So whilst the starlets are being plucked, the stars tucked into their tuxes and Isaak Mizrahi's hands warmed (whose tits will he grab on tonight's red carpet) I'm starting to feel the effects of the Rituxin.
Had a great day yesterday and woke up this morning feeling fabulous but knowing that at any moment my body would start pumping out anti-bodies to attack the cancer cells now clearly marked by the man-mouse hybrid drug.
And so it is... I'm not feeling bad, just a little 'flu like, a little achy, a little tired, a little congested, glands just a little swollen. Exactly what I should be feeling - another $5k well spent.
More Velcade and Neulastra tomorrow and a drastic decrease in the number of drugs I'm taking, so we'll see if it has the same effects as last time.
Cough still knocking around, but deeper, less frequent and more 'boomy' a good sign I hope.
On the Oscars I'm shocked and scandalized that Dakota didn't get a nod for 'Dreamer : Inspired by a true story"; I, like her agent, had seen it as the Liz taylor way to Oscar stardom - involve a horse and surely you're there
But Oscar this year was feeling political... perhaps if it had been a gay, soon to be gelded arab horse trained in Israel .. who knows?
Ok - time for some pre-Oscars filler TV
A blog that started as an info site to help people keep up with my cancer treatments and has morphed...
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Chemo III - big bit done
Chemo went well yesterday
No vomitting! Yeah!
Pretty quick too, which was a relief as the i-pod REALLY needs updating with something a little more contemporary than 'Cyndi Lauper sings her old songs in a different key'... or whatever thealbum is called. Sometimes I just have to pinch myself to remind myself that the world already has one Nathan Lane - and that's one too many.
Drilled all about my cough - they were very doctorly.
My lungs are clear, I'm taking in more air, I haven't developed any classic lymphoma systems and I'm tolerating treatment well which means there are three possible causes for the 'Return Of The Cough'
1) Most likely. I have a cold
2) Quite Likely. It's a reaction to the chemo drugs (a cough is a common side effect)
3) Unlikely but possible. I'm not responding to the treatment, the tumor is growing again, I'm screwed
Option THREE will be discounted or proved after my PET and CAT scans (about then days from now, so results in about two weeks)
After months of optimism I'm firmly in camp three - necessitating new (unproven and dangerous) treatment (possibly given in a bubble for extra drama), an against the odds cure and juice for the narrative of the film sure to follow.
It's the classic Don Simpson 'Top Gun' structure; you need to have hopelessness in the second real so that you can have triumph in the third - that's why Goose died.
Anyway coffee done, Jude up and as I have no signn of nausea (yet)) I'm about to eat more than any man should. Pancakes, hmmm.
Steve
No vomitting! Yeah!
Pretty quick too, which was a relief as the i-pod REALLY needs updating with something a little more contemporary than 'Cyndi Lauper sings her old songs in a different key'... or whatever thealbum is called. Sometimes I just have to pinch myself to remind myself that the world already has one Nathan Lane - and that's one too many.
Drilled all about my cough - they were very doctorly.
My lungs are clear, I'm taking in more air, I haven't developed any classic lymphoma systems and I'm tolerating treatment well which means there are three possible causes for the 'Return Of The Cough'
1) Most likely. I have a cold
2) Quite Likely. It's a reaction to the chemo drugs (a cough is a common side effect)
3) Unlikely but possible. I'm not responding to the treatment, the tumor is growing again, I'm screwed
Option THREE will be discounted or proved after my PET and CAT scans (about then days from now, so results in about two weeks)
After months of optimism I'm firmly in camp three - necessitating new (unproven and dangerous) treatment (possibly given in a bubble for extra drama), an against the odds cure and juice for the narrative of the film sure to follow.
It's the classic Don Simpson 'Top Gun' structure; you need to have hopelessness in the second real so that you can have triumph in the third - that's why Goose died.
Anyway coffee done, Jude up and as I have no signn of nausea (yet)) I'm about to eat more than any man should. Pancakes, hmmm.
Steve
Thursday, March 02, 2006
handbags at dusk
Feeling just a tad shirty today. The reason? Work, mainly.
Spent the week dragging my cancer infested carcass across town, on public transport, to the asbestos filled building site that doubles as my office- all in a bid to help come up with some answers for an important upcoming meeting.
This regime saw me manage to catch a cold, start coughing again and generally exhaust myself - but we got to a good place. I wrote up all my thoughts, quite nicely I thought and then reminded people that I have chemo Friday and Monday – so I wouldn’t be working the weekend or available before the Tuesday am meeting. Tuesday am would be tough but I agreed to drag my recently poisoned self there, downing steroids and anti-nausea pills as I went.
Of course nobody heard the last bit. Today has been a barrage of ‘you have to come in’ calls. Of coercing, pleading and emotional blackmail.
‘Hey’, they said, ‘why not come in at 6pm and we can work late?’
‘Because’ said I ‘There’s a very real danger that my dragging myself in through a snow storm, to work late, the day before chemo, might just kill me.’
‘You’ll be fine. We need you here. You said you didn’t feel THAT sick. If this goes well you’ll be able to take some time off, it’ll all be agreed’
‘F*ck right off.’
‘5pm?’
I really do think that if I do end up in the 50% of people who are killed by this disease there will be a move from my account management team to have my headstone wired for broadband – just in case they need help with PowerPoint charts.
Spent the week dragging my cancer infested carcass across town, on public transport, to the asbestos filled building site that doubles as my office- all in a bid to help come up with some answers for an important upcoming meeting.
This regime saw me manage to catch a cold, start coughing again and generally exhaust myself - but we got to a good place. I wrote up all my thoughts, quite nicely I thought and then reminded people that I have chemo Friday and Monday – so I wouldn’t be working the weekend or available before the Tuesday am meeting. Tuesday am would be tough but I agreed to drag my recently poisoned self there, downing steroids and anti-nausea pills as I went.
Of course nobody heard the last bit. Today has been a barrage of ‘you have to come in’ calls. Of coercing, pleading and emotional blackmail.
‘Hey’, they said, ‘why not come in at 6pm and we can work late?’
‘Because’ said I ‘There’s a very real danger that my dragging myself in through a snow storm, to work late, the day before chemo, might just kill me.’
‘You’ll be fine. We need you here. You said you didn’t feel THAT sick. If this goes well you’ll be able to take some time off, it’ll all be agreed’
‘F*ck right off.’
‘5pm?’
I really do think that if I do end up in the 50% of people who are killed by this disease there will be a move from my account management team to have my headstone wired for broadband – just in case they need help with PowerPoint charts.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
$5493.01
That's what it costs for a single shot of Rituxin here.
Yep the first chemo bill came in and a single shot of the R in Chop-R costs close to $5500.
If I get that back against my taxes today I shall turn loop de loop and cartwheel through Union Square.
Thank god for insurance, huh? It 'only' cost me $550.
Still full of cold here, nose dripping onto the dog as I type. But a cold I can cope with.
Mail this week brought novelty wigs, sideburns, moustaches, fake glasses, lollipops and a bag of toffees (!) from my cousin Janet who is almost as mad as she is loud.
Wigs for the NY winter cold, lollipops for a Kojak impression should it turn warm, toffees because she thinks I can afford American denistry.
It is tax day today. That means heading into a tax preparation office, whipping out your pay stubs and answering lots of detailed questions within the hearing of 20 strangers - all of whom you have to think have the wherewithall to commit identity theft (I know I have, I lived as Liza Minelli for two years in the early 80s). Franky I hate sitting in H&R block having people tut at my lack of 401k and sigh at my lack of write-offable receipts., but to date they've handed me a cheque at the end of the inquisition and I've been happy.
Hoping to get a refund big enough to pay the hospital bills so I can get back to looking at mad (if unresponsive) Frenchmen on Caribbean isles
Yep the first chemo bill came in and a single shot of the R in Chop-R costs close to $5500.
If I get that back against my taxes today I shall turn loop de loop and cartwheel through Union Square.
Thank god for insurance, huh? It 'only' cost me $550.
Still full of cold here, nose dripping onto the dog as I type. But a cold I can cope with.
Mail this week brought novelty wigs, sideburns, moustaches, fake glasses, lollipops and a bag of toffees (!) from my cousin Janet who is almost as mad as she is loud.
Wigs for the NY winter cold, lollipops for a Kojak impression should it turn warm, toffees because she thinks I can afford American denistry.
It is tax day today. That means heading into a tax preparation office, whipping out your pay stubs and answering lots of detailed questions within the hearing of 20 strangers - all of whom you have to think have the wherewithall to commit identity theft (I know I have, I lived as Liza Minelli for two years in the early 80s). Franky I hate sitting in H&R block having people tut at my lack of 401k and sigh at my lack of write-offable receipts., but to date they've handed me a cheque at the end of the inquisition and I've been happy.
Hoping to get a refund big enough to pay the hospital bills so I can get back to looking at mad (if unresponsive) Frenchmen on Caribbean isles
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