I found myself dancing on the way home today. Despite the cold. And the people. And the fact that I've not been doing much this week, there was a real sense of release and elation.
I can't remember the last time that I felt as heel clickingly Gene Kelly as this... granted it might be the wine and free pizza I had with Neena but I think it's more than that. I'm working at a place that's only 25 people strong - but it is strong. They're bright and fun and accessible and they're interested... plus they have stories that have bridges to them like "so there I was in Barcelona, crumping the tranny when..."
Zippety doo da day
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
So...
... right now I'm on a huge Cyndi Lauper kick, which I think makes me a lesbian. Hopefully a Jennifer Beals, L-Word lesbian rather than a placard carrying dykes for open toed shoes lesbian, but a lesbian non-the-less.
I did have a Cyndi Lauper song planned for my funeral 'I'll be your river' from The Body Acoustic. Doubtless it would have sounded tinny on the antiquated speakers of whatever crematorium we found ourselves in but it would have made a welcome change from Robbie Williams' 'Angels' - wouldn't it?
I did have a Cyndi Lauper song planned for my funeral 'I'll be your river' from The Body Acoustic. Doubtless it would have sounded tinny on the antiquated speakers of whatever crematorium we found ourselves in but it would have made a welcome change from Robbie Williams' 'Angels' - wouldn't it?
all clear - again
My doctor called early yesterday morning... not usually a good sign so when I saw his name pop ip on my caller ID my heart entered zero gravity and floated towards my throat, spinning slowly asw it made its ascent.
My initial thought (after 'shit') was that I couldn't be sick so early after joining a new company. That it wasn't fair on them. I guess that this is either decency, transference or my fear of once again being labelled damaged or fragile. The new guys see me as a new employee. Not as the guy who's sick, or might me sick again, or who was sick or any of that... it's a blank slate that I didn't want smeared with the effulent that is bad news.
And it wasn't bad news, all was clear with my blood, across every test and marker. The hairloss it seems is stress (both current and delayed physical stress from treatment) and should reverse itself. They hope.
In a word "Phew".
I don't like how every illness gets inflated in my mind at the moment - and look forward to the day when a stuffy nose and sore throat equates to Cherry Tunes rather than imminent death.
My initial thought (after 'shit') was that I couldn't be sick so early after joining a new company. That it wasn't fair on them. I guess that this is either decency, transference or my fear of once again being labelled damaged or fragile. The new guys see me as a new employee. Not as the guy who's sick, or might me sick again, or who was sick or any of that... it's a blank slate that I didn't want smeared with the effulent that is bad news.
And it wasn't bad news, all was clear with my blood, across every test and marker. The hairloss it seems is stress (both current and delayed physical stress from treatment) and should reverse itself. They hope.
In a word "Phew".
I don't like how every illness gets inflated in my mind at the moment - and look forward to the day when a stuffy nose and sore throat equates to Cherry Tunes rather than imminent death.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Missed a day
Weird day yesterday. Went in to my new office to sign paperwork and then had to dash to the doctor for blood work and a thyroid panel. The way he casually said - that will be one of things I'll check for, amongst some more serious - sent chills through me. The last time he was this casual I was 24 hrs away from a cancer diagnosis. Let's hope it's 'just' the thyroid huh?
Evening was spent watching women lying about their eating habits. Only real insights were that Americans like to chew their soup and that nutrition has become divorced from food in the US - if you want nutrition you buy the appropriate vitamin or 'fortified superfood' - they'll give it to you in higher concentration than something like a vegetable.
Really fascinating to what the lack of energy too - this really is a 'whatever' culture... shame.
Evening was spent watching women lying about their eating habits. Only real insights were that Americans like to chew their soup and that nutrition has become divorced from food in the US - if you want nutrition you buy the appropriate vitamin or 'fortified superfood' - they'll give it to you in higher concentration than something like a vegetable.
Really fascinating to what the lack of energy too - this really is a 'whatever' culture... shame.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Bun-gee
I once had to stay in Vanuatu.
We were working on an international gambling thing and the client stayed close to his computer servers - which meant the virtually tax free nation of Vanuatu. On the first day of operation an earthquake wiped out the server, on my first day there another almost knocked a scented marker pen out of my hand - though I plowed on through.
I have no idea why Vanuatu comes to mind today but this picture - of a Vanuatu tradition - think bungee using vines rather than elastic and sudden, hip dislocating stops as the 'rope' runs out felt rather apt to my mood.
