be better at my job. I'll think more about the future (knowing that people will survive you puts you in a position of wanting to make the transistion to surviving alone as comfortable as possible), I'll talk more and I'll listen more intently.

Perhaps then I am changed. Just not violently. But then the violence of cancer treatment really does seem to be a TV movie fiction.