Monday, February 20, 2006

Villa au hostellerie?

To (mis)quote Julian Clary 'Im strangely torn"...

Actually that would have been rather a fabulous quote from the man exiled from British TV for having claimed to have Fisted Norman LaMont (Chancellor of the Exchequer at the time) but already I'm off point.

So friends, family, casual viewers and disappointed Googlers (if you searched for 'fisting' or for 'Norman LaMont' I very much doubt you intended to end up here... try google images) here's the quandary.

We've settled on a vacation island - St. Barts.

It's famous for very little other than being the place where celebs get snapped naked in their villas (think JFK jr, Brad, Gwyneth etc.) but that-s what we want - not naked pics in OK magazine but beaches, sun and a break from the norm.

Our dilemma is this.

Do we rent the fabulous villa and spend our time sipping supermarket wine and badly mixed cocktails by the pool, pausing only to raise a towel above waist level when the maid service arrives

OR

Do we head for Hostellerie Des Trois Forces - a holistic hotel, run by a French astrologer with a penchant for the Buddhist. He sounds mad, his food sounds wonderful and the place is described as either 'basic but spotlessly clean' 'unlike anywhere else on earth' or as 'that dump with the junk yard car park and the mad old French guy.'

I'm thinking Hostellerie Des Trois Forces - a little yoga, some massage, some meditation, lunch by the pool, a great wine list and conversation with the Gerard Depardu meets Hermes owner. It's leaping out at me in a way that I seem powerless to resist.

But then you're my friends. It's your job to help me resist things that leap out at me, rendering me powerless if they look like a bad idea. The COMMENTS section is now open to all - you don't need to be a member of Blogger so feel free to weigh in on the matter... but hurry I feel my credit card burning a bigger whole on my wallet than the chemo is in my chest.

As filler to this and to prove that I still have half a brain I wrote my best intro to a film review since I said of Sahara

'Rarely has a movie been as aptly named as Sahara - an arid film, devoid of any real distinguishing features
that seems to go on forever'

This time I amused myself (if no-one else) with this opener to a review of hideous potboiler 'Firewall'

There are some people (of whom I'll admit to be one) who will see 'Firewall' as further evidence that Harrison Ford is coasting on autopilot toward an Indiana Jones IV payday that will keep Calista Flockhart in SlimFast for decades to come.

The plot of Indie 4 ' tentatively titled 'Indiana Jones - your grandfather's front room' has Harrison - now older than time - rediscovering an old box from his childhood, realizing through the medicare haze that it is the arc of the covenant and subsequently taking it down to a local filming of the Antiques Roadshow... just for insurance value purposes.

It's a surefire winner - and more tightly plotted than the Potboiler by numbers 'Firewall'

As I said it amused me


But enough of my old wank - blood tests then WORK tomorrow - yeh!

2 comments:

quokkaboy said...

Comments on blogs are strange things. as a blog writer one longs for a response but so rarely do they come. the biggest response I ever got was when I shaved my head. 6 comments. 2 of which were from my mother. In fact my mother responded to pretty much every entry. It was a little shameful really. Luckily we have counters on the bottom of our blogs so that we know how many people are really listening. Any way I'm blabbering.

Your problem is that you are going in August. The height of summer. Your skin will get fried - your body already will be from the treatments - the last thing you want to do is fry your brain with the out of touch ramblings of a delinquent French man who could not stand the realities of the world and so had to hide himself away in a hovel on an island.

My suggestion would be to head for the coolness of the Smokey Mountains and visit our friend Dolly. You've always wanted to. You never know she may bring you to beautiful cathartic tears with a rendition of "Little Sparrow".

Steve said...

My god - you're absolutely right

DOLLYWOOD!

How could I forget?

DOLLYWOOD! DOLLYWOOD! DOLLYWOOD!