Just watched Cyndi Lauper live in HD on a Sunday morning and realise that middle age is absolutely upon me - was 'Time After Time' really a quarter of a decade ago?
We were working on an international gambling thing and the client stayed close to his computer servers - which meant the virtually tax free nation of Vanuatu. On the first day of operation an earthquake wiped out the server, on my first day there another almost knocked a scented marker pen out of my hand - though I plowed on through.
I have no idea why Vanuatu comes to mind today but this picture - of a Vanuatu tradition - think bungee using vines rather than elastic and sudden, hip dislocating stops as the 'rope' runs out felt rather apt to my mood.
Just watched Cyndi Lauper live in HD on a Sunday morning and realise that middle age is absolutely upon me - was 'Time After Time' really a quarter of a decade ago?
Saturday, December 02, 2006
The world is too small
Last night I went out with a couple of friends who I hadn't seen in 4 years. One of them brought 'an old friend from Thailand' - who turned out to be the woman who would have been my new client had a stayed in my last job. She had flown to NYC to see me and then been told that I 'wasn't available' - weird huh.
Seeing Lisa again though just served as a reminder that my 'out of sight out of mind' policy on friendships is fundamentally flawed. It was an absolute joy to catch up with her and I'll never let as much time slip by again without getting in touch.
The fact that she's wearing so diaphanous a garment on a December 1st evening is testament to the fact that we've buggered up the globe. It was 21C here last night - about 20C above the average for this time of year and whilst at the beginning of what was supposed to be winter we got lots of weak 'if this is global warming I'm buying a Hummer' gags now there seems to be a genuine air of concern about the city.
Seeing Lisa again though just served as a reminder that my 'out of sight out of mind' policy on friendships is fundamentally flawed. It was an absolute joy to catch up with her and I'll never let as much time slip by again without getting in touch.
The fact that she's wearing so diaphanous a garment on a December 1st evening is testament to the fact that we've buggered up the globe. It was 21C here last night - about 20C above the average for this time of year and whilst at the beginning of what was supposed to be winter we got lots of weak 'if this is global warming I'm buying a Hummer' gags now there seems to be a genuine air of concern about the city.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Long day today
The jetlag is still washing over me at irregular intervals - which means that I was up early this morning. Just as well as the call that I was expecting from my ex-president at 7pm tonight came at 7am this morning.
I do feel as though I have let her down personally and of course this is exactly what I'm supposed to feel. 'Disappointment' is a management tool that's very effective though the words today 'I am disappointed on so many levels' still stung a little.
Still I know that I'm doing the right thing - I need a little less stress, a little more certainty and the opportunity to do some really good work and I think that a move will achieve that, so I'll head in today, hand over my blackberry, send out an emotional farewell and slip quietly into the dark busom of ex-corporate employees.
Got around the problem of patchy baldness by shaving my head yesterday. A practical solution to be sure but one that has me looking in the mirror and remembering being the 'ill' guy. Am told that post illness trauma and stress is common in the 4-12 month period and that all manner of things often happen hair loss, shingles, ME... so it seems that I've drawn the longest of the straws in that my condition is both typical and none debilitating. Hurts to be SO typical yet again.
Today's pic was one that I took whilst walking around Antwerp and it's one that I really like, despite all of the technical imperfections it displays. I do like Tin Tin and he did give us The Thompson Twins... not to mention remarkably accurate imaginings of future spacecraft.
Anyway the gym beckons
I do feel as though I have let her down personally and of course this is exactly what I'm supposed to feel. 'Disappointment' is a management tool that's very effective though the words today 'I am disappointed on so many levels' still stung a little.
Still I know that I'm doing the right thing - I need a little less stress, a little more certainty and the opportunity to do some really good work and I think that a move will achieve that, so I'll head in today, hand over my blackberry, send out an emotional farewell and slip quietly into the dark busom of ex-corporate employees.
Got around the problem of patchy baldness by shaving my head yesterday. A practical solution to be sure but one that has me looking in the mirror and remembering being the 'ill' guy. Am told that post illness trauma and stress is common in the 4-12 month period and that all manner of things often happen hair loss, shingles, ME... so it seems that I've drawn the longest of the straws in that my condition is both typical and none debilitating. Hurts to be SO typical yet again.
Today's pic was one that I took whilst walking around Antwerp and it's one that I really like, despite all of the technical imperfections it displays. I do like Tin Tin and he did give us The Thompson Twins... not to mention remarkably accurate imaginings of future spacecraft.
Anyway the gym beckons
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)