Gotta love the latest Britney twist

Okay, so I've been on the "Leave Britney alone" side of the coin. I've cursed Dr Phil and his loose lips. I've pointed out that given the number of photographers who follow her everywhere it's amazing just how infrequently she loses it with them (or runs one over). I've even been known to mention the fact that we've all seen her vagina not just because she sometimes forgets her panties but because when she does there's a cameraman literally lying in the gutter hoping to make a few bucks snapping the Spear's snapper.

And now it seems that I've been on the right side. For it's not Britney's fault that she's barking. It's that of her mad Svengali (didn't he used to manage England?). Here's today's news.

A restraining order against the man who's been at Britney Spears' side during her downward spiral portrays him as a Svengali figure who held her a virtual hostage in her home, drugged her, took over her finances and controlled the paparazzi "like a general."

The order against 33-year-old Sam Lutfi was based on a declaration from Spears' mother who says he "essentially moved into Britney's home and has purported to take control of her life, home and finances."

Lynne Spears' account of a long, chaotic night at Britney's home depicted a drugged and confused pop star being led around by Lutfi, who was setting up pictures for the paparazzi even as she was spinning out of control.

The documents released by the court Tuesday ordered Lutfi to stay away from Spears, her homes, her parents and siblings' homes and the hospital where she is confined for psychiatric evaluation.

On Monday, Lutfi told The Associated Press in a text message: "I have no problems with anyone writing anything negative against me. My image is not of concern, hers is."

Lynne Spears said that Lutfi "drugged Britney, he has cut Britney's home phone lines and removed her cell phone chargers."

She said "Sam has told Britney she was an unfit mother, a piece of trash and a whore, that she cares more about Adnan (Ghalib), her current boyfriend, than she cares about her kids and that she does not deserve her kids."

He's alleged to have told Spears' senior "You'd better learn that I control everything, I giving Britney her medications and if I weren't in the house to give Britney her medicine, she would kill herself."

He added "'If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave.'"

Lynne Spears described various medications in the house and said Lutfi told her he ground them up and put them in Britney's food to keep her quiet. "He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain."

It's utterly bonkers. As is Britney. More soon.

Okay

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

So the phone call yesterday was from the hospital. Telling me to call them immediately. Which was weird as they were on the phone. Still they gave me a number for the nurse - who took 2 hrs to get back to me and then told me that the doctor needed to talk with me about the results of my blood tests. And that she's page her. And that a call was unusual. And that it did mean they had an issue.

The doctor called an hour later. Low white blood cell count. Which is a relief as you get elevated counts with lymphoma. And low counts with HIV. Or a viral infection. Or naturally. Nothing to worry about essentially - but could they take another blood test when I didn't have a stinking cold?

There's a lot of chasing and worrying about nothing. But a reminder that death's dark shadow hovers not too far behind me - and that I need to do all that I can to ensure it doesn't catch up. Weirdly I feel as though life today has taken on a "Final Destination" like playfulness. I'm watching out for toasters, rollercoasters and higfh suspense kitchen sequences.

not to be left out

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

the cat got photogenic a day or two ago... here he is.... and now my phone is ringing and I'm gonna have to log off. more later.

Who said you couldn't get a sheepdog into a Mustang?

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

Just about everybody in truth. But you can. If you're double jointed, have the ability to reach for the seatbelt whilst repositioning the dog and feeling for the slot into which the seatbelt will clip - without removing the rear seat dog cover and managing to thread the seatbelt through the eyelet atop the dog's 'rear seat vest'

I'd not bother but the idea of a red vested 60lb bullet hurtling into the back of my head at 80mph isn't one that I fancy. Not that I ever DO 80mph of course. That would be naughty. And wrong. And against the law (just)

Actually people here drive pretty sensibly until you get to within 5miles of the city at which point you enter the Judge Dread zone with people accelerating, breaking, changing lanes and revving through 8,000 rpm all at the same time. Leave no gaps, take no prisoners is my advice.

Jude leaves for Belgium this week (non-sequitar?) so it's gonna be me, the dog and a computer. Lots of walks and some serious work on my book. Toby is getting raves for his debut novel (an urban vampire story told in free verse) and I feel rather inspired to get on and write mine. So I will. Cool.

So thinner, more stimulated and with a better walked dog I'll be moving into February with some real momentum (or something)... must stop now before I say "Cadence"

Things to do in Michigan when it's cold

erm.... lemme think. Nope I'm at a loss. Of course that doesn't mean that we don't do things. So even though Royal Oak turned out to be less frozen Williamsburg and more arctic strip mall with hot dog stores we still managed to get out and abut yesterday. Sure it meant driving 65 miles to see ice sculptors who will be in A2 in a couple of weeks but that didn't matter. Go towards the life is my new motto.

Today we've got brunch with a couple of friends (cooked by another) and then a SuperBowl party (our first). Before that starts I shall look up who's playing, what the pundits are expecting and learn a few key names. Would hate to look as stupid watching this as Americans do watching the World Cup of Foot Soccer.

There's also a 3pm - 6pm meeting at work. I'll not be attending. I've done three quarters (or three fourths if you're in highschool) of the weekends so far and it's time to take a break, put my feet up, eat too many peanuts and generally relax.

Which we've been doing with binge watching sessions of Lost : Season 3. It's been hard avoiding all of the spoilers but as we drain the glasses of Pinot Gris, crank the volume up and set the flames of the fire to 'dangerously close to out of control' things all seem to make sense. Even the Biblical names. The number of guys who have names starting with 'J', the flashbacks that come out of nowhere and the smoke monster that can't go over an invisible fence that Kate managed to climb.

Anyway I hear the sounds of a wife taking Coffee #1. Later all.

hairy commute

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Originally uploaded by stevenjude

there was a time when the words 'expect 10 inches overnight' had a certain Carry On style frisson. These days it means wheel spin, fishtailing up the hill outside of the house and a slow crawl towards the office.

In a way I miss the old JMZ over the Williamsburg bridge. But then again as I crank the heating up and turn the satellite radio to Chris Moyles and radio one it all starts to feel pretty good. I think I even heard a barely grammatical text from my brother read out on the Scott Mills show yesterday. It was from a Gary, it was from my hometown, it was about football and it had the syntax of a low grunt - so I'm assuming it was him.

Superbowl Sunday this weekend - so off to the neighbor's house for beer, chips and much booing at the quality of the ads.

Tonight Ypsilanti, Depot Town, a few drinks and fish and chips at a bar I know. Hurrah